The writing in this game is average

[Naveen]

I was going to write this on the White March thread, but I've seen this one is about writing. Now, I don't own the game (neither the original nor the expansion) and I'll wait for a huge sale, but I was checking the expansion on gog.com and saw this screenshot on its store page (not really spoiler, I guess)

Spoiler

I'm not saying it's wrong, and perhaps I'm nitpicking, but that's some odd and wordy writing. Is it usually like this?

 

[Azrael the cat]

How did you know I was a fag? Can you smell it? Is it time for you to feast?

I'll pay my white knight dues for the next 12 months by being the one who explains this to you. Nearly everyone here at the Codex is a fag of some description. Storyfags, combat-fags, isometric-fags, blobber-fags, jrpg-fags...anything where someone can accuse you of having an obsessive fanship of something, even if that accusation is totally unjust and in contradiction with other simultaneous allegations of faggotry, that makes you a fag. Not to be confused with 'gay'. We're all gay here for Chris Avellone, but only fans of PS:T and KoTOR2 are Avellone-fags.

The only way of not being a fag of some kind here, is not to like crpgs, or anything else in the world. That applies to most of the General Discussion community. Otherwise, if someone mocks you, the best course of action is to repeatedly complain to the moderators, and failing that, Dark Underlord. That way they can show up and join in the mockery for our amusement.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

I joined as soon as I saw the site. I am happy that I did.

I hate you already.

Welcome!

 

[Sensuki]

Is it usually like this?

Yes.

 

[Angthoron]

I was going to write this on the White March thread, but I've seen this one is about writing. Now, I don't own the game (neither the original nor the expansion) and I'll wait for a huge sale, but I was checking the expansion on gog.com and saw this screenshot on its store page (not really spoiler, I guess)

Spoiler

I'm not saying it's wrong, and perhaps I'm nitpicking, but that's some odd and wordy writing. Is it usually like this?

It is stylistically bad, at the very least. Barrel repeated twice, sentence describing a bursting action is too long, and generally the sentence isn't "tight" enough.

 

[Jarpie]

It is stylistically bad, at the very least. Barrel repeated twice, sentence describing a bursting action is too long, and generally the sentence isn't "tight" enough.

Sloppy writing tends to be due that either they don't care enough to do more than one/two passes, and/or that they don't have time, doesn't exatly instill me with confidence.

 

[Angthoron]

Sloppy writing tends to be due that either they don't care enough to do more than one/two passes, and/or that they don't have time, doesn't exatly instill me with confidence.

Or that they don't have an editor familiar with stylistic variation, which is also alarming.

 

[Jasede]

I just want you guys to read that sentence, then realize it's one sentence. One woefully long sentence which buries all the surprise it's meant to portray in words. And they call G.R.R. Martin a bad writer, but he really isn't, he understands that you write quick, sudden actions in short, snappy sentences. (Though he is guilty of not being too creative, what with "rashers of bacon", "trencher", "words are wind", "x of y" and "breaking fast" amounting to 20% of his novels.)

 

[Angthoron]

I just want you guys to read that sentence, then realize it's one sentence. One woefully long sentence which buries all the surprise it's meant to portray in words. And they call G.R.R. Martin a bad writer, but he really isn't, he understands that you write quick, sudden actions in short, snappy sentences. (Though he is guilty of not being too creative, what with "rashers of bacon", "trencher", "words are wind", "x of y" and "breaking fast" amounting to 20% of his novels.)

What are you talking about, it's a perfectly adequate sentence that isn't too long, honestly, people these days are too badly affected by ADD and modern distractions and conveniences - the sentence isn't even taking half a page of an A4 sheet and yet they complain, too verbose, they say, while praising Planescape: Torment writing that is easily ten times lengthier in even the shortest dialogue, how do you people fall asleep at night with such double standards is way beyond me, I've never known bigger whiners to whine about such unimportant things than you lot, give the writers some slack, they tried to evoke the feeling of nostalgia, you dolts, they tried to do the very thing you wanted them to do, the thing you paid money for, the head in the barrel had a hand on either side, bursting with fish and people, why can't you appreciate this callback to older days, what's next, are you going to complain about the lack of facial animations and physics and parkour?

 

[Copper]

Yeah, when it comes to actually putting together sentences of prose, the Shadowrun writing team are far better at writing for the medium. I'm never a good judge of dialogue, so there's not much I can say there, othere than they're both far better than BGII, for example.

I've though before that PoE's like someone trying to aim for an Erickson style, but not really getting it.

Other flaws in this case are that it's entirely visual, with no use of text to describe the texture or smell of the fish, for instance. There's a picture right there, showing the action - why describe it badly as well?

 

[Naveen]

I don't know about the others, Angthoron, but my problem is not length per se, it's unnecessary wording that doesn't add information. It's something I quickly see because I wrote like that, years ago... when my writing sucked (more). Compare the original to:

"You try to pick up the head, but as you start pulling a sudden and smelly eruption of fish chunks hits you in the face as the head's owner leaps out of the barrel." Or something similar, I don't know, English isn't even my first language.

It's also one sentence but almost half the length, I don't think any important information is lost (that it's raining fish?), it's easier to visualize as a sequence, and you get two new logical bits of information: the fish is smelly and it hits you in your ugly face. The jumper now looks even cooler and, if you draw the sun behind him, almost heroic.

It's not the end of the world, I know, and I can live with that, but as a person who reads very visually, the original was painful to me.

 

[Necroscope]

PoE has the most pretentious and tiring to read writing I have ever witnessed in a video game. It's stretched to great lengths and overstuffed with difficult words, yet dull and unvarying. It fails to capture any tension or fit into the context of discussion; you start dialogue with a hobo and suddenly it's like reading an article about existentialism.

Ziets, on the other hand, is one hell of a writer. He can go sophisticated without overdoing it, maintain natural tone of conversation and even smuggle a joke or two. It's a pleasure to read him and you get the feeling he also enjoyed what he was doing.

 

[Harg Harfardarssen]

I just want you guys to read that sentence, then realize it's one sentence. One woefully long sentence which buries all the surprise it's meant to portray in words. And they call G.R.R. Martin a bad writer, but he really isn't, he understands that you write quick, sudden actions in short, snappy sentences. (Though he is guilty of not being too creative, what with "rashers of bacon", "trencher", "words are wind", "x of y" and "breaking fast" amounting to 20% of his novels.)

Don't forget how he can't go ten pages without describing grease dripping down someone's chin. I think GRRM must be a huge slob.

 

[Jasede]

Well, fucking look at him!

 

[Harg Harfardarssen]

Oh he's definitely a fatass, but some fatasses know how to use napkins. Just not him.

 

[LizardWizard]

I just want you guys to read that sentence, then realize it's one sentence. One woefully long sentence which buries all the surprise it's meant to portray in words. And they call G.R.R. Martin a bad writer, but he really isn't, he understands that you write quick, sudden actions in short, snappy sentences. (Though he is guilty of not being too creative, what with "rashers of bacon", "trencher", "words are wind", "x of y" and "breaking fast" amounting to 20% of his novels.)

You forgot 'lemon cake' and 'rape'

 

[Jasede]

We could go on forever, really. You think I'm japing but this is more than a mummer's farce, a lot of his phrases are like nipples on a breastplate. Honestly, it's probably his age - after many years of leal service he probably makes water in his smallclothes now.

Can I get a Hugo now

 

[Irenaeus III]

Writing in this game is great, learn to read again. OP is retarded.

Great post.

 

[hivemind]

you won't get that 1000 before 100 this way friendo