(This write-up is written by both Grotsnik and Grunker)
T'was a sunny day, on a seemingly random place in a seemingly random world. A silence covered this place, like a carpet blanketing a sleeping giant. It wasn't long before travellers came to this place, however, and sat themselves down in chairs, filled the benches, and stood - all watching the same thing: A finely trimmed field of grass. Suddenly, two taps on a microphone rung out to the far corners of the world, and an explosion of sound broke the giant's silence!
Bob (Grotsnik): HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER GREAT MATCH OF BLOOD BOWL! I am Bob Bifford, and right here next to me is my buddy Jim Johnson!
Jim (Grunker): Exactly Bob! We're sure to see some fantastic ball on the field today!
Bob: That's right Jim! Once again Grunker's Dead Money takes on Grotsnik's Reptilian New World Order! No love lost between these two teams – and surprisingly little blood lost, as well. Could be this is the match that changes all that?
Jim: I'll bet my lunch, Bob! These teams have been trying to hurt each other for years - we'll surely see some death and destruction this day! The Lizards win the coin-flip and choose to recieve!
Bob: A Ghoul takes the kick – and it’s a high kick, but even if it wasn’t, it’s flown off the field! A Skink gets it in his hands and sets up a tight cage on the left wing. Meanwhile, a Saurus charges off after the deadly Rex, highly skilled werewolf – he downs him but worryingly, the saurus is left on the line. That’s a real bit of first-turn stupidity right there!
Jim: Grunker must thank Nuffle for this gift! He's not gonna waste this chance - he sets up and assist with a ghoul and a wight, and goes for the crowd-surf with Rex... And it's a kill!!! The crowd is in a frenzy!
Bob: Meanwhile, the lizards shift forward into the Necromantic half, the mighty Kroxigor K.O.ing a zombie, as if that’s much consolation. They’re being forced into a tighter and tighter formation, though…
Jim: But a grinning skull emerges in the fight, it's one of those undead - a wight! He blocks and shudder to think - he outright KILLS a skink!
Bob: Pure poetry in motion, Jim. Now the ball carrier’s surrounded, and the Sauruses are bogged down. Oh, dear. In desperation, or possibly blind panic, the ball carrier escapes to the right, and attempts to throw it a few paces to another Skink. Being stunty, this obviously fails; and K.O.ing the erstwhile carrier, a werewolf takes the ball and pounds his way towards the lizard touchline...
Jim: This will be a boring couple of turns for those who love touchdowns, Grunker will surely drag this out, so he will be recieving with 1-0 in the next half. But for those who love blood it'll surely be fun! Sauruses, wolves and wights knock each other over all around the pitch - and a skink with dirty player i doing its business! Finally, the wolf goes over the line, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand: TOUCHDOWN!
Bob: Neither of the Reptilians’ K.O.s gets up, so…well, looks like they start with eight players on the pitch. That should work out nicely for them.
Jim: It does seem like Nuffle has been on Grunker's side so far. Two kills, and none of Grotsnik's K.O.'s are getting up on their feet. That's 11 players fielded for Grunker, and 8 for Grotsnik. With Grunker on the recieving end. Things look grim for Grotsnik.
Bob: Looks like a werewolf’s taken the ball, passing to a wight who then hangs back behind a protective line; the lizards regroup, using the Kroxigor as a zombie sponge so the Sauruses can get clear of the irritating, decaying roadblocks. A Saurus badly hurts a zombie, but he immediately regenerates. Looks like that extra Igor the Necromantic coach bought might not be needed! Oh, and the fouling Skink, finally managing to keep a ghoul down, is immediately sent off. Seven lizard players on the field for Grotty!
Jim: The lizards pull back their ranks to defend. The mighty Kroxigor gets his eyes on a zombie - and tell you what, Bob: You do not want Kroxigor's eyes on you. The Kroxigor raises his mighty claws for the deathblow... Double skulls! Grotsnik's team spirit allows a re-roll. The coach goes for it... and Nuffle gives him another double skulls! The confused zombie watches while mighty Kroxigor goes down for a one-turn rest on the field!
Bob: As the dastardly financially-minded fiends pour further into the Lizardman half, the lizzie coach misclicks – and extraordinarily, on a re-roll, his Saurus manages to dodge out of a Flesh Golem’s waiting embrace!
Jim: Is this the first sign of Grotsnik's luck turning, perhaps?
Bob: With a little manoeuvring, the Sauruses surround the Necro cage, but are unable to punch through. Fearing for his life, ‘Yellow’ the Wight - the ball-carrier - makes a dash backwards into his own half, shifting left across the pitch, perhaps in the hope of outrunning the lizards – but at the same time, a ghoul leaps out of contact with a nearby Saurus, an overslip leaving the Reptilian crucially free.
Jim: This game has proven what we have all suspected for so long - Grunker is mentally unable to count! It was plain for everyone that that Saurus was free to blitz the ball-carrier, but Grunker's mathematical ineptitude has led him to this huge mistake - one he'll surely pay for!
Bob: The Saurus knocks the cowardly fellow down for two turns; and there’s the Reptilians’ final skink, dashing forward towards the downed ball – but he won’t make it this turn! Both teams surge back, a werewolf going for the Saurus covering the ball…but the lack of re-rolls is his doom, resulting in a ‘both down’. Skinky takes the ball!
Jim: Grunker desperately blitzes the skink - and his wight badly hurts the poor lizard! Grunker is free of his worries!
Bob: Except… crucially, a werewolf forgets to get back to his feet, leaving a Saurus clear to take down the ball carrier. He does it, and, unbelievably, laughing at the thought of even using the one-remaining re-roll, takes the ball!
Jim: Holy hell Bob!!! A Saurus is now within range of Grunker's touchdown-line, with the ball! How is he ever going to get himself out of this one? What looked like a sure win - 1-0, recieving, and 11 vs. 8 players - is now turning around fast!
Bob: There are now two Sauruses, in reach of the Necromantic touchline, with a downed ghoul, a downed werewolf, and a downed wight in pursuit.
Jim:The ghoul gets up and gets ready to Go For It... Grunker just needs a 2 and he's in the clear! But... Incredible!!! Ghoul trips!
Bob: Just as the small creature reach the Sauruses, the ghoul stumbles on a GFI! The Saurus’ running-mate takes down the Wight; the ball-carrier himself blitzing wolfie back before charging onto the touchline! TOUCHDOWN!
Jim: The last turn is a combination of a werewolf that fails to pick up the ball for a pass that would have leveled it up, as well as lizards failing to knock over anything!
Bob: Strange match, stranger result; Dead Money had it in the bag but for a fatal slip and a whole lot of luck on the Reptilians’ side. Actually reminiscent of their last meeting, when a Skink GFIed twice on the final turn, without re-rolls, in order to claim the draw.
Jim: That bit at the end sure was bad luck on Grunker's side Bob, but we musn't forget his insane good luck in the first half! Grotty's score at the end was more due to a huge mistake on Grunker's part, than luck!
Sorry for the hurry'
nice read!
