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Let's Play Crusader Kings II: The Isle of Retards
- Thread starter newcomer
- Start date
Am I old enough to have a guardian yet?
I humbly request you have me raised to be a great general so that I might slaughter some heretics, or as a murderous fuck with high intrigue so that I might kill people and laugh about it later.
Also, I think your next male child should be named The Brazilian Slaughter.
I humbly request you have me raised to be a great general so that I might slaughter some heretics, or as a murderous fuck with high intrigue so that I might kill people and laugh about it later.
Also, I think your next male child should be named The Brazilian Slaughter.
I don't mind having my name slapped on some female. Turns out, it actually is female in some cultures..
And here I just thought I'd been clever when I shortened Aziraphale back in the day.
And here I just thought I'd been clever when I shortened Aziraphale back in the day.
Luzur
Good Sir
I don't mind having my name slapped on some female. Turns out, it actually is female in some cultures..
And here I just thought I'd been clever when I shortened Aziraphale back in the day.
Azira is female in most cultures afaik.
it kinda radiantes femininity, since it is a soft word.
sorry bro just pointing it out.
Nah, that's just fine. I'm too old to feel that my masculinity might be threatened by what online alias I have chosen. 
Cassidy
Arcane
I'm surprised none of the more brown heirs were named The Brazilian Slaughter yet.
newcomer
Learned
- Joined
- May 23, 2012
- Messages
- 919
The Brazilian Slaughter
There will be one.
And for JagreenLern I have to check first what is he... as far as I remember most children are educated to handle jewgolds...
Spoiler: Oh, an Underhanded Rogue. Not exactly a murderous fuck, more like an unskilled diplomat. My bad... Educating Codexians with diplomat skills is a big mistake of mine (well, I still dream of a Codex loved by everyone, so I tend to reserve 1 or 2 child to be diplomats)
Oh btw, maybe to illustrate you guys how long you will have to wait until I give you names, I have played until year 1174, which is around 100 years after the last update (rest assured that updates will be quick
)
I think I will wait until I exhausted my update reserves so that you can make a more "customized" choice of your characters
Let me prepare an update...
There will be one.
And for JagreenLern I have to check first what is he... as far as I remember most children are educated to handle jewgolds...
Spoiler: Oh, an Underhanded Rogue. Not exactly a murderous fuck, more like an unskilled diplomat. My bad... Educating Codexians with diplomat skills is a big mistake of mine (well, I still dream of a Codex loved by everyone, so I tend to reserve 1 or 2 child to be diplomats)
Oh btw, maybe to illustrate you guys how long you will have to wait until I give you names, I have played until year 1174, which is around 100 years after the last update (rest assured that updates will be quick
)I think I will wait until I exhausted my update reserves so that you can make a more "customized" choice of your characters
Let me prepare an update...
newcomer
Learned
- Joined
- May 23, 2012
- Messages
- 919
Traitors, infidels, and independence
*Special thanks to Cassidy for contributing the expression SANDNIGGER
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am… NOT THE LAW!"
Duke Underlord continues his campaign against the heretics of Ireland. Suddenly, he showed his soldiers how blessed is he after the heretics suddenly turned against each other, ignoring his holy army.
Let’s bet who will win the fight! I’ll bet 1 gold for the stinky peasant army!
Still, the results are irrelevant; Underlord crushed all of them like a skull of pig!
Meanwhile, the EMPRAH invites Underlord to attend his grand tournament. Only cowards pass up this chance for glory!
Another influential bishop abandons POPAMOLE HERESY, another big leap for the One True Faith.
After 3 months, the HERETIC garrison finally succumbed to hunger and disease. It is just a matter of time before the entire population surrenders.
And so the tournament ends. Too bad martial is not Underlord’s strong point, but at least he showed something in front of the EMPRAH.
Meanwhile, little Vernydar is turning impulsive, which will have adverse effect on his future rule. THIS SHALL NOT STAND!
Another son! Specially dedicated to The Brazilian Slaughter
After 1 year of campaign, Underlord finally crushed the HERETICS of Oriel under his boots. It is time to push the campaign further and unite Ireland.
But what is this? The EMPRAH has a claim to a county in Ireland? On top of that he wants to steal the Isle of Man? TRAITORS, Underlord shouted. From now on it is clear that the EMPRAH are nothing but SANDNIGGERS! HERETICS! MAHOMETAN LOVERS! It is clear that Underlord has to devise a plan to break free from the rule of SANDNIGGERS.
To prevent the SANDNIGGER from claiming Underlord’s rightful CLAY, he invited a proper claimant to the clay and give him an illusion of glory. This allows Underlord to claim the clay before the SANDNIGGERS
Another HERESY stomping. This will end quickly.
A prisoner! Moar Jewgoldz!
Seeing that Fafnir almost turned into an unbeliever, Underlord pulled out his strap and begin hitting him.
And what’s this? The SANDNIGGER made his move! Underlord knows he should claim this clay quickly.
And they’re using Underlord’s precious BOATS! Underlord almost fainted when he saw the maintenance cost.
On the age of 15, Vernydar suddenly showed his ability in handling Jewgolds. Underlord responded by placing him under a real JEW who converted to the Monophysitism.
After crushing countless skulls of HERETICS, the marshal found a better design for swords to crush the HERETICS more easily. Underlord is very pleased with this development.
The SANDNIGGERS are preparing to cross the sea… with UNDERLORD'S boat!
Thankfully the HERETICS submitted to Underlord before that happens.
And now, time for Underlord to claim his clay…
TRAITORS!
STINKY PEASANTS!
On 8th January 1084, Vernydar Ua Codex proved himself worthy to handle jewgolds. It is clear that the position of steward will soon be reserved to him.
And now, time to find a suitable wife with enhanced uterus… Underlord decided that this one matches his strict skill requirements.
Turns out that this girl is the daughter of an EMPRAH much more dignified than the SANDNIGGERS.
And naturally the Holy Roman EMPRAH agreed to Underlord’s request. ”Of course he will be honored to have caught my eye, I am great after all,” Underlord thinks.
MOAR STINKY PEASANTS! HOW DARE THEY HIT MY SON!
But of course, the princess of HRE brings POPAMOLE HERESY to Underlord’s court. It was Underlord how convinced her to abandon this HERESY and believe in the right thing.
Even the peasants agree that the POPAMOLE HERESY is a terrible curse. More peasants volunteer to crush the HERETICS like a skull of pig!
And finally, the traitor has been put into his rightful place, the jail!
Underlord then hand over the title to his son Vernydar, who will converts the clay into the One True Faith.
After that, Underlord decided that it is time to break free from the SANDNIGGERS before he himself is BANNED.
And so, an independence war is started.
While Underlord can theoretically call the Holy Roman EMPRAH to war, he finds no need to do so for one simple reason: the SANDNIGGERS is virtually landlocked from Ireland!
This is why this war is also known as “Independence without wasted blood”.
Fafnir also shows potential in handling Jewgolds. He will be tutored by Vernydar to master his skills in jewgold handling.
At the coming of age ceremony, Fafnir has proved himself in managing Jewgolds. Sadly, his twin brother TOME do not share the same skills. But Underlord will make good use for them.
Fafnir is bethored to a genius maiden to produce quality kids. Meanwhile, TOME is sent to a count in Wales for diplomatic reason; Underlord hopes that this county will soon be united under the glorious Codex family.
Fafnir, showing much more potential than Vernydar in Jewgolds, appealed to be a steward. Underlord is known to maintain high standerds, so naturally he agreed to Fafnir ‘s demands.
One day, Fafnir asked for a clay to govern. Sadly Underlord has no suitable clay for him, and so his request is turned down. At least he still got his wife.
More HERETICS converted! Underlord is very pleased with this. On top of that, the war with SANDNIGGERS is going in his favor.
While waiting for the SANDNIGGERS to surrender, Underlord builds his strength to prepare for glorious Codex’s independence.
JagreenLern fails to master diplomacy… Oh well.. Underlord thinks it is a mistake for Codexians to learn to be liked by other people anyway
Underlord is very pleased to learn that TOME is doing well in Wales. Hopes for uniting Wales under Codex is visible.
Meanwhile, Princess Bee seems to be interested in crushing HERETICS. Underlord agrees that even girls should learn how to crush HERETICS!
MY PRECIOUS BEE!
At the very least, Fafnir managed to squeeze more Jewgolds for Underlord’s holy campaign.
On 16th August 1089, Underlord obtained his first granddaughter from Fafnir. The Codex dynasty is expanding!
The Brazilian Slaughter turns cynical for his age. While Underlord can cure him with more spanking, he thinks that being cynical will help The Brazilian Slaughter to be a great spy, so he did nothing to The Brazilian Slaughter
After 5 years of “war”, it is clear that the SANDNIGGERS cannot cross the ocean. It is obvious that Underlord triumphed.
Directly after the war, Underlord reformed the succession law to make sure Vernydar gets everything. Good for preventing succession wars, he thinks.
And so, on 11th February 1090, Underlord Ua Codex is free from the shackles of SANDNIGGERS. The Codex can now focus their ambition to unite Ireland under Monophysitism.
*Special thanks to Cassidy for contributing the expression SANDNIGGER
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am… NOT THE LAW!"
Duke Underlord continues his campaign against the heretics of Ireland. Suddenly, he showed his soldiers how blessed is he after the heretics suddenly turned against each other, ignoring his holy army.
Let’s bet who will win the fight! I’ll bet 1 gold for the stinky peasant army!
Still, the results are irrelevant; Underlord crushed all of them like a skull of pig!
Meanwhile, the EMPRAH invites Underlord to attend his grand tournament. Only cowards pass up this chance for glory!
Another influential bishop abandons POPAMOLE HERESY, another big leap for the One True Faith.
After 3 months, the HERETIC garrison finally succumbed to hunger and disease. It is just a matter of time before the entire population surrenders.
And so the tournament ends. Too bad martial is not Underlord’s strong point, but at least he showed something in front of the EMPRAH.
Meanwhile, little Vernydar is turning impulsive, which will have adverse effect on his future rule. THIS SHALL NOT STAND!
Another son! Specially dedicated to The Brazilian Slaughter
After 1 year of campaign, Underlord finally crushed the HERETICS of Oriel under his boots. It is time to push the campaign further and unite Ireland.
But what is this? The EMPRAH has a claim to a county in Ireland? On top of that he wants to steal the Isle of Man? TRAITORS, Underlord shouted. From now on it is clear that the EMPRAH are nothing but SANDNIGGERS! HERETICS! MAHOMETAN LOVERS! It is clear that Underlord has to devise a plan to break free from the rule of SANDNIGGERS.
To prevent the SANDNIGGER from claiming Underlord’s rightful CLAY, he invited a proper claimant to the clay and give him an illusion of glory. This allows Underlord to claim the clay before the SANDNIGGERS
Another HERESY stomping. This will end quickly.
A prisoner! Moar Jewgoldz!
Seeing that Fafnir almost turned into an unbeliever, Underlord pulled out his strap and begin hitting him.
And what’s this? The SANDNIGGER made his move! Underlord knows he should claim this clay quickly.
And they’re using Underlord’s precious BOATS! Underlord almost fainted when he saw the maintenance cost.
On the age of 15, Vernydar suddenly showed his ability in handling Jewgolds. Underlord responded by placing him under a real JEW who converted to the Monophysitism.
After crushing countless skulls of HERETICS, the marshal found a better design for swords to crush the HERETICS more easily. Underlord is very pleased with this development.
The SANDNIGGERS are preparing to cross the sea… with UNDERLORD'S boat!
Thankfully the HERETICS submitted to Underlord before that happens.
And now, time for Underlord to claim his clay…
TRAITORS!
STINKY PEASANTS!
On 8th January 1084, Vernydar Ua Codex proved himself worthy to handle jewgolds. It is clear that the position of steward will soon be reserved to him.
And now, time to find a suitable wife with enhanced uterus… Underlord decided that this one matches his strict skill requirements.
Turns out that this girl is the daughter of an EMPRAH much more dignified than the SANDNIGGERS.
And naturally the Holy Roman EMPRAH agreed to Underlord’s request. ”Of course he will be honored to have caught my eye, I am great after all,” Underlord thinks.
MOAR STINKY PEASANTS! HOW DARE THEY HIT MY SON!
But of course, the princess of HRE brings POPAMOLE HERESY to Underlord’s court. It was Underlord how convinced her to abandon this HERESY and believe in the right thing.
Even the peasants agree that the POPAMOLE HERESY is a terrible curse. More peasants volunteer to crush the HERETICS like a skull of pig!
And finally, the traitor has been put into his rightful place, the jail!
Underlord then hand over the title to his son Vernydar, who will converts the clay into the One True Faith.
After that, Underlord decided that it is time to break free from the SANDNIGGERS before he himself is BANNED.
And so, an independence war is started.
While Underlord can theoretically call the Holy Roman EMPRAH to war, he finds no need to do so for one simple reason: the SANDNIGGERS is virtually landlocked from Ireland!
This is why this war is also known as “Independence without wasted blood”.
Fafnir also shows potential in handling Jewgolds. He will be tutored by Vernydar to master his skills in jewgold handling.
At the coming of age ceremony, Fafnir has proved himself in managing Jewgolds. Sadly, his twin brother TOME do not share the same skills. But Underlord will make good use for them.
Fafnir is bethored to a genius maiden to produce quality kids. Meanwhile, TOME is sent to a count in Wales for diplomatic reason; Underlord hopes that this county will soon be united under the glorious Codex family.
Fafnir, showing much more potential than Vernydar in Jewgolds, appealed to be a steward. Underlord is known to maintain high standerds, so naturally he agreed to Fafnir ‘s demands.
One day, Fafnir asked for a clay to govern. Sadly Underlord has no suitable clay for him, and so his request is turned down. At least he still got his wife.
More HERETICS converted! Underlord is very pleased with this. On top of that, the war with SANDNIGGERS is going in his favor.
While waiting for the SANDNIGGERS to surrender, Underlord builds his strength to prepare for glorious Codex’s independence.
JagreenLern fails to master diplomacy… Oh well.. Underlord thinks it is a mistake for Codexians to learn to be liked by other people anyway
Underlord is very pleased to learn that TOME is doing well in Wales. Hopes for uniting Wales under Codex is visible.
Meanwhile, Princess Bee seems to be interested in crushing HERETICS. Underlord agrees that even girls should learn how to crush HERETICS!
MY PRECIOUS BEE!
At the very least, Fafnir managed to squeeze more Jewgolds for Underlord’s holy campaign.
On 16th August 1089, Underlord obtained his first granddaughter from Fafnir. The Codex dynasty is expanding!
The Brazilian Slaughter turns cynical for his age. While Underlord can cure him with more spanking, he thinks that being cynical will help The Brazilian Slaughter to be a great spy, so he did nothing to The Brazilian Slaughter
After 5 years of “war”, it is clear that the SANDNIGGERS cannot cross the ocean. It is obvious that Underlord triumphed.
Directly after the war, Underlord reformed the succession law to make sure Vernydar gets everything. Good for preventing succession wars, he thinks.
And so, on 11th February 1090, Underlord Ua Codex is free from the shackles of SANDNIGGERS. The Codex can now focus their ambition to unite Ireland under Monophysitism.
newcomer
Learned
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- May 23, 2012
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- 919
This is all going a bit too good if you ask me. Why hasn't one of the regional behemoths tried to swallow you yet? : x
newcomer
Learned
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Because now my military is on par with them thx to all the banning
And besides, even if they have the military to do so they can't; in CK2 you need a reason to start a war, unlike in EU3 where you can just start a war and becomes infamous. Currently only the Isle of Man is in danger of being lost to regional behemoths, because it is traditionally under the Duke of the Isles (military-wise weaker than Underlord) and Scotland (military-wise on par with Underlord)
And btw, Underlord is already considered a regional behemoth at this stage
Not yet, there's still the son of Vernydar . You're the second in line for the throne
Abandoned at page 3? 
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