Let's Play Crusader Kings II: The Isle of Retards

[Vernydar]

Too Easy depends on what you do actually, more than where you choose to be. Each person has it's own set of values. For example, in my opinion
- if you use assassination the game is too easy
- if you use crusades the game is too easy
- If you give kingdom titles away the game is too easy

But this is just how I play, so this is your thread and you do what you want.

Isle of man because it's fun being the smallest piece of dirt on the continent, and one at a risk of being attacked from every side. Including scotland.

That said, new character. no op traits. 100% fertility if you want.

 

[newcomer]

Vernydar

Now that you said it... How about an Irish Monophyshite?

And for the status... Can you define "No OP traits"? Of course I won't pick Genius or Quick, but maybe Strong is alright?
Also, how about the status itself? How many status can be 20+ ? And for the rest I'll dump it to fertility & health

And for my first action... it will be swearing fealty to Scotland I think.. The Duke of Isles always get fucked by Scotland in my games, so I won't trust him

I guess I will be posting the preview of the character in a few hours...
Also, do you guys want me to use your nicknames in naming children?

For the vassal kings... Let's see how big I'll become. The rule I currently follow is that I will only hand over kingdoms which are within my dejure and hold the rest, because if I hand over everything all my vassal kings will attack each other for being outside my Crown Authority. But not handing over those titles is the same for asking death wish, particularly because the new 1.06b actually programmed AI to be more rebellious during independence war

 

[newcomer]

Oh, and regarding what I actually do that I regard it "Too Easy"?

See how I play later. Of course feel free to comment, even the negative ones. Rest assured that harshly taxing my vassals & exploiting methods to vassalize mercenaries is not my playstyle (though I do vassalize holy orders.... but more for the sake of lulz & I don't make myself the Grandmaster in that case)

 

[newcomer]

Comment guys! If everyone is happy with this I will begin the journey

 

[The Brazilian Slaughter]

Your character is too imba with that 20 diplomacy. I had characters with around that level of diplo, everyone sucked my cock, wanted to have my babies and would plot for a mere gift of jewgoldz.

 

[JagreenLern]

Your character is too imba with that 20 diplomacy. I had characters with around that level of diplo, everyone sucked my cock, wanted to have my babies and would plot for a mere gift of jewgoldz.

Besides, it wouldn't be very codexian to have everyone like you. Give DU high intrigue instead, to "ban" people.

 

[newcomer]

Besides, it wouldn't be very codexian to have everyone like you. Give DU high intrigue instead, to "ban" people.

Good suggestion. Then I'll just trade the Grey Eminence with Elusive Shadow (Intrigue) & reverse the diplo & intrigue?
I should also mention that Catholics hate Monophysites down to the core, if we become a councillor the pope will ask our liege to jail us

Oh, and everyone who posted in this thread will have their name added as children of DU

 

[Canus]

We are the 1%.

 

[newcomer]

First update within 24 hours

Teaser:

 

[newcomer]

Humble Beginnings
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Painting of the dynasty founder, Underlord Ua Codex

Traits: Elusive Shadow, Strong, Hedonist, Lustful, Greedy, Patient, Content, Zealous, Lunatic (Praise be to God!), Wounded


It is still a mystery until today how the Ua Codex family came into power. Historical records suggest that the founder of the dynasty, Underlord Ua Codex, went on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem after being excommunicated by the Catholic Pope (a few articles stated that he was sold as a slave to Jerusalem*). It was not clear why he was excommunicated in the first place. During his stay, he saw a vision of what he described as a blinding light, in which he heard a voice telling him that the Catholic Church is heretical, and commanded him to follow the teachings of the priests of the Abyssinia Empire. And thus he embraced Monophysitism, and through some lucky coincidence, managed to return to the Isle.

Once he arrived on his home village, he began performing many miracles, until the lord of the Isle stepped down in order for the Isle obtained the blessings of God through Underlord’s rule. However, his rule is not without opposition from the local inhabitants. Adversaries began spreading false information about Underlord’s behavior, stressing how he loved to punch and kick random people & shout meaningless stuffs at completely random time, even during diplomatic meetings.

And Underlord’s comment regarding these people?

BAN THEM





*This article lacks proper citation. You can help Codexpedia by providing one.

 

[newcomer]

Marshal, BAN them!

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"I have no times for retards and popamolists. Marshal, BAN THEM!"
Count Underlord Ua Codex, 15th September 1066


Although the voices at Jerusalem told him that Catholic is a heresy, not everyone appreciate that fact even after they are shown miracles. Count Underlord is very disappointed with the current acceptance rate of the One True Faith among his courts.

Bishop Fedlimid, a popamolist, was recorded telling Underlord:
“Truly, God is all-loving that he allowed a lunatic and heretic like you to perform miracles.”
Imagine how much butthurt did he felt!

Thus, on the first day of his rule, Underlord scoured the entire Isle for clear-sighted, pious, and of course, non-popamolist people. They are elevated to the status of a noble.

Then, he appointed a Marshal!

He approached the drooling imbecile bishop…

And banned him for good! (Permanent ban will be executed after Underlord’s confession of sins)

After all the stressful arguments with the jailed popamolist, Underlord replaced all his councilors with believers of the One True Faith. He sent his Chancellor to recover his “lost claims” for the county of Breifne, his Steward to squeeze more money from tax-evaders, his Spymaster to secure the capital by building spy networks, and his Court Chaplain to educate the peasants with the One True Faith.

He then proceed to pray for a wife, and apparently found a genius, although not necessarily attractive, lady

And married her!

And thus his prayer is fulfilled! Praise be to God!

Now he is pious enough to perma-ban the bishop!

He told the mayor, “YOU’RE NEXT!”
He prayed day and night to obtain revelation on the best day to ban the mayor.

Meanwhile, his wife is pregnant! Praise be to God!

And finally, the fated day arrived!

And after perma-banned him, Underlord now has enough money to build an administration institution for the enhancement of the economy. Truly he is blessed by God, for where does the money for building the institution came from if not from Him?

 

[Norfleet]

I should also mention that Catholics hate Monophysites down to the core, if we become a councillor the pope will ask our liege to jail us

Nah, they only hate you about as much as they hate all Orthodox, unless this was changed: Monophysite is considered an Orthodox Heresy, which means Catholics merely dislike you, but other Orthodoxes and Islamics hate you (and vice versa).

 

[newcomer]

Nah, they only hate you about as much as they hate all Orthodox, unless this was changed: Monophysite is considered an Orthodox Heresy, which means Catholics merely dislike you, but other Orthodoxes and Islamics hate you (and vice versa).

Yes, but if we play as a Catholic & have a Monophysite as our councilor (Chancellor, Spymaster, ect.), the popamole will ask us to jail them.
In fact, one unlucky Ua Codex will get jailed this way

And rejoice, I've got enough pics worth 2 lifetime of Ua Codex rulers. Now I'll only need to LARP a bit... (and create new photobucket & imgur account)

 

[newcomer]

Oh btw, do you guys mind if the heirs of Ua Codex become a Diplomat who is loved by everyone? Or stick to being hated by everyone? (Rest assured that the next ruler is quite hated...)
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Emissary of the Holy Land

The Isle is a De Jure part of Duchy of Isles.
The Isle is also a De Jure part of the Kingdom of Scotland.
However, there's no way I'll kneel to those HERETICS!

Count Underlord Ua Codex, 24th April 1070

Paintings of Vernydar Ua Codex, first son of Underlord Ua Codex.




Some of the reforms Underlord made is to make sure that only Monophysites hold any power in his court.

Thus, the moment a popamolist pleaded to be made a councilor, he realized that there are always room for improvements.

Once again, Underlord scoured the Isle for people of the One True Faith. And he found a skillful one, at least skillful enough to shut the popamolist’s mouth.

Underlord also believed that love is able to change the nature of a man. By giving his wife a present worth his savings for one year, he managed to opened her heart to accept the grace of God.

On 24th April 1070, Underlord decided that right now the Duke of Isles is a threat to the independence of the Isle. However, he loathed the thought of bowing to him, for he is a HERETIC.

Instead Underlord set sail for the Abyssinia Empire, hoping to secure their protection. It is worthy to note that Abyssinia is a virtually landlocked country from Europe’s perspective, so Underlord never hoped them to actually help him in his wars.

The Ethiopian King is fascinated with Underlord’s skills & faith. Thus, he immediately agreed to his proposal

And showered him with great honor!

Just as how the three kings from the East gifted their treasures to Jesus, The Lord blessed him with three treasures. One is the mass conversion of peasants to the One True Faith. The other two are his sons.

And his wounds are healed! Praise be to God!

On 2th January 1071, Underlord Ua Codex finally managed to recover his lost claim on the County of Breifne. According to some experts, this marks the beginning of the Ua Codex legacy on Europe.

 

[Darklife]

You'll have to bow down to one of the powers that be in the region, because I don't think your Abyssinian patron will last for long.

Unless you somehow manage to subject the petty counts of Ireland before Scotland, Norway, England or the Isles manage to do so.

 

[newcomer]

You'll have to bow down to one of the powers that be in the region, because I don't think your Abyssinian patron will last for long.

Unless you somehow manage to subject the petty counts of Ireland before Scotland, Norway, England or the Isles manage to do so.

There's a good reason to choose Breifne as a starting point: it's a 2-county dukedom, so you can immediately subjugate another county after winning this war.
And once you're a duke, you can rely on title claimants instead of waiting for new "recovered claims ", so things gets much easier down there

P.S. Especially when we have a hated leader who specializes in "banning" people
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Struggle for power


Reserved for update

Sorry I'm too tired yesterday... Will create new post & update in a few hours

 

[lightbane]

Following this lp with interest.

 

[newcomer]

Struggle for power

"BAN EVERYONE WHO DESTROYS MY CODEX!!!"



While Underlord have enough soldier to recover his “rightful” title, he knows well that he should make a better preparation for the war. This is especially true in the finance department, for Underlord have to declare himself a duke right after the war, right before the Abyssinian Emperor declared himself one and give it to his own son, for Underlord knows what is his true goal behind all the richness he showered to Underlord.

Having successfully recovered claims for Breifne, Chancellor Ricard is sent to the neighbouring county Oriel to recover another “lost claim”

Meanwhile, a peculiar case of “horny boars” are brought into Underlord’s attention. Underlord showed how just his rule is in ruling the emerging Codex family.

Another member! Welcome JagreenLern!

Having gathered a considerable amount of jewgold, Underlord decided that the time has arrived for Breifne to return to his hand.

He let the cowardly Breifne soldiers pass through and proceed to capture the target area.

Meanwhile, good news has come from our steward that he has managed to squeeze collect some jewgolds from the peasants

He sacked the city of the infidel!

And crushed their army! INFIDELS MUST DIE!

Thanks to the leadership of the brave Underlord, the righteous army has crushed the Catholic HERETICS!

Underlord proceed to kill the Catholic HERETICS who captured his city. Meanwhile, Vernydar turned into a little braggart. While he is happy with this, he should rein Vernydar a bit for Underlord is not great… YET!

A female; the least thing Underlord can expect! He is quite confused to what name he shall give her. At the end, he opened a secret book titled “LPs of the toothbrush-loving onii-chan”, and pulled the cutest name available from there.

MOAR JEWGOLDS!

And suddenly our jewgold collector dies! He must have squeezed these money instead of asking for them nicely! Oh well, one less mouth to feed

And the Isle is liberated!

Underlord crushed the infidels under his boots!

ALL HAIL CODEX!

CONVERT THE HERETICS!

And for the few who refused, BAN THEM!

Sadly, Underlord got bored of the Holy Scriptures already, for he has completely memorized them.

Fafnir shared his toys with the peasant’s son! While not the best things to do, this might give him an edge in collecting jewgolds.

And Vernydar pointed out how fat is that monster who calls herself “lady”. Serves her right!

And finally, approximately three years after the heretics in Breifne are converted, Underlord has gathered more loyal subjects to crush the popamolists like a skull of pig!

More lost claims!

The heretics, seeing the strength of Underlord, decided to abandon the thought of sacking his Isle!

BAN THE HERETICS! Well, not yet; he might escape. Underlord will have to wait his marshal to get this heretic.

At the end, he escaped the banning with hacks and cheats. What a shame… But Underlord still have more armies to capture him

Another girl! This time Underlord has a good name in his mind, Bee!

And the heretics are captured and banned!

And thus, on 17 October 1080, the Codex managed to secure its seat of power.

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Please suggest on these topics:
- List of baby girl name (or is it fine to put your nicks as girl names?)
- Whether the heir of Codex should have extremely low diplomacy (so that Codex are hated by everyone )
- Alternatively, should the heir of Codex gradually becomes liked by everyone?

I should tell you beforehand that I have progressed far past these scenes, so your suggestion may take updates to take effect. But rest assured that if you are the ones who are in favor of being hated, then I can give you a little spoiler that the next few rulers are... retards

 

[newcomer]

More bump needed. Also, answer my questions.

I'll be going away for a few days without internet access. If you guys managed to bump the page, maybe I'll post one or two more updates

 

[Darklife]

I want to be a woman! Also, I think that we should be despised by all

Furthermore if the next rulers are retarded, they should make equally retarded decisions, like say invading England. M:

 

[newcomer]

Furthermore if the next rulers are retarded, they should make equally retarded decisions, like say invading England. M:

They're not exactly retarded (not a drooling imbecile, sorry ), but at least they are retarded diplomatically
At least, they know how to handle jewgolds

And I've added your name as one of my "Quick" (pseudo-genius) male baby, but of course I can put your name for female babies as well

 

[lightbane]

- Alternatively, should the heir of Codex gradually becomes liked by everyone?

This, we are supposed to be the Master Race after all... M:

 

[Vernydar]

Hmm poor Vernydar is not really showing promise with stewardship. Let's hope he improves in the seven years he has.

Personally, I am currently playing a little bit as an orthodox in ireland. I don't like heresy much. But this lp is nice

 

[newcomer]

Hmm poor Vernydar is not really showing promise with stewardship. Let's hope he improves in the seven years he has.

Sometimes even the worst imbecile can be a good leader... but most of the times they don't.
The only thing I can say is that for young Vernydar's case... it's quite demoralizing

And for heresies... I guess one of the great thing is that you can holy war Constantinople (my favorite capital county)
But the guys at the bottom of the map might do some damage to the moral authority..
Not to mention how Catholics will be happy to jail us once the popamole told them to

But unlike you Vernydar , I'm not honorable enough to not kill anyone or uphold truces. And it's a waste with such a high intrigue leader not to plot / kill... And even with that the path to greatness is quite fucked up (and is getting more fucked up as the game progresses ). After all this is not a usual story where a highly-skilled diplomat is so well liked that everyone whats to lick his boot, become his vassal, and plot for a mere jewgolds (which is given back to the said ruler by feudal taxation)

 

[newcomer]

Intermezzo: Geopolitical Sitauation

Caliph Al-Mutansir (Shia) decided that the heretical Byzantine should be crushed like a skull of pig! Not that we care, for we can holy war both of them! Let them kill each other & destroy each other's temple.

It appears that our close neighbor England has been invaded by some random bastard called William de Normandie. Sadly he didn't live long enough to enjoy the spoils of war.