Baldur's Gate Baldur's Cringe 3 compilation thread

[Reinhardt]

Also, while being able to give your PC weird eyes, horns or a tail might have seemed cool 15 years ago, it really seems quite banal nowadays. No wonder people prefer to make their PC a normal human.

Maybe it's still a novelty to those that were too young 15 years ago. Not that I was ever tempted to play Skyrim as a lizard or a cat even the first time. As for the elves, why do they always have those silly pointed ears? It seems very overused to me.

All those conversations dweebs used to have about being an edgy drow simpy outcast pining over human booby teenage girls while cucking their human barbarian fiancee have been left in the dirt. And feeling edgy and oppressed as a drow entering a town. What aspirations they had.

But modern RPGs just leap-frogged over recognizing your character for their race and appearance, and developers just want you to be a degenerate demonic bear shagger. That's what gets recognized.

What I really want to know is (might even buy the game if this is true) is there a summon goat spell? Or a BG1 equivelant wand of polymorphing > goat?. We might want the Welsh and the Arabs to feel the inclusivity as the goaty goat shaggers of the world.

No need to summon a goat. You can always fuck a sheep in Arcanum.

The part you're leaving out is that you don't see a cinematic of it. The screen goes dark unlike ESG3...

nigga, i remember reading in bg3 thread complains that after paying for sex with twins screen just went black. so they are same picture.

 

[JamesDixon]

nigga, i remember reading in bg3 thread complains that after paying for sex with twins screen just went black. so they are same picture.

False equivalence logical fallacy when same game has bestiality that it shows.

 

[Melcar]

Clearly the best game ever.

 

[Broseph]

My brother on BG3:

I think he's spot on.

 

[Black]

Wow, your brother is cooler than you. Give him your account.

 

[Fedora Master]

nigga, i remember reading in bg3 thread complains that after paying for sex with twins screen just went black. so they are same picture.

False equivalence logical fallacy when same game has bestiality that it shows.

The entire sex/pick your dick thing was a marketing ploy by Larian because they know their audience. Same as with CP77. It's easy to implement and gets you brownie points with the usual suspects.

 

[Drakortha]

The entire sex/pick your dick thing was a marketing ploy by Larian because they know their audience. Same as with CP77. It's easy to implement and gets you brownie points with the usual suspects.

This is the thumbnail on Angryjoes Impressions video for BG3. Tells you everything you need to know about what gamers actually find appealing about this trash game.

You can't help but stop and laugh at the tards who thought this game was somehow going to be a win for turn based combat and cRPGs. Of all the "innovations" that these tards on the Codex claim BG3 has, just remember one thing; 90% of the people playing the game don't give a shit about any of it. ^THIS is what progress for video games looks like in their eyes.

 

[DeepOcean]

Man, one thing I have to say, I hate what WotC and Larian did with goblins and other bestial races, the whole purpose of shit like orcs, goblins and etc is to be the Other, the mysterious evil henchmen of the terrifying villain.

If you watched Lord of the Rings and Tolkien made the huge mistake of trying to "humanize" the orcs, the vibe would end completely different, from an epic fantasy, you would turn it into a children cartoon. Instead of worrying about the lives of the protagonists, you would be looking to the orcs and say... hey that is Uruk the blacksmith, uncle of Bodod, the catapult operator... they hang together to drink beer on the weekend, I'm so afraid.

The goblins on this are lame, they aren't funny like the Gremlins on the gremlins movies and dont remotely look like a threat either,I see the cutscene of the tieflings acting all scared on the beginning of the game and when I see the goblins... I was laughing hard, "Are they running from this?" they looked like children using toy bows.

Wyll entrace was also something that would come out of Disney, the retard pretty much announce his entrance to everyone and the globins just stand there instead of filling him of arrows. I was laughing so hard, I mean, it is clear BG 3 has a "light hearted" tone but "light hearted" doesnt mean making the villains a complete joke and make the protagonists look like stupid buffons. BG 1 started with Sarevok strangling a dude to death ffs, where is the mood on this game?

I mean, the game try to portray them as little bastards that just did a raid but they still look like 12 years old pranksters so I couldnt buy anything of that.

 

[DeepOcean]

This is the thumbnail on Angryjoes Impressions video for BG3. Tells you everything you need to know about what gamers actually find appealing about this trash game.

Youtube right now: Beep Bop, BG 3 Current thing good, beep bop, consume product, beep bop, everybody is saying it is a 10/10 game without even playing it, so it must be 10/10, beep bop. The developers are afraid... I dont know who are the "developers" and never played a cRPG but game must be 10/10, beep bop.

 

[Longes]

Man, one thing I have to say, I hate what WotC and Larian did with goblins and other bestial races, the whole purpose of shit like orcs, goblins and etc is to be the Other, the mysterious evil henchmen of the terrifying villain.

What the fuck are you even talking about.

There's nothing mysterious about goblins. There's never been anything mysterious about goblins. They are evil little shits you give wedgies to at low levels. This is the purpose of their existence. They are evil, and you kick in their door and steal everything they own with the justification that they are evil.

BG 3 Act 1 goblins are perfectly functional goblins. They are dicks to you until you give them a wedgie and show you are a bigger bully and then they kind of begrudgingly respect you. And when they are not trying to bully you they spend their time roasting Volo and torturing gnomes for fun. Top goblin.

 

[fizzelopeguss]

Man, one thing I have to say, I hate what WotC and Larian did with goblins and other bestial races, the whole purpose of shit like orcs, goblins and etc is to be the Other, the mysterious evil henchmen of the terrifying villain.

What the fuck are you even talking about.

There's nothing mysterious about goblins. There's never been anything mysterious about goblins. They are evil little shits you give wedgies to at low levels. This is the purpose of their existence. They are evil, and you kick in their door and steal everything they own with the justification that they are evil.

BG 3 Act 1 goblins are perfectly functional goblins. They are dicks to you until you give them a wedgie and show you are a bigger bully and then they kind of begrudgingly respect you. And when they are not trying to bully you they spend their time roasting Volo and torturing gnomes for fun. Top goblin.

They're vicious, spiteful, cowardly little manlet cunts in this game. Fuck knows what he's talking about.

 

[The Dutch Ghost]

Wait, that is not a joke? You really decide what pecker type your male character has, and create herms or shemales?

Shhhhh... don't worry about all that. It's the best rpg ever as long as you just kill everyone on sight, skip all dialogue and cinematics, never read anything and mostly just play with your eyes closed or maybe squinting really tight so you can make out some basic shapes / direction of movement. All the best games are like this, as I'm sure you're aware.

If I get to decide a character's dingle I expect to play a full on porn game in which the goal basically is to make my OC the triple gold medal winner at the F Olympics, not being a mostly pointless part in a fantasy snooze fest.

 

[Chippy]

Man, one thing I have to say, I hate what WotC and Larian did with goblins and other bestial races, the whole purpose of shit like orcs, goblins and etc is to be the Other, the mysterious evil henchmen of the terrifying villain.

If you watched Lord of the Rings and Tolkien made the huge mistake of trying to "humanize" the orcs, the vibe would end completely different, from an epic fantasy, you would turn it into a children cartoon. Instead of worrying about the lives of the protagonists, you would be looking to the orcs and say... hey that is Uruk the blacksmith, uncle of Bodod, the catapult operator... they hang together to drink beer on the weekend, I'm so afraid.

The goblins on this are lame, they aren't funny like the Gremlins on the gremlins movies and dont remotely look like a threat either,I see the cutscene of the tieflings acting all scared on the beginning of the game and when I see the goblins... I was laughing hard, "Are they running from this?" they looked like children using toy bows.

Wyll entrace was also something that would come out of Disney, the retard pretty much announce his entrance to everyone and the globins just stand there instead of filling him of arrows. I was laughing so hard, I mean, it is clear BG 3 has a "light hearted" tone but "light hearted" doesnt mean making the villains a complete joke and make the protagonists look like stupid buffons. BG 1 started with Sarevok strangling a dude to death ffs, where is the mood on this game?

I mean, the game try to portray them as little bastards that just did a raid but they still look like 12 years old pranksters so I couldnt buy anything of that.

Not to get all psychological but this ties in with pedophilia and grooming. I think that if they burn the classics, then it paves the way for 'the other' (unquestionable alien evil & enemies to be fought and killed) to be mysterious/alluring/funny/seductive/cool etc. Which is also the very thing priests are warned about when dealing with demons. And what they warn us about when consuming certain media.

It's ironic really that BG3 seems to represent the very thing the Catholic church was warning about decades ago. Only - they went ahead and did it with this game and no parents care.

Edit: Before anyone gets their panties in a twist I mean pure fucking evil as the other. As in enemies to all humankind. Not anything else.

 

[Chippy]

Also, while being able to give your PC weird eyes, horns or a tail might have seemed cool 15 years ago, it really seems quite banal nowadays. No wonder people prefer to make their PC a normal human.

Maybe it's still a novelty to those that were too young 15 years ago. Not that I was ever tempted to play Skyrim as a lizard or a cat even the first time. As for the elves, why do they always have those silly pointed ears? It seems very overused to me.

All those conversations dweebs used to have about being an edgy drow simpy outcast pining over human booby teenage girls while cucking their human barbarian fiancee have been left in the dirt. And feeling edgy and oppressed as a drow entering a town. What aspirations they had.

But modern RPGs just leap-frogged over recognizing your character for their race and appearance, and developers just want you to be a degenerate demonic bear shagger. That's what gets recognized.

What I really want to know is (might even buy the game if this is true) is there a summon goat spell? Or a BG1 equivelant wand of polymorphing > goat?. We might want the Welsh and the Arabs to feel the inclusivity as the goaty goat shaggers of the world.

No need to summon a goat. You can always fuck a sheep in Arcanum.

Yes - and Arcanum was funny. Tim Cain is funny, so while we're on the subject - can you tell me anything about BG3 that is as funny as the classics? Minsc in BG1, Edwin in BG2, the thieves guild master intro in F1, the gold watch in F2, the sheep encounter in Arcanum, the radio ads in Vampire: Bloodlines.

I can't think of anything in TOEE...maybe the cabin boy bit?. Probably the lowest moment that wasn't funny at all. Maybe just a bit. Anything in BG3 even at that level?. I mean; Larian are known for the comedy right?.

 

[Eisenheinrich]

Also, while being able to give your PC weird eyes, horns or a tail might have seemed cool 15 years ago, it really seems quite banal nowadays. No wonder people prefer to make their PC a normal human.

Maybe it's still a novelty to those that were too young 15 years ago. Not that I was ever tempted to play Skyrim as a lizard or a cat even the first time. As for the elves, why do they always have those silly pointed ears? It seems very overused to me.

All those conversations dweebs used to have about being an edgy drow simpy outcast pining over human booby teenage girls while cucking their human barbarian fiancee have been left in the dirt. And feeling edgy and oppressed as a drow entering a town. What aspirations they had.

But modern RPGs just leap-frogged over recognizing your character for their race and appearance, and developers just want you to be a degenerate demonic bear shagger. That's what gets recognized.

What I really want to know is (might even buy the game if this is true) is there a summon goat spell? Or a BG1 equivelant wand of polymorphing > goat?. We might want the Welsh and the Arabs to feel the inclusivity as the goaty goat shaggers of the world.

No need to summon a goat. You can always fuck a sheep in Arcanum.

Yes - and Arcanum was funny. Tim Cain is funny, so while we're on the subject - can you tell me anything about BG3 that is as funny as the classics? Minsc in BG1, Edwin in BG2, the thieves guild master intro in F1, the gold watch in F2, the sheep encounter in Arcanum, the radio ads in Vampire: Bloodlines.

I can't think of anything in TOEE...maybe the cabin boy bit?. Probably the lowest moment that wasn't funny at all. Maybe just a bit. Anything in BG3 even at that level?. I mean; Larian are known for the comedy right?.

I found several things in BG3 to be funny (like many conversation with Lae'zal, the whole Elminster talk, Astarion comments on the story as a whole). If you didn't, there is no reason to convince you otherwise because that matter is purely subjective and it would be waste of time discussing it.

 

[Sarkile]

Minsc and prostitute sheep are basically Larian humor. I'm surprised you didn't throw Lilarcor in there.

 

[The_Mask]

Minsc and prostitute sheep are basically Larian humor. I'm surprised you didn't throw Lilarcor in there.

Larian humour is being turned into a cheese wheel resembling Pac-Man, when you pass a skill check.

You know the writer is shit when they don't even know where Pac-Man comes from.

 

[Chippy]

Also, while being able to give your PC weird eyes, horns or a tail might have seemed cool 15 years ago, it really seems quite banal nowadays. No wonder people prefer to make their PC a normal human.

Maybe it's still a novelty to those that were too young 15 years ago. Not that I was ever tempted to play Skyrim as a lizard or a cat even the first time. As for the elves, why do they always have those silly pointed ears? It seems very overused to me.

All those conversations dweebs used to have about being an edgy drow simpy outcast pining over human booby teenage girls while cucking their human barbarian fiancee have been left in the dirt. And feeling edgy and oppressed as a drow entering a town. What aspirations they had.

But modern RPGs just leap-frogged over recognizing your character for their race and appearance, and developers just want you to be a degenerate demonic bear shagger. That's what gets recognized.

What I really want to know is (might even buy the game if this is true) is there a summon goat spell? Or a BG1 equivelant wand of polymorphing > goat?. We might want the Welsh and the Arabs to feel the inclusivity as the goaty goat shaggers of the world.

No need to summon a goat. You can always fuck a sheep in Arcanum.

Yes - and Arcanum was funny. Tim Cain is funny, so while we're on the subject - can you tell me anything about BG3 that is as funny as the classics? Minsc in BG1, Edwin in BG2, the thieves guild master intro in F1, the gold watch in F2, the sheep encounter in Arcanum, the radio ads in Vampire: Bloodlines.

I can't think of anything in TOEE...maybe the cabin boy bit?. Probably the lowest moment that wasn't funny at all. Maybe just a bit. Anything in BG3 even at that level?. I mean; Larian are known for the comedy right?.

I found several things in BG3 to be funny (like many conversation with Lae'zal, the whole Elminster talk, Astarion comments on the story as a whole). If you didn't, there is no reason to convince you otherwise because that matter is purely subjective and it would be waste of time discussing it.

But it's not about personal taste is it? It's about universally funny. Everyone agreed the ads in Vampire Bloodlines were pure comedy. So is there anything in Larian's repertoire that comes even close?. Since they're known for their humor.

 

[Non-Edgy Gamer]

Yes - and Arcanum was funny. Tim Cain is funny, so while we're on the subject - can you tell me anything about BG3 that is as funny as the classics?

I never found BG1 or 2 that funny.

>wow this guy at the inn has a funny accent!
>lol a porn reference
>"never 'ad rats. no, sir!"
>lol golden pantaloons!

Meh. It was better in that it wasn't degenerate bullshit that got in the way of your enjoying the game, not in that it was so much funnier because it I don't think it was.

 

[Ladonna]

MY 'OTEL'S AS CLEAN AS AN ELVEN ARSE!!!

Anyone confirmed this in BG3 yet?

 

[Tyranicon]

I'm surprised nobody pointed out that the resident codex porn dev doesn't like this game.

 

[Vic]

some things are not hehe funny but they are fucking hilarious like Volo trying to remove your tadpole

 

[Feyd Rautha]

Best narrator was Kevin Michael Richardson (Sarevok himself) in Baldur's Gate 1.
Baldur's Gate 2 and TOB also had a pretty good narrator (can't remember the name of the voice actor).

David Ogden Stiers in Icewind Dale.

The best narrator was the guy who did the Disciples 2 mission briefings:



Honourary mention for the lady who voiced the Drakan cinematic:

Warcraft 2 human narrator was better.

 

[N'wah]

So I'm going to join my first D&D campaign this weekend, I'm super stoked. My plan is to play a Human Wizard - I know, cliché, but I have a killer idea for a background. He will be a wizarding prodigy, so good at magic that he even draws the attention of Mystra herself. She teaches him how to make the most of his potential, and they embark upon a romantic, sexual relationship. They will pass many happy years together, with my Wizard enjoying the simple life in Waterdeep in his grand wizard tower, with his cat, fine wine, and many books to keep him company when his goddess girlfriend isn't around. All goes well until my Wizard, in a desperate attempt to win Mystra's love and trust for all eternity - unleashes a fragment of weave that was lost to Mystra that is capable of erasing all magic from existence.

To save the world, my Wizard absorbs this fragment temporarily. But wait! To contain it, he will have to absorb some of the magical items we will find on our campaign. He also will not be able to be killed permanently, for if he does the fragment in him will explode like an atomic bomb causing a TPK. I think this could lead to some very interesting scenarios in our campaign. Of course it'll need to be cured at some point. I've already got a story hook planned out where the famous wizard Elminster seeks our adventuring group out to help us deal with the problem. In the end my plan is for my Wizard to gain control over this fragment and become a demigod.

What do you think guys, will my DM like it?

 

[Longes]

In the party with the amnesiac most Bhaalspawn ever, amnesiac chosen of Shar, a vampire immune to regular vampire banes, and a legendary folk hero tormented warlock? I dunno, it might strain your DM's low-level adventure about saving refugees from goblins a bit.

Gale's great though. He's a mostly good guy who's power-hungry enough to be talked into shenanigans or initiate shenanigans himself. And he's charming enough to easily be the best romance character for a femTav.