Last time we finished in the middle of the main level of Planar Sphere.
We have a loooong way to go before we level up again.
Let's hope we don't meet any more halflings, then. I could use a level up or three before facing them again.
In case You want to take a look at The Codex' current stats, here they are:
Our body count has reached 262. This means we killed 11 somethings in the previous update. Experience value of kills, on the other hand, has risen by 41820. This means each kill wa worth 3800 XP on average. Pretty impressive considering we fought mainly halflings.
That's it. I'm calling them halfuckings from now on. They deserve all the worst.
Ok, let's check what awaits us beyond these door.
Fuck. I knew it was a good idea to hide in shadows before entering.
Enemies met:
Ettercap x2
Sword Spider x2
Look out, spideys, it's Aunt May!
Ha! Indeed, Lilarcor. Indeed.
We kill off the spiders, losing our stoneskin in the process.
One of the ettercaps has dropped a spell scroll.
I somehow doubt he was planning on using it. Maybe they just like chewing paper?
It's another one of those fancy anti-magic-protection spells.
Which reminds me. We should start using them. Soon.
Loot!
An arm and a head? Lame. If it was missing an arm and a leg, I would've had a great opportunity to make a pun.
It seems that sometimes fate spares me the worst of it.
We attach the previously-found arm. We don't have the head yet.
You'd think that 'authorized personel only' sign would be enough, but nooooo. It had to be a trap.
Would such a sign stop you?
Does a trap stop me?
This does stop me, however.
Let's try another way.
Halfuckings! Um... Blur! Just in case...
Enemies met:
Halfling Warrior x2
DIE!
Watch your step.
Not blind.
Coal, you say? I actually have some.
Ok, that was officially a bad idea.
Enemies met:
Fire Elemental x1
Whew. Made it!
We have some more coal, I think...
Fuck.
There, done.
Enemies met:
Fire Elemental x2
It's really lame that I can't hide in shadows and detect traps at the same time.
You'll have to wait until Neverwinter Nights for that.
We're not playing Neverwinetr Nights. I wouldn't touch the original campaign with a 10-foot pole.
You never know what the future brings.
Oh-kay. I think I'm going to sneak around instead of barging in head-on.
Um, yeah. Good idea.
Awww...
A clock from hell, maybe.
I wonder if they'll see me if I try to take anything from this stash.
HOLY FUCK SHIT HELL!
Enemies met:
Iron Golem x1
They saw You.
Death count: 52
Loading.
Fucking golem. As if the halfuckings were not enough.
We can't really defeat all these golems at once, so we try another approach. After hasting himself, The Codex nicks the stuff from the stash and returns onto the bridge.
Iron Golem tries to follow but, it is too fat.
Na-na-na-Na-na!
Yeeeeehaw!
Can't touch me!
Indeed, Lilarcor has greater range than Iron Golem's attack, so we can attack relatively out of danger. The poisonous gas is a threat, of course, but we have potions to deal with it.
Oh yeah, give them to me, baby!
Enemies met:
Stone Golem x1
Oh YEAH!
Oh FUCK!
Enemies met:
Stone Golem x2
That's a lot of critical hits, by the way. Reminds me of that one time when I killed Shadow Dragon with five hits (three of them criticals).
After healing and getting a buff, we're ready for the remaining golems.
Or maybe not...
My ribs! Why are they outside!?
Whew, that was close.
You don't say!
Enemies met:
Clay Golem x1
Shit, I already forgot about these guys here.
Enemies met:
Fire Elemental x3
It seems like we've accomplished something.
The Codex gives head to the golem.
Oh, You just
HAD to say that.
Yup.
Uh-oh...
Of course. I knew it was going to end in a fight.
Actually, no.
The golem sets off somewhere, so we follow him, through the previously unopenable door.
Meeting this, um, person.
You have the wrong guy. Not my sphere at all.
The combined forces of The Codex and his golem are too much for the Elder Orb and it quickly succumbs to death. Our hero getting the last hit is a nice bonus, as it nets him a hefty 14K experience (if I remember correctly).
Enemies met:
Elder Orb x1
I could use a golem like this in my other adventures.
Some corpse-shaped stash containing a couple of scrolls.
I'm not sure if we already had this spell.
Sure, but how do I figure out the correct order?
It may be displayed somewhere in the sphere.
I'm guessing the rune thingy opens this door.
Let's look for some clues as to how to solve it.
We have not checked this corridor yet. Maybe to solution lies behind it? We'll see after resting.
Oh gods, not this shit again.
Blasphemy! Nothing is greater than The Codex!
Oh, look. A demon.
I wish I could really meet a demon. I would so kick its ass... Or whatever demons have in place of asses.
You can say a lot of things about me, but not that I am unaware of how awesome I am.
So... is this little lesson leading somewhere, or are we here just for shits and giggles?
Exploding people. Right. Shits and giggles then, I guess.
Also, don't steal my lines. I've been laughing maniacally since early BG1, so some credit is due.
Follow what or who exactly, because I don't really... follow. Ah, I see what you did there.
Now we can check the northern corridor for clues.
No clues in sight, but there sure are
a lot of fish here.
Let's withdraw a bit.
Enemies met:
Sahuagin x7
Will cloudkill even work against fish. Do they breathe?
Biology says that everything that lives, breathes.
Anyone in for a fish stew?
Watch out for those still alive.
Mm, tastes like chicken, um, I mean fish.
These fish drop shit.
Could be worse.
Yeah, it could be muck.
This looks a little better.
Better shit is still shit.
Which reminds me, we can identify the bow we got from halflings in the previous update.
Ripper. That's pretty cool. Too bad it's not a short bow.
And here's the fluff description of this room.
Nobody cares. Let's move on.
We found no clues regarding the rune 'puzzle', so we move on to the next area - navigator room.
Will we meet
The Navigator in here?
No, but I admit that would be awesome.
I'm sure we can achieve some sort of an agreement?
Or you can cast Abi-Dalizm's Horrid Wilting on me. Cool.
Of course you know, this means war.
Enemies met:
Evil Necromancer x1
First, I'm going to need someone to tank for me.
Then some protection spells.
Good thing he's not following You and gives You so much time to prepare.
He's probably just a good sport.
And here's the only screenshot from the fight itself. Lavok charmed (dominated?) our L.A.E., but proved to be a relative pushover after his protection spells had worn off.
Kind of lame, but I am sure glad he did not add anything to the death count.
'I was possessed by a planar abomination' is a pretty common defense line as far as I know.
Pity Valygar could not join us for a touching family reunion, no doubt.
There was also this other guy, who wanted to undo the deeds of his life. It didn't end well.
I'm listening. Not that I can't be awesome on other planes, but I have a few quests to finish in Athkatla.
A demon heart. Really? You couldn't find any less obscure fuel to generate your
1.21 jiggawatt?
Sure, I'll get your heart. It's not like I have anything better to do anyway.
I'll also help myself to your stash. Any objections? No? Good.
A spell that will turn me into something less cool than myself. Useless.
And a spell that simulates the effects of being exposed to modern Bioware RPGs. Could be useful.
Hello? 19 Intelligence here?
It's not like the game made an attribute check here. It's a preset message. Obsidian would do it right.
Oh, but we'd have to wait for eternity.
Since we found no clues for the rune 'puzzle', we simply trial and error through it.
Being pretty lucky in the process.
I prefer to call it intuition.
Well, this rune pretty obviously looked like a '3'.
Ok, that was easy.
Area completed! The side door in the rune room opened us a passage to another level.
There, we almost immediately meet hostile forces.
It's not my fault that my web will also affect the non-hostile target. Not cheating.
Stop the bullshits and face the truths. There was no following. You're a scripted encounter.
Enemies met:
Cowled Wizard x2
Sending ogres after me, eh? Lavok had more sense of fair play.
I shouldn't need stoneskin against one lousy ogre, but better safe than sorry.
Um, what just happened?
Death count: 53
Load game.
What happened?
It seems that you had a SMEF.
A what?
Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure.
They won't get me this time!
I'll make sure of that.
Here's how the situation looks after a failed backstab attempt.
I hate offscreen failures!
How about onscreen failures?
Oh, you survived.
I'd appreciate if you didn't sound disappointed!
Right. Retreat?
Never retreat! Never surrender!
Oh, it doesn't look very good.
Death count: 54
Load.
Remind me not to get myself surrounded by enemies next time. Also: I hate mages.
Time to bring out the heavy guns!
Backstab!... What!? How are you still alive!?
Ok, I need to regroup.
Watch out, they sent something after you.
DECAPITATION!
Yeah, you fuck off too.
Go, web, go!
Hey guys, what's coookin'? You are!
Ha! Say hello to nine hells from me!
Damn, he's indestructible!
I believe it was that Abi-Dalzim's spell, or something.
Death count: 55
Reload.
I really hate mages.
We skip all the way to the moment when we kill the summoned ogre and ettercap.
Mwahaha, slaughter, and all that.
I see that you're webbed, Tolgerias. Stay that way, willya?
Tolgerias' female helper is still alive.
No decency at all.
They summoned reinforcements.
Cheaters. Only I should be able to do that.
Oh shit, a Nishruu.
Nishruu will drain our prepared spell with each successful hit and it is immune to both spells and magic weapons. Basically, we don't have anything to hurt it with (except fists maybe).
The situation looks pretty bad, but maybe Horror will allow us to salvage it.
BE VERY AFRAID! I don't want to die.
Argh! I'm melting!
Tolgerias casts Horrid Wilting on The Codex. It's very effective.
Death count: 56
Reloading.
Have I mentioned I really hate mages?
Die already!
Raaaargh!
I'm getting a massive sense of deja vu.
One fireball comin' right up.
Ok, the nameless supporting mage is dead.
Good. Let's not fuck this up, ok?
The Codex survives Power Word, Kill, while casting Slow on Tolgerias.
The ogre suffers a fatal case of arrow in the eye.
By the power of greyskull! I have the power!
Screw your stoneskin, Tolgerias!
FUCK YEAH!
Wasn't I promised a second ring of the ram here?
It seems that one of the tweaks we installed patched it out.
Weren't they supposed to improve the game?
'Oh sorry, we did not make this area, fuck you.'
We move on. There's a whole level to explore ahead.
This room does not look like one to blidnly run into.
Let's look for another way first.
Hide In Shadows fails just in time for The Codex to get noticed by a Greater Fire Elemental.
Let me guess. This is a fire room, while the other one was an ice room.
Pretty much, yeah.
Very clever. And original. I would be surprised if we ever saw something like this again.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
Enemies met:
Greater Fire Elemental x3
Let's scout ahead a bit.
This does not look any better than the ice room.
We'll start there, then.
We
break the ice by trying to Horror them.
I've seen this blizzard of puns coming a while ago.
You mean
hurricane of puns?
I know what I said.
We are being seriously trolled here, so it's time for some stoneskin.
Stoneskin does not last long. In the meantime, we manage to kill a fire mephit, who's apparently lost.
Always pretty satisfying.
Enemies met:
Fire Mephit x1
Bullzeye!
We have to use fire arrows to finish off Snow Trolls, meaning that The Codex is more exposed to melee attacks. Against all odds, first troll croaks.
Enemies met:
Snow Troll x3
We try to divide the troll forces with another Horror.
It doesn't work, but heavy drinking means we manage to not die and kill another one of these beasts.
I actually think we can pull this off!
No, we can't. Not this time, anyway.
Death count: 57
Loading.
I actually thought we could pull this off.
Maybe we'll have more luck with the fire room.
Ah, it burns!
We scout hidden in shadows, but get attacked by two hell hounds anyway. They probably can smell our hero.
My natural smell is very pleasant!
No doubt.
Enemies met:
Hell Hound x2
Who let the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who!
Boooyah!
And we have a classic case of
shoot the dog here.
I think we're overdoing the embedded link thing in this update.
Hey, at least it's not a
shaggy dog.
We try to backstab the efreeti, but he proves unbackstabbable.
Stop inventing these silly words. My brain hurts.
Guess what fire creatures can do? Auto-hit you with fire attacks!
Ah!
I'm on fire!
Ok, the ice room went a little better.
Death count: 58
Load.
Did you or did you not know that I cannot backstab the ifrit guy?
I did not.
I hope you're telling the truth, because if you're not, gods have mercy on you.
This time we don't try to enter the room.
Remember, children: kiting is your friend.
FUCK YEAH DIE FUCKING MEPHIT FUCKER! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL ALL OF YOU!
I think your relationship with mephits is a little unhealthy.
Huh. We died.
Death count: 59
Load game.
Ok, so, do we actually have any kind of plan here? Because, you know, I'm kind of tired of dying. It's painful and unpleasant and does not accomplish anything.
Yeah, I'm tired too.
And when you're tired - rest.
Good plan.
Let's see if Cloud Kill can change the picture of this battle.
And it did. However, I kind of forgot to make screenshots along, so here's just the final one.
Enemies met:
Ice Mephit x1
It seems we Cloud Killed three Ice Mephits and a Winter Wolf. We could argue if the spell was wasted or not, but at least we won. Also: traps.
Enemies met:
Ice Mephit x4
Winter Wolf x1
Let's cast some buffs before entering the fire room.
It puts us right in the middle of
crazy prepared territory. Or at least crazy.
Protected like this, we slaughter through the room without getting a scratch.
That's the way I prefer it.
Enemies met:
Magma Mephit x2
Noble Efreeti x1
This room also is trapped. Symmetry all the way.
There is some nice loot in here too.
Cool!
The best shield from vanilla BG1 finally made an appearance.
This globe of invulnerability works on spells up to 4th level. Too bad, there is so many cool 6th level spells, we may have a hard time fitting it into our limited slots.
And here's the reason why we should have bought the cheaper staff last time back at Adventurer's Mart. Staff of Fire is supersedes the one we have anyway.
Wastin' mah money!? I'm gonna kill you!
Of course the ice room also has a stash, which I forgot to check earlier.
This helmet is pretty cool, but our Helm of Balduran is superior. Actually, it's probably superior to most, if not all helmets found in BG2.
We may have already had this spell. Not sure.
Area completed!
Final list of enemies met:
Cowled Wizard x2
Clay Golem x1
Elder Orb x1
Ettercap x2
Evil Necromancer x1
Fire Elemental x3
Fire Mephit x1
Greater Fire Elemental x1
Halfling Warrior x2
Hell Hound x2
Ice Mephit x4
Iron Golem x1
Magma Mephit x2
Noble Efreeti x1
Sahuagin x7
Snow Troll x3
Stone Golem x2
Sword Spider x2
Winter Wolf x1
Dear RPG developers, please take note that the above list is just from a single quest (actually, a part of it) and does take into account any summoned creatures.
Oh, and please consider this list when you make us fight darkspawn or bugbears again.
I've never fought any darskpawn or bugbears. Is it fun?
You may find out one day.
----------
Next time: we go
straight to hell Baator Abyss.
