CKII is released.

[RK47]

But you can also just hire a good doctor that likes you and have a ~98% chance of a good treatment if you select a well tested one. Hospital doesn't do shit to protect you from the actual bad stuff like Black Death or random Cancer.

Yeah, but once I got money to burn, I took the +25% tech spread bonus as well from the Hospital.

 

[Fedora Master]

I really get the feeling the AI is just trolling the player. There has been a CONSTANT back and forth between Catholics and Orthodox for control of the Byzantine Empire. I've converted back and forth multiple times because I want to end the schism...one way or another. The moment I officially convert, the AI starts to go the other way. It's absurd.

 

[Average Manatee]

But you can also just hire a good doctor that likes you and have a ~98% chance of a good treatment if you select a well tested one. Hospital doesn't do shit to protect you from the actual bad stuff like Black Death or random Cancer.

Yeah, but once I got money to burn, I took the +25% tech spread bonus as well from the Hospital.

I'm pretty sure that's a mostly useless thing, it'll only increase the spread rate from other regions to your capital, but past the early game your capital tends to be tech leader in almost everything anyway just due to having your spymaster steal tech from high tech areas.

The +0.0x points per month buildings help but are still really dang small in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Fedora Master]

Now wait a minute...

 

[RK47]

The Sword of God takes over Arles with great anticipation. Already the neighboring kingdoms are forming defensive pacts to counter his expansions. Not to mention the Anglo-Saxon vassals annoyed with the cultural differences. But that's the least of his concern. He has six sons and two daughters. And he is only 31 years old.

Expansion can wait. Succession needs to be planned.

Spoiler

Three years later, the unthinkable happened. The seventh son appeared. Instead of crying, this one shouted for TURN constantly.

This boy is special.
The Sultan pursues Mystic arts and Theology to learn self-control.

Elsewhere, his firstborn has come of age and he proved himself very capable of ruling. Unfortunately, the timing isn't right. By the time the Sultan is ready to abdicate, his firstborn would be nearly 50 years old.

The Sultan quickly hatched a plan to buy himself more time to prepare his Seventh-born Prince for the throne. One that includes constructing the Legendary Fountain of Youth.

Days in seclusion and prayers, at last, he attains self-control.

The Seventh-born is to be his successor.

Now the time comes to prepare the other princes.
The firstborn, Turicel will rule over a small county just north of Provence.

The second Prince made things easy for his father, he joined the Holy Order.

The third died of rabies, one less burden.

The fifth and sixth prince proved too ambitious to be left alone. After several short holy wars in Africa failing to grievously wound them, the Sultan saw no choice but to hand both of them the Bishopry.

The fourth, Prince Mubhasir can be tolerated. In a fortunate arrangement, the Sultan gave the fourth prince rule over his two bishop brothers as a Count in a newly conquered county.

The preparation is complete. It's now his turn.

The wait was worth it.
The Kingdom of Germany has fallen into heresy and the Pope has called upon a Crusade. The timing is ripe.

If Prince Kalin can prove himself, he will ascend to the throne with both prestige and piety. Not to mention chests full of gold.
The Sultan takes two of his best sons with him, his first and last.

It was there he had a powerful vision.

The timing was too good to miss. He bade farewell to his sons and handed over his crown.

The newly crowned Sultan did not disappoint, leading from the front, taking the Crusaders to victory over Germany

His vassals can no longer contest his right to rule.

Long live the Sultan of Arles.

 

[Fedora Master]

Kalin in charge of Germany? THAT is how you end up with a Shia HRE!

E: I went for the "Build 10 cities" bloodline but as it turns out in ALL OF FUCKING ITALY AND MOST OF NORTH AFRICA there were no free holding slots available.

 

[RK47]

I just had a crazy bug that occurred in my game.
A revolt happened as my retinue was moving past a county, they 'retreated' but the retinue vanished.
Yes, a 7200 heavy infantry retinue just vanished into thin air after being routed by a stack of 2000 rebels.

What the fuck? Couldn't reload since this is ironman but man, that could've been a fatal error. I had to make up the vassal threats with temporary mercs.

Also, beware that 'Abdication to Holy Order' event when your King goes on Crusades.
He literally meant giving away everything, which means your heir starts with 0 gold upon taking the throne.

I lost 20k gold just like that.

 

[Fedora Master]

I don't mind my ruler dying this time but still... FUCK YOU PARADOX.

 

[CthuluIsSpy]

So in my Karen / Zoroastrian attempt I'm running into a problem - no good spymasters. Anyone with an intrigue higher than 10 is absurdly hard to find, and Zoros can't take women spymasters for some dumb reason.
Right now I have a spy master who's greedy and possessed with intrigue 19, but I'm not sure if he's safe. I did give him some concubines to start a spymaster breeding program, but I don't know whether to replace him with someone incompetent, or keep him as spymaster and hope that no one outbids me.

 

[RK47]

He's safe. Don't worry.
As long you keep him happy he won't do crazy stuff.
Possessed / Lunatic tends to start random plots, and sometimes it can be beneficial for you to let it happen.
If I have a lunatic count I just let him plot and arrest then release without consequences to get the vassals opinions up. It adds up pretty quickly when you have that Tech that increases nobles' opinion of you as well.

 

[CthuluIsSpy]

Yeah, he was safe. My ruler didn't suddenly die, so that was fine. What pissed me off though was getting the Death chess event twice in a row. First ruler survived because of Strategist. His son wasn't so lucky, but his heir was already an adult and formed the Persian Empire, restored the High Priesthood, took Arabia and might even become Sashaoyant if I can beat the Byzantine Empire enough times.

Also, Geniuses are showing up and I'm grabbing as many of those as I can to turn into concubines.
If I can replace every ruler with a Dynasty member, I can probably safely use elective succession. With Zoros you actually want to go Elective, just to avoid inbred and choose your heir. Problem though is somehow one vassal went on a conquering spree and formed the Transorient kingdom himself. I have no idea how he did it with 5000 men. Now I have to retract one of my dejure vassals from him, but that's fine. If he rebels I can crush him, revoke his king title and clean stuff up a little.

I really don't understand why I can't just nominate an heir without every fucker in the kingdom deciding on it or trying to make themselves emperor. Pretty sure you see that happen all the time in history; an heir isn't fit to rule, so the king names another. There should be an option to choose an heir if the primary heir has a defect, so you don't have to spend the next several hours playing as someone useless and having to play whack a mole with factions.

Also, having a fail chance and a cooldown period with suicide when you have an incapable ruler is bullshit. Its as if Paradox wants to waste their player's time.

It also sucks that you need Sons of Abraham to get the Immortals.
Why can't I get Immortals in Old Gods? You know, the DLC that allows you to play as Zoros? If they were going that route, shouldn't Zoros be Sons of Abraham only? That's kind of bullshit.

 

[RK47]

Damn, great waifu dying of cancer after just giving one boy heir.
Both husband and wife are geniuses but failed to produce geniuses.

She was sorta valid.

Spoiler

Elsewhere the Orthodoxy is finished.

Meanwhile, the young King takes his craven vassal for a nice trip to the Underground City of Fes to remind him who's in charge.

Elsewhere, Prince Thuricel - the firstborn passes away and hands over the reign to his only son.

The reign did not take off the ground.
Days after burying his Sortavalid Russian bride in his car trunk, King Kalin scour the bridal catalog for the best candidates.
So many defensive pacts were formed against the King these days, it's a good idea to form Non-Aggression Pacts with a strong King if possible...

Ho ho ho, this will do nicely.
I wonder if I have a kid and pressed his mother's claim would the weak claim on Byzantine pass on to the son?



Euphy grew up to be pretty average, but it's ok.

The wedding gifts didn't hurt and Kalin certainly did better than his brother-in-law.

Wtf is this shit?
Sorta retarded
Lover's Pox makes it hot.
Kind
Shy
Doesn't mind anal
and Humble

Yeah a true wife material
No wonder the Pope excommunicated him

I can't wait for Operation Purple Blood.

 

[Fedora Master]

Shitty Reddit Meme/10
Still laffed

 

[thesecret1]

I've been playing a republic and holy shit it's bad. Real bad. And buggy.

The #1 reason not to play republics. I tried playing them several times, even had some fun since it's about the only time playing tall is actually viable in the game, but it's so incredibly buggy, like damn. Also, other families seem to be total retards that never really manage to pose a threat, so that's also a bummer.

 

[Fedora Master]

It's April 1st 1280 AD and I kind of lost interest in playing on, since there really isn't anything to do for me.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

I was essentially the kingmaker of Europe. My dynasty at one point ruled Spain, the Romans, Italy and Jerusalem at the same time. Sadly my crusader queen somehow managed to create a line of literal retards.

Really, the more you play the worse CK2 gets with its bullshit. For some reason the game won't accept my designated heir, instead picking some veeeeery distant kinsman. Fucking sucks.

There's an achievement for owning 80 trade posts as a republic. Pretty simple, right? Nope. The AI is too stupid to use and upgrade trade posts. 50 is maybe doable but 80 - No.

 

[Average Manatee]

Shitty Reddit Meme/10
Still laffed

Would be better if it referenced needing to acquire enough titles to land your all your gavelkind sons.

 

[RK47]

It's time. Gonna blow 30k gold on mercs, no fuck ups. It's the 14th century. 40 years till the end. It's the time! THE TIME TO END THIS! THE WAR TO END ALL WARS!

Spoiler

Applied Free Investiture for the vassals reputation boost. I'm calling every single levy. No holding back.

Prior to the war, 50,000 mercs were hired on top of the 10,000 strong retinues of heavy infantry. They will land near Croatia, the Basileus' capital holding.

The invasion begins. The levies now can follow.

With such a huge empire, it's a simple matter of utilizing the mercs and retinue as the spearhead. While the levies siege the faraway holdings of Byzantine in Spain and North Africa.
Faced with such intense pressure, the Basileus attempts to deploy a large army but had to deal with a revolt and other kingdoms exploiting his weakness to press de jure claims.

His treasury could not keep up.
No major battles were fought as rapid sieges were mounted and won.

It was over in a year.

Phew. Alright. Now to cruise for the Papal installation.

 

[Mikeal]

 

[CthuluIsSpy]

"You can't imprison me! I'll imprison myself! FUCK YOU FACTIONS!"
I have no idea how that could be possible, but that's pretty funny :D

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

"Mistakes were made."

 

[Fedora Master]

Did you just post a photo of your screen?

 

[CthuluIsSpy]

It's time. Gonna blow 30k gold on mercs, no fuck ups. It's the 14th century. 40 years till the end. It's the time! THE TIME TO END THIS! THE WAR TO END ALL WARS!

That actually sounds like the end of my Norse Empire of Scandinavia run. Launched a Great Holy War for France like 20 years before the game ends. Took it.
Right now I'm trying to be the Sasaoyant. Problem is though that the Byzantines have the last few lands I need for it to happen, that it will take at least 4 wars to do it. Also, the year is 1190, which means Mongols are on the way.

 

[CthuluIsSpy]

Is it normal for epidemics to last like 5 years? Getting real sick of having to go into seclusion all of the time because diseases always stay way longer than they have to. Even with hospital level 3.

 

[mondblut]

I've been playing a republic and holy shit it's bad. Real bad. And buggy.

The #1 reason not to play republics. I tried playing them several times, even had some fun since it's about the only time playing tall is actually viable in the game, but it's so incredibly buggy, like damn.

Clarify plox? I've been thinking of returning to CK, and playing as rapey-razey Norse republic used to be fun* back in the Old Gods days. What's so buggy about it now?

* other than the game slowing to a crawl whenever you switch to the trade post map layer.

 

[thesecret1]

What's so buggy about it now?

The top annoying bugs were that trading posts, if occupied, will never stop being occupied, not even after the war ends, and even though they work normally, you cannot really capture them in a war with other patricians, and that succession sometimes bugs out and loses your family's own holdings to the republic leader. It also felt as though there was a general lack of effort? The AI of other patricians is attrocious and they will basically never pose any threat or even manage to get a good money flow. There weren't all that many events tied to republics so the ones that are there get cycled over and over and over again, and you'll ecounter each one in every playthrough. The money you get after a (relatively short while) of playing intelligently (read: chaining tradeposts), you'll start amassing a truly ridiculous income that only snowballs more and more until you have nothing to spend it on anymore to the point it makes me wonder whether the devs ever actually playtested this... Really, all around, it feels like the players are expected to try playing merchant republics exactly once and then never trying it again, because one playthrough is about all there is to it.

Also seniority succession is mandatory, so you'll always play as some shit-tier old fart from a distant branch that dies in 5 years before being replaced by another one. Sure, you could play a lean dynasty, but this time, having unlanded adult male characters in your dynasty will raise your trade post cap, so you actually need them if you want to get richer.