Hello,
A few months ago I came to you with the statement that it was "Do or die", "put up or shut up". Today i'm here to announce that it'll be the latter. Effective immediately i'll be retiring as a professional player.
it's hard to find the right words to describe the current situation, but i'll try to do my best. League of legends is the best thing that ever happened to me. I've had a pretty awesome career looking back. The only regrets I have is not trying a little harder, putting in a little more effort here & there, mostly season 3, and handling certain situations slightly different. I'm an emotional person, as much as I try not to be, and those emotions sometimes get the best of me. Then again, I've learned a lot in these years and have become a completely different person than I was 3-4 years ago when this was all set in motion. I hope changed for the better.
I've enjoyed being a player on the stage so much. It's the best feeling in the world, going on stage and have the crowd react, even cheer your name. Especially this split after being "out" for a while. To the LCS Berlin crowd, thank you so much, you have no idea how much it meant to me to hear you shout my name one more time. At least now I feel, i've had a chance to say goodbye. Even though I still played my last match without knowing it was the last, but at least somewhere I knew it could've been.
But all good things come to an end. Lately I found myself having a little less fun with the game. Looking back i'm having a hard time finding 3 consecutive days where i've been truely happy in the last few months. Hell, i've been getting salty and even a tad toxic in soloqueue as of late. Most of it stemming from the fact that I care a lot about winning & playing the game correctly, but I think i've gone too far in that mindset sometimes. I've always said the moment playing this game stops being fun and feels like a grind, i'll retire. And i think that moment has finally come.
I've always wanted to be recognized as a great player. I think I truely can be (or could've been), or perhaps even am, in some ways. This year I somehow wanted to prove it to myself & the community. I take solace in the fact that a lot of my peers who i respect a lot (think of Rekkles, tabzz, forgiven, kasing & more) have all told me they thought i was a good player. And that honestly is enough. Looking at my track record it's obvious I will never be able to achieve what I did in season 2 ever again, and that's alright. I'll treasure the memories and work on what's next instead.
Over time i've learned i not only enjoyed playing the game, but also commentating and analyzing it for the viewers. I have a lot to learn to follow in the footsteps of some of the great casters currently present, but it's something I want to pursue.
It's pretty daunting to realize that i'll never play a competitive league of legends match ever again, but i just have to look at it positively, starting another chapter in the story that's my life.
There's a lot of people I owe gratitude to for supporting me along the way, i'm truely grateful for your help/advice/comeradery. I'd make a list but there's too many. You know who you are.
Last i'd like to apologize to all fans that would've wanted me to play in this summer split & to Elements for not riding it out with them or being the change to get the team back on track. I wish them the best of luck and hope they make it to worlds.
Thanks for reading, krepo out.
