FELICIA'S STOLEN MEMOS 4
Stealth it is.
This'll be quicker without guards dogging our steps.
I'm glad you agree. Let's go.
Or we could try to create distractions. Provided you're good at throwing stones.
Or I could just knock them out.
Right, of course. Just try not to do it all the time.
All right. I'm ready when you are.
Wait.
What?
There might be a problem. You are prohibited from killing guards by the Maker himself. You really have to avoid being seen.
I can teleport around, but what about you?
No worries.
I am gifted with a secret spell: "Summon mirror shades of Awesomeness"
...
My vision is augmented. 
Guards were really bright fellows. Would you silently stare at the floor while someone was throwing stones around?
It's nice to know that accessiblity was a top priority while making the DLC.
There was a small kitchen nearby marked with an obscure exclamation mark. Exploring the castle was such a joy.
If you need something, ask one of the servants. Well? Why are you still bothering me?
The choice was clear. 
Tonight's not your night.
Hawke discovered a cooking book that detailed how to make its future wyvern opponent weaker. A nice touch, actually.
And he put the poison in the monster's food.
I think Leopold's going to be an unhappy wyvern after that.
Never pass an opportunity to loot.
A miniature painting. Bethany would love this.
Sadly, you can't even sell it. It all goes for an achievement.
Guard captain stared at the wall like the most devoted Oblivion NPC. Radiant mind he was. It's time to introduce awesome takedowns.
No worries, bro, I'm sure that with random blackouts you are still competent enough to handle guard duty.
Guard were positioned in entirely logical order.
Loot!
Takedown!
Damn! Hawke missed some dude and was discovered. Reload?
No need, because Felicia just teleported failed master thief back to the last checkpoint.
Hawke improved his covert skills and just littered the balcony with stones of distraction.
Awesome!
A gown positively festooned. Bethany would swoon.
Instead of following the main path Hawke tuned to the side passage. He enjoyed being a ninja and was in a mood for some loot whoring.
No shit, bro. I'll check the corridor anyway.
The instructor was drilling a squad of chevaliers. They weren't going to sleep that night.
Hawke's path was straightforward: open a door...
...and another
...and another
...and another
...and another
...and another
That balcony was tightly guarded, without jokes. However narrow cones of vision and total indifference to suspicious sound played a bad joke with the guards.
The vault was close.
We're getting too deep. Something is interfering with my magic. The spell is fading... 
Grates closed behind the backs of careless thieves.
It's never as easy as it seems, is it?
I swear, I didn't know! There must be some sort of switch.
To escape Hawke had to solve a simple puzzle involving pressure plates.
The statues... how conveniently placed.
Puzzle solved.
Something wrung?
I don't know.
Ha ha, it was a set-up from the very beginning.
Don't fret, my dear.
No chance to escape.
Wonderful.
It's not over yet.
But it is over. I knew who you were the moment you arrived, assassin.
Assassin? I thought we were here to steal a jewel.
Laughs Then she didn't tell you! The elf is a Qunari.
I can't believe I fell for this.
Look. I came to stop the Heart from doing something we will all regret. He didn't. Leave him out of this.
And waste all the effort I spent luring you here before the Heart's arrival? Don't be foolish.
Asay hassatra maas.
Maas avastrasa kulun.
Take them away.
The elf was qunari.
And the dwarf has no beard! I know, it made no sense to me, either. Maybe they just cut her horns off?
The Qunari are not a race. They are a religion.
What I don't understand is why a Qunari agent would try to kill one of her own people. And why involve the Champion?
Excellent questions.
I expect answers to match.
I live to please.
You're angry, aren't you?
Look on the bright side: the duke didn't have us killed. That's got to be worth something, right?
Unless he has something worse planned...
From petty anger to shameless flirting: it's truly a codexian school of flip-flopping.
Not a fan of tunneling our way out, I take it?
Tunneling is for chumps.
Oh, the things you say.
If you prefer, I could yell at you instead.
I am sorry. This didn't work out like I'd planned... obviously.
What was your plan, exactly?
The one I expected to find is named Salit, a member of the Ben-Hassrath... the Heart of Many.
I was told he's here to sell secrets to the Orlesians, and I came to stop him. I... suppose I was misinformed.
You were "misinformed." Clearly the mark of a skilled Qunari agent.
And there I was making fun of the Crows, too.
Just where do you get your misinformation?
I read about it on the wall of a latrine.
Sighs Whan can I say? Apparently the "I was tricked" thing is going around.
The first order of business is getting out of here before His Grace decides we would taste good in the soup... or whatever he has planned.
Any ideas?
We wait for a rescue.
Wait, how did they manage to get there? They never had a fucking key in the first place.
Lost your spool of twine?
Yes. I was going to drop breadcrumbs, but we don't have any bread.
We'll find them, if they're still here to be found.
Don't worry! If we keep going, eventually we'll get somewhere! Probably an airing cupboard. I seem to wind up in those a lot.
That's it. I'm officially tired of waiting to be rescued.
The fuck! How could she pick it? There was no lock on the grate.
Why didn't you do that before?
You said your friends were coming.
And you're fine. Of course you are.
Can we go now? I don't think I like it in here.
So back throught he castle, then?
There's a better way than fighting through the duke's entire army. I'll show you.
Well, we found all your gear at least.
Then we should head for the caves. That's the way out I'd planned to take us through, originally.
Unless you want to carve your way out through the duke's army.
I might.
Oh, caves! I like caves!
No, you don't, Merrill.
Oh. Right. Giant, creepy spiders and things live in caves. What am I thinking of, then? Ruins?
It's up to you which way you want to go, Hawke. I'll help you either way.
This is the biggest decision to make in the entire DLC pack.
So shall we:
a) Follow her advice and escape through the cave system (the fastest and the easiest way).
or
b) Plunder the vault proper while avoiding the duke's army. (puzzle-solving and fat loot)
or
c) Charge head-on on duke's forces and hope to survive (kkkombat).
Note that options b and c aren't mutually exclusive.
Discuss!
in bioware title.
