Let's LARP the Emperor's Finest - a wh40k IF

[ironyuri]

From Lexicanum on training of Commissars:

http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Commissar

Commissar Training Squads

Commissar Training Squads are groups of Cadet-Commissars, formed up into a fighting squad and led by a full Commissar into battle. These Cadets are then trained, under battlefield conditions, in how to live, fight and even die alongside the troops they are supposed to one day inspire and discipline. They are sent into the fiercest fighting, in which they are expected to show bravery and devotion enough to earn the respect afforded to them by standard troopers. Commissar Training Squads are highly motivated and pious fighting units and an Imperial Guard force accompanied by such a squad will consider itself destined for victory.[7]
When a Commissar decides that a Cadet has failed in his duty to become a Commissar, but has not shown cowardice or insubordination, the Cadet is relieved and may be either sent to a Stormtrooper unit or become an officer in a penal battalion. Others volunteer for service in a Rogue Trader's entourage, and others may face darker destinies.[7]

Our Lady Commissar displays no values and virtues proper Commissar would have, she was snotty and vain before and troops has no respect or worse still fear towards her or her rank.... which combining with Regiment abysmall performance leads me there is Heresy and Sedition close... Option A is ruse to keep us sidetracked by red tape and C) Although normaly advisable as Commissar is technicly in right to take command over Regiment now untill brevet leader could be chosen I would not consult with her.... she may be the reason of the rot and corruption..... or in best scenerio incompetent to tackle it in proper Commissariat aproved way.

Choose A and 2 than.

Comrade Commissar Draco speaks truth brothers.

Also, 2 does not preclude our lieutenant taking on quartermaster duties, infact we could just appoint a loyal trustworthy commissar ourselves, since we said we'd do it in the first place before the ex-Colonel told us not to.

2 for victory and using our dicks as thehy were intended.

 

[Ulminati]

Getting the commissar "accidentally" killed is probably a good idea. SoB fall under the ecclesiasty (sp?). That's a seperate organ from the IG and going from SoB to commissar is effectively a demotion since the bolter bitches are Spehzz Mahreens Light. Clearly she's a warp-tainted whore who fucked up and didn't have the piety to besome a sister repentia, charging naked into battle with a giant chainsword. My interest in her reaches only so far as to ascertain what corrupt official let her switch from SoB to the commissariat that I may cleanse the infection with the fires of holy promethium.

And Kayerts -- Commissars sit outside the normal rank hierachy. We can't just appoint a new one willy-nilly. That would be absurd.

Pity about the sudden surge in votes for sausage party.
Remember BROs: A moment of voting for wimmin leads to a lifetime of glorious misogyni.

Spoiler

On the topic of female commissars in a legion that wears gas masks. If it wasn't for the godamn animu sword scabbard I might have to track down that mini. Everything else that's retarded about it could be fixed easily with greenstuff and weaponswaps.

 

[Excidium]

The whole thing is very strange, if anything about her faith or character was questionable (which seems to be the case) she wouldn't have been accepted into an order in the first place. Maybe she just thought the symbol was cool and tattoed it.

Bah I'm flopping to 1, fuck this stupid ho. The accident that killed the Colonel was caused by the lack of a quartermaster, we need to put order on the house before the Korps arrive.

 

[Commissar Draco]

Not to mention having proper equipment will let us... interrogate her properly, before she will be sent back to Penal Adeptus Kitchenus Unit.

 

[Hellraiser]

A1

Steel Legion,

 

[Ulminati]

Waaah waah why are we the regiment based on old german soldiers with gas masks, trench coats and huge tanks and artillery pieces instead of the regiment based on old german soldiers with gas masks, trench coats and huge artillery pieces!?

 

[Commissar Draco]

We have chosen atleast Toxic planet and Orc fighting right... one thing which puts me off from Steel Legions are the yellow color of their enviromental suits... It should be black, camo or Steel Grey. Yellow is Gay.

 

[CappenVarra]

A2 Appoint a quartermaster as we planned before, and move on to bigger and better fuckups

 

[Ulminati]

We have chosen atleast Toxic planet and Orc fighting right... one thing which puts me off from Steel Legions are the yellow color of their enviromental suits... It should be black, camo or Steel Grey. Yellow is Gay.

Brownish yellow could work pretty well as camouflage in a trench as soon as a little mud is splattered on it.

 

[Commissar Draco]

A2 seems to take momentus

ONWARD FOR EMPEROR AND ARMAGEDON!

 

[Saark]

A 1 - Don't wanna lose our little bitch to another screwup we could have prevented, eh?

 

[Ulminati]

Still a goddamn shame we didn't force root into David Gaiderdom by making him LARP a female IG assassin. I'm fairly certain it would've had lulzy consequences down the road

Oh well, at least the most codexian choice #2 seems to be winning. Hopefully the commissar wasn't informed/eavesdropping on our being made quartermaster. Either choice #2 or #3 could result in BLAM! still...

 

[Zaan]

A 1 here as well.

 

[oscar]

A1, we really do need to get our supplies sorted. And fuck being a girl.

 

[ironyuri]

A1, we really do need to get our supplies sorted. And fuck being a girl.

Sounds great. We could just appoint a Qmaster ourselves... or we could spend the next update cataloguing shit BECAUSE OF ALL THE ACTION BRAHS. I can't wait to submit forms in triplicate it's gonna be AWESOME BUTTAN

 

[Ulminati]

Problem with 1 is that even if we do spend all our time getting the supplies sorted, the Derp Korps will just show up and go "Nice trenches. We'll take it from here, suckers!"

Vote for what you find most fun, not for what might be more safe or anything. This being an Imperial Guard LP you're going to die 2 or 3 updates from now anyway.

Votes so far:

[...]

1) 9 (Ulminat

I voted 2 and never flopped. Your logic processor is flawed. Tallying now since the cat is out of the bag anyhow...


-------------------------------

a Esquilax, Excidium, lightbane, renegen, storyfag, random_word, jick_magger_101, ironyuri, darth_roxor, Commissar Draco, Kayerts, eklektyk, hellraiser, cappenvarra, saark, oscar -- 15
b Ulminati, Cassidy, Kz3r0, anus_pounder, treave, zwist, hoodoo, zero_credibility -- 8

1 Esquilax, Excidium, lightbane, darth_roxor, kayerts, eklektyk, hellraiser, saark, oscar -- 9
2 Ulminati, Cassidy, anus_pounder, renegen, random_word, zwist, hoodoo, ironyuri, Commissar Draco, cappenvarra -- 11
3 Omikron, Kz3r0, storyfag, treave, jick_magger_101, zero_credibility -- 6


After an initial estrogen surge, team dongs is now firmly in the lead. What started as a fight between options 2 and 3 has now turned into a lead fo roption 2, being slowly but surely eaten away by the option 1 paper pushers.

 

[Excidium]

Oh oops, fixed

IG assassin.

Wot

But assassin would be cool, maybe when this guy dies horribly we can convince ruto-sama to larp us an assassin. Catsuits!

 

[ironyuri]

If you vote 1 you're voting to: TAP "X" NOW TO INITIAL REQUISITION ORDER #27193 HERE, HERE, AND HERE!

ACTION AMAZING AWESOME, TOUR DE FORCE 10/10 BEST RPG SINCE DRAGON AGE 2

 

[Darth Roxor]

If you vote 1 you're voting to: TAP "X" NOW TO INITIAL REQUISITION ORDER #27193 HERE, HERE, AND HERE!

Meanwhile, voting 2 means Lt Limpdick starts bossing around, causing the badass Cpt Hildebrand to suddenly emerge from the trenches, kicking him in the nuts and sending him into the latrines

 

[oscar]

Yeah don't know whether we're condemning ourselves to a life filling out forms or if reaching out for command will get us relieved of command or shot for incompetence.

 

[Azael]

trAnny and 1. We need to honor the colonel's last wishes

 

[Ulminati]

Man... The results of this poll just get more depressing over time. If root doesn't close it soon, we'll be Faggy McLimpdick, repressed 40yo homosexual virgin, meekly asking the commissar for permission to clean the latrines after we fill out paperwork

 

[Commissar Draco]

We are here to LARP EMPRAH FINEST not some pussy pen pusher. Come on let's show the Full Xenos our balls are made from steel.
Steel Legion is modeled after WWII Heer Panzerwaffe so initiative and boldness are expected... not hiding in trenches.

 

[Excidium]

Such is life in the (war)zone.

You could have been this but you chose to be some loser with a gas mask, now deal with it.

 

[Commissar Draco]

Voted for Vostroyans/Valhallans but is not enough for them.