All the quality journalism has got me to write a little BloodNinja-style cyberscript.
BN: wanna cyber?
HotGirl13: hmmmm, yeh, ofcourse
BN: Tonight, I am a game journalist, and you are my game.
HotGirl13: Oooh
BN: You arrive at my door escorted by the mailman. I sign the warrant and you are released into my possession. Oh yeah, the game is on.
HotGirl13: Mmmm, spin me like a disk, baby
BN: I remove your packaging slowly, iPhone in my hand to record every step. I will upload Unpacking Of video on Youtube later. I comment every step of the way.
HotGirl13: Ummm, not sure I like the way this is going.
BN: If you were a girl, I'd treat you to to a candlelight dinner of delicious doritos and sparkling MTN Dew but you're my game. My thing. As long as I don't break your EULA. The cops would break me for that. Years earlier, I'd share you with my friends and you'd eventually be discarded, sticky smudged fingertips all over your rims. But no longer. You are mine alone. I take off the last of your packaging and place you where you belong. I feel my excitement grow as you connect to the servers. Our stats will be monitored.
BN: The screen lights up and I see your logo and your intro. It's flashy and boombastic. You gyrate in my drive as the data flows in my XBOX circuits, the noises promising wild delights.
HotGirl13: Dude, I don't get your similes.
BN: Relax babe it's almost action time. I pull out my joystick and brush fingers over it. Oh yeah, you want this, don't you?
HotGirl13: Yeahhh, this is more like it! Bring it on, baby, I am ready to start!
BN: I push your start button and am greeted by a welcoming screech of your string orchestra.
BN: Baby, you're fantastic! You're the new COD! You're complex, visceral, engaging! I am having the experience of the generation! The emotional engagement is overloading me as I frenetically squeeze my joystick. Suddenly, I feel our Citizen Kane moment approaching. 9.5/10, best game ever, zero replayability. I remove you from my disk drive and delete the saves. You drop into my trash bucket, and some bum will later dig you out and use you to his delight. I post the review.
BN has disconnected.
HotGirl13: Wtf.