I played breath of the wild recently, it was one of the worst experiences I can remember having in the last 25 years or so with a video game that wasn’t duct taped together in eastern Europe. I defeated 1 giant stone animal before quitting forever. To describe how I usually felt while playing the game - imagine if you were reading the morning newspaper while a small Asian man was behind you, always slightly out of reach, driving needles into the back of your head.
Open worlds and crafting are really becoming a pestilence for video games. The crafting part is the worst though, by a lot. There is very little more infuriating to me than being expected to pick up every single trash object in the entire world, that I must then combine in a menu to make the item that I should have picked up in the first place, instead of the trash. I cannot figure out what is wrong with these maniac game developers. They add all this annoying shit in the game to make the world feel more authentic, they make tiny little user interfaces at the very edge of the screen that you can hardly see, presumably so that you are pulled into the game more… but then you’re trapped in stupid ass menus combining toenail clippings and mushrooms for 60% of the game. Too hot? Open a menu. Too cold? Open the menu. Low health? Open the menu. No more food? Open the menu 800 times to painstakingly cook each dish with individual ingredients. Enough with the menus!! I *loathe* menus.
The game has yet another large pretty open world with miles of fields to trudge through while earth’s retards are staring in awe at what is basically a painting of a landscape. In order to encourage you to do a million children’s puzzles and spend as much time as possible in menus instead of the game, they’ve made you walk as slow as possible with what feels like a 5% speed boost when you sprint, which only lasts for a millisecond before your stamina bar completely empties. Climbing is also tied to the stamina bar and even more slow than the running is. Moving around in this game is so painstaking, I sometimes would begin to physically cringe.
Lots of dumb guys will parrot the weapons breaking as the fatal flaw here, then other dumb guys will parrot that it’s important to encourage you to “Experiment with blah blah blah”. Both wrong, every weapon is functionally identical, all that matters is their number. You will never run out after you move beyond sticks. All you need to know is the game has a matrix dodge and a parry which deflects robot lasers, and they use dark souls 1 timing. With those combined with general open world AI retardation and rocket launcher bows, you’ll lay waste to hordes of enemies and never be in danger. Not that it really matters, it only cuts down on the number of times you’ll have to open the menu to cram steaks into your health bar.
Beyond the kinds of puzzles that you’d expect to find in a cell phone app, you have all these quests designed by complete cunts. Making me light torches in an area where it rains for half an hour every 5 minutes was so funny the first time! It was even funnier the second time! Too bad the *AMAZING* fire physics don’t work on the only thing I want to set on fire – the homes of all these dickheads who hand out quests.
“Maybe I’ll upgrade the old armor so I don’t have to open the menu as much… Ahh keese eyes, I’ve killed like 1000 of those, no problem… wait… 40 keese wings, 12 fire keese wings, 8 electric… no eyes? NO EYES AT ALL?!”
It's like EverQuest (1999), where a guy would tell you to grab him 8 spider legs and you’d go perform a total spider genocide, but only 3 of them would have legs. In a single player action game (2017). What is even the point of all these rupees? JUST LET ME BUY EVERYTHING I NEED WITH CURRENCY! PLEASE!!
These Japanese have no respect for your time, and it shows throughout. Look how slow every single repetitive action is. Their brains must be 80% tumors by now after all the nuclear incidents they’ve been through. The one saving grace is that there is no skill tree. If there was a skill tree, I would have dropped the third nuke personally.
