Right.... deep breath...
First: The douche who plays Clark Kent (Tom Derpings) has no bloody idea how to differentiate between the Superman persona and the Clark Kent persona so he acts the same all of the bloody time. GRATE DISGUISE GUISE! He isn't clumsy, he isn't silly, he does nothing to make himself seem more shit and bland than he actually is and the result is a Clark Kent who is so obviously Superman that it's not even funny when his Scooby Gang finally finds out that he is, indeed, Superman. AWESOME MYSTARY AMPLIFIED WITH INDIAN PROPHESIES AND A LOT OF TALK ABOUT DESTINY! AWESOME BUILD-UP BRO!
Not only is Superman a travesty, but also the character which I like the most in that entire fucking setting: Lex Luthor. Michael Rose-cheek-arse phones it in and creates the blandest Lex Luthor to date (even worse than the Luthor from all of those Anime Superman series that've been popping up on the kiddie channels as of late). Not only that, but he comes off more as a guy who throws money around himself instead of being the wealthy genius which he supposed to be. But nope, the Smallville writers didn't get that fucking detail about Lex Luthor so we're stuck with a playboy who throws a lot of money around in an attempt to bring DER ALIEN ZHREAT down by means of daddy-issues and extreme whining. Jeez, it's like they never even fucking heard of All-star Superman, or even read any of the source material, but whatever right?! AMERIKWANS WONT CARE SO LONG AS IT HAS GLISTENING PECKS AND ASSPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE!!!!
Speaking of which: The Justice League, or should I say male underwear model club are a bunch of "witty" and "snide" tween-mentality 25 year olds who couldn't save the world if their Rolex collections were on the line. By Jove, I've wanted to reach into my screen and strange Green Doucebag Arrow so many times that I've lost count. Not only that, but they all come off as ruthless dictators who believe that they have the right to rule just because they were born with some insignificant powers, making the Justice League seem even more tyrannical than ever before. And I'm supposed to be cheering these guys on? HAHA_OH_WOW.JPG
The villains are worse though.... Every single thing that made them awesome has been stripped away and replaced with mediocre shit.
Amanda Waller? Make her fat and black and you have Amanda Waller, right?! Wrong, Smallville writers.
Metallo? Change it so that he's some half-arsed cyborg instead of a brain inside of a robot. It's like the Smallville writers didn't even understand the whole thing going on with him: He's the man of steel who stands against the man of steel. But nope, make him a cyborg with emo issues instead.
Zod? Give him a british accent and it'll imply that he's some sort of mastermind, even when his actions make him seem like a reckless moron.
Doomsday? Turn him into an emo ambulance driver which transforms into Doomsday whenever he listens to Linkin Park for too long. And make the transformation look like Bruce Banner was the Abomination instead of the Hulk. Fans won't care, cause fans stopped watching the show ages ago! HAHAHAHA! FOOLISH HOO-MANS!
Deadshot's now a cowbody who speaks with a deep south accent. Because a gunslinger HAS TO BE FROM TEXAS, Y'ALL!
Darkseid is now a cloud of darkness and Apokalips is now some sort of metiorite which wants to dry-hump the earth. Itz COOL BRO cuz Tom Derpings will use his CGI DOOPERMAN SOOT to CARRY IT AWAY.
Intergang is mentioned once or twice and then vanishes off the face of the earth. Good riddance.
Parasite gets turned into some emo teenager which is part of some special operations unit Lex created. Eh... okay?
Bizarro is Clark Kent in BLACK! WOW THEY REALLY STRUCK GOLD THERE.
The entire series is a motherfucking holding pattern which never leads anywhere. It's like watching a million hour tween emo movie which never goes anywhere beyond angsty brooding and snide "wit"... It's a shitstain on DC comics, and I have no fucking idea why the hell they'd ever allow anybody to make this crap.
The show should have been written by real comicbook writers (and not the shit kind like Loeb) instead of the sitcom rejects which they hired.
The show should have had a more convincing Clark Kent instead of some moron who goes to the gym two times a day.
The show should have been scrapped after the first couple of episodes, but nope... apparently people liked this shit... and that is why humanity is doomed.
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Prisoner of Ice.