HAPPY FUN DECISION TIME AT THE END OF THIS UPDATE!
Blood for the Blood God!
Once Neko Noir had identified the partys recently procured loot, they went to sell Roxorowskis now-obsolite breastplate. Apparently, the smith had heard of roving bands of pig-like smelly creatures. The party decided to go troll them and take their shinies.
Lacking a
Quality
Utility
Excavation
Steam
Technology Compass, the party went from house to house trying to locate the village elder. (Seriously, Troika. Map markers are a GOOD THING).
I guess we may as well start with the biggest, fanciest cottages and work our way down.
Got it in one!
Both. Our business is acquiring valuables, which we find immensely pleasurable
I see, and how can we help you?
Brother Smyth said you had some problems with
Trolls Orcs. What's wrong?
Well there are rumors of a band of
Trolls orcs wrecking havoc up north. They're supposed to be holed up in an undergound bunker.
We'll look into this rumor right away [travel immediately to hunt some orc]
What can I say? Co8 quest writers are lazy so far
Upon arriving, we're immediately greeted by a derpy goblin.
Who are you and why should I care?
I ask the questions! I am Noblig, supreme commander of the watch! I say, what are you doing here!?
WEll, Nobby, I suggest you run along and advise your "supreme commander" that this place is about to be overrun. Is your commander just another goblin like you?
Kallop the great gnoll leader? Yes, of course! Kallop will tear out your insides and feast! You'll see!
And who is his commander?
Boonthag the great Bugbear mistress? Boonthag will crush you between her formidable haunches! You'll see!
(I swear, I didn't make that up)
Yes, yes, Boonthag. and her commander is...?
[the goblin considers.] There is yet Lord Ruff, the great orc lieutenant! And then there awaits Lord Krunch, the great orc captain! They will destroy you!
So they are the bosses then?
No, fool! Today you shall die! They will all summon his Wonderfulness Lord Hungous, the High Commander himself! Do you see?
But wait. I thought you said you were the commander?
[The goblin looks confused.] You! Stop talking! I take you prisoner now! Come with me!
I'll do no such thing. Run off, little goblin, if you value your wretched life.
[The goblin hesitates.] Er...for this you shall pay! wait here! I shall summon my officer. He is but a short distance this, um [he looks off into the bushes] this way. Fool!
[The goblin runs off, but not before producing a small device into which he blows to create a surprisingly loud and resounding tone. This is obviously an alarm.]
Yeah... Not too impressed with the Co8 writers at the moment. (Except for the bugbear who crushes manlings with her thighs. that's solid incline right there). Although I guess a retarded, forced monologue about all the bosses is fitting for the supreme commander of "The Watch".
Anyway, a fight broke out soon
Though between Bees sound burst and Mrowakius'es glitterdust, most of the enemies didn't really do anything in the encounter.
Only the leader made his saves. And you know what the Kodex Kaster Krew do with men strong enough to make it past the killing ground
I think I'll call this one Boris
Boris made short work of the cannon fodder
(Oh Vault Dweller preserve us, not another one of these infodumps). Who the fuck are you?
I am Dolkob, sargeant of the kobolds! I repeat, leave here now and do not return!
Yes, yes. I already got that lecture from you rlittle friend Noblig.
Noblig is a fool and would do well to keep his mouth shut, but he is right if he told you that you will die here. This place is not for you. flee at once!
I'll take my chances, thanks.
You may not like your chances so well when you see what lies beyond. Did Noblig tell you of that which is not named, that which dwells below? Even if you kill all that dwell above, it will destroy you below!
That sounds interesting. I'll be sure to search around then.
Suit yourself, but rest assured, you will die. I will either see you dead myself in another place, or I will see you when you join me in the afterlife! [with this the kobold turns and vanishes]
Barely 10 steps into the first area. I sure hope that the quality of writing either picks up or vanishes altogether. It's not even bad enough to make proper fun of.
3 steps on and another fight breaks out. We enlarge Boris and send him in to tank for us
You can do it! I beleive in you! And stuffies!
And so he did. Enlarged orcs with barbarian rage hit like trucks.
(Oh for crying out loud!)
[The gnoll appears to defer to a very large female bugbear at his side.]
As well he should!
I am Kallop, captain of the gnolls at Hickory Branch. But this...this is Boonthag the Terrible!
Boonthag. Yes, we've already heard of Boonthag and her... haunches.
I don't take prisoners! I crush! But I may take your broken skulls as a charm!
So not impressed.
[The bugbear laughs.] As if I care. go on your way and do as you like. Kallop and I will not stop you ourselves, for we will see you later...If you pass a quicktime event!
What's that supposed to mean?
We're immediately ambushed by a shitload of orcs
Massive buffing follows
And Bee picks up a henchman of her own
Mrowakus keeps the enemies from reaching the squishies
This happened a lot. Noir is apparently not as desirable as we've been led to beleive
Chauvanist pig!
Meanwhile, Bee continues building her Harem
Berekäns animal companion bites the dust
Udyr! Noooooooo!
With everyone but the archers killed, Mrowakius'es grease hinders us more than the enemy. Fortunately you can dismiss it. Whilesale slughter of archers followed.
Very well. Then flee! We shall not pursue you. for now!
Still no deal. Why should we flee?
You are weak! You do not have the strength to pursue us further! And already our preparations to seal the cave are underway. So your mission is pointless.
what cave?
The sanctum of lord Hungous and his spiritual and mystical advisors. They await you there, and the rest of us will soon await you there as well. Even if you reach us you will not have the strength to defeat us!
I'll be the judge of that.
You vainly overestimate yourself! But come if you must. We will meet in a short while, I think. I still think you should leave and consider yourself lucky at that. [the orc disappears out of sight to the northwest]
The party is getting quite large by now
Another fight breaks out shortly after. Our orcish compatriots charge into the fray, eager to please their elven mistresses
We were running quite low on spells. So Bee laid down suppressive fire on the enemy orc shaman to keep him from casting.
Mrowakius used the most broken spell in the game to give nearly every enemy a 50% miss chance. This should buy us time
Only too late do these orcish Buffons realize who weilds the true might in this party!
The orcs took offense ot this. Mrowakius is nearly one-shotted by an assassin popping out of nowhere. Only the timely intervention of Neko Noir saves him
Seeing the assassin unsuccessful, an orc charges straight through our lines to finish the deed
RIP Mrowakius. The AI really didn't like you. :/ There were 3 orcish archers out of sight range who used all their actions readying vs. spells and shooting at you if you tried to do anything.
The spontaneous charge of the Orcs left Neko Noir in a bad position. She couldn't really use her colour spray without ruining the charm person spells that were providing our meatshields
Not that it mattered. The orcs made his save against her strongest enchantment spell.
Down, but not out. Berekän used a scrollsie of cure serious wounds on our beloved witch. The AI took offense to this.
RIP Neko Noir.
You truly were the best of us.
HEY!
With Neko Noir down, Boris shook off the enchantment that bound him to us. And he was still enlarged.
Things began to look grim. Both of our dwarves were bleeding profusely. Only Bees harem of orcs kept tasteless Raep at bay.
Archers with readied actions continued to make spellcasting difficult. Berekan healed up and charged one of them with his longspear
Only to get oneshoteed in return.
RIP Berekän. Your candle burned brightly and guttered out too soon.
The fuck is up with that damage? The archers did 3x as much damage with their "backup" melee weapons instead of bows.
Roxorowski went down too, but immediately stabilized
I TOLD YE! I BE SO UGLY HELL SPAT ME BACK OUT!
The charmed orcs slaughter each other for Bees amusement. This provides enough XP for a level up.
BONUS PICTURE: Roxorowski is a smelly, bearded god of war!
