Crispy™ Let's eat bugs and die horribly in Conan Exiles (Naked Pict Woman Alert)

[Filthy Sauce]

Going to do a casual LP Conan Exiles. There is no main plot to this game- It's just an open world sandbox game combining RPG, survival and crafting elements. No real ending to be had. Will quit when I rage... Or when Imgur nukes my account for breaking TOS. I'm Playing single player. Spelling and grammer mistakes all around. Lots of boobies too.


PART 1: INTRO
PART 2: THE BROKEN HIGHWAY
PART 3: THE SHATTERED BRIDGE
PART 4: THE GHOSTLY CARAVAN
PART 5: THE CALM BEFORE THE BUTTHURT
PART 6: I GOT BIG BOOBS AND A TINY CROC
PART 7: ESCAPING THE HORRORS
PART 8: RESTING IN THE SHADOW OF THE UNKOWN
PART 9: THE HILLS HAVE EYES
PART 10: SANDBLASTED COOTCHIE
PART 11: PREPPING FOR THE LAMEST ADVENTURE
PART 12: TO "GREENER' PASTURES
PART 13: HOW DO I GET BARK OFF A TREE?
PART 14: HEART OF DARKNESS
PART 15: KATERINA OF THE WILD SEAS

Spoiler

There are a lot of races in this game, and I don't know enough about Conan lore to go over all of them. I'll choose a savage Pict. I think they where Conan's main enemies?

You can also select a religion. I only know of Crom, but it doesn't seem fitting for a Pict. I'll take Yog- Warlike and cannibalistic.

Chitza, the Exiled Pict. The final character sheet. Your 'crimes' are randomly generated with goofy shit and play no impact of the game.

We start crucified in the middle of a desert... Guess we should have never pee'd in the towns well.

Uhg… Fading fast... Wait! Who's that?!

Is that... CONAN?! Has he come to save us?!

Conan doesn't like us and gives us a monologue

He tells us that we are a weak loser, doomed to die in this forsaken land.

Don't leave us Conan!

Conan takes pity...

… Or maybe he just wanted an excuse for a closer look.

Free at last! Conan explains, even though we are enemies, nobody deserves to die like this.

He lends us his waterskin. The water is so good, it knocks our eyelashes right off our lids.

CONAN: "I said.... A SIP!"

Conan tells us something about a bracelet we are wearing, a curse, a ghost fence, and some other stuff I don't understand. It's all just jumbo explaining that if we leave the map boundary, we will die instantly.

He gives us a second chance at life....

...Then leaves us to die. What a great man.

A sandstorm blasts over the dunes, heading in our direction. CONAN!!! HHAAAAALLLP!!

OOHH SHIT

We got to get out of here!

This is the end... If only I could have one last sip of Conan's water.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 2: BROKEN HIGHWAY

Spoiler

We awaken at a desolate place called The Broken Highway.' Desert is in all directions with no signs of life.

This place is the shits. Where do I go?

What's this? A waterskin and a note. Did Conan leave this here?

It seems to be a suicide note from a past Exile- Wasn't up to the challenge of living in the forsaken land and willing walked through the ghost fence. This is not a good sign. Well... At least he left us his water. RIP soldier.

Damn... Hope whoever did this, is long past.

By Crom… eer.. I mean Yog… It doesn't end.

Well shit... The despair is setting in. Been out here all day, following this broken road- Water is running low too. Would kill for a fat & juicy sand grub.

We hear a noise up the road...

Uh oh... A strange bat creature is feasting on a carcass. It screams at us, then flies off into the desert haze.

A mutilated dead dude and a journal. Sadly, we can't do anything with the body.

Assuming its another Exile... Can't really tell. Seems his entire squad as wiped out by the beast. Hopefully it doesn't return.

Out of water now... Starting to starve

What's that in the distance?!

THOSE ARE TREES! Please let there be food and water here. My levels are getting critical.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 3: THE SHATTERED BRIDGE

Spoiler

Thank Yog! A river! Can almost taste the Croc piss infused waters.

Wait... What's that white thing down there? I almost looks like....

EGGS! We found a new home for sure!

….Or not. As I grab the eggs, a lesbian couple crash out of the woodworks and proceed to kick my naked almond skinned ass.

Please, Ladies! I will share the eggs!

AAAWW SHIT

AAHH! Dumb bitches wont leave me alone. Time to skedaddle the fuck outta here.

They literally chase me up a cliff. Can't catch me now, sluts.

They finally give up. I eat my eggs as I observe them wandering out into the desert. Hopefully they die of starvation.

Quick review of the character build options. Pretty standard RPG stuff. Gain XP, get points to spend. You get XP by killing foes, exploring locations, finding lore, and crafting.
-Strength increases Melee damage
-Agility effects your characters performance while wearing armor. Its sort of like Dark Souls 2 Agility stat.
-Vitality is health
-Accuracy increases bow damage
-Grit is stamina
-Encumbrance is how much you can carry
-Survival has to do with water and food consumption, and the bonuses you can get from consuming them
You also get special traits when you hit 'milestones' in any of the stats.

Every level, you also gain knowledge points to spent. These unlock crafting options. These recipes are sort of locked behind level requirements, so you cant go completely off the rails and craft mega swords of death at level 1.

You can climb any surface... But it drains stamina quickly. If you run out, you are fucked and will fall to your death. If you got some stamina in reserve, you can grab and 'slide down' surfaces to get down quickly or save yourself from a fall. How this doesn't rip off your fingers or toes is a mystery.

This area right by the cliff is a good place to start a small base of operations. Time to get to it.

We got no tools, so we resort to picking plants, small rocks, and sticks.

As we collect trash off the ground, we hear a strange grunting noise on the cliff we were just at. Some fat ugly dude is spying on us. Hopefully he will stay up there.

Made a bedroll. They act as spawn points. If we died without placing one, we would end all the way back at the Broken Highway.

Made a campfire. We need to find some real food to cook. Those eggs sucked.

Crafted some basic tools. Hunted some small game, and found some bugs. Food is sort of stable, but still a concern.

Got to take a risk and go into the jungle for better resources.

Seems quiet enough... Wait... I see something...

Theres something in the grass...

A fat and juicy grub! Our prayers have been answered!

The first day is complete. We head back to our small camp. Below, down by the river, we see the camp where those lesbo bitches came from... Tonight we make some stone weapons and possibly some clothes... Then we strike.

Dumb fuckers... They think they have a better camp than me? Well... I'll show em… I'll show em GOOD.

 

[lightbane]

I wasn't aware that imgur allowed such risque images. I'll keep an eye on this LP for... Research.

 

[baud]

 

[abnaxus]

Looks like one of those RK47 Skyrim Loverslab LPs.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

I wasn't aware that imgur allowed such risque images.

Not sure if they do either. I read the ToS even before I started the LP, as I was wondering the same thing, but It's not really clear. This could end up being a short LP. Ive heard theres some leniency as long as its not pornographic, and the image/album is set to non-published/hidden mode so it doesn't pop up in imgur's public galleries. It's all rumors though- Could be fucked.

It's sadly the end of the nudity though as we are wearing clothes in the next update... You're only going to see butt after deaths, as you drop all your stuff on defeat and respawn naked. There will be corpse runs for sure.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 4: THE GHOSTLY CARAVAN

Spoiler

A new day, a new milestone: CLOTHES. Suddenly viewership of the LP tanks.

Time to make some weapons. Stone weapons are our only option at this point.

Yeah! Some stone daggers. Time to raid that Exile camp!

The camp has different goons than last time.... Including a Zamorian Dancer. His name fits his fighting style, as he jumps around doing back flips and acrobatics.

These duo are annoying. The fighter is always in my face, while the dancer keeps leaping in, taking pot shots then jumping out as I try to retaliate.

I can do the same thing. My daggers can cause a bleed effect, which greatly helps in the fight.

A few things about combat:

Your weapons- You need to remain on top and have the 'highest tier' weapon you can at the time. As you pull further away from the 'newb zone' enemies AC and health become drastically higher. Stone weapons will literally do 0-1 points of damage per hit to higher level foes.

Stamina- Every time you attack, roll, block, sprint, and climb, it drains stamina. There's always a delay before it starts regen. If you drain it to zero, you are screwed big time. Not only is there a massive regen delay penalty, but you have to wait for your stamina bar to fill back to 100% before you can do anything and your stuck in a slow walk. If you are being chased by fast moving foes, your dead. Starting levels are brutal as you have a low pool to draw from.

Armor and HP are nice, but in pure Dark Souls fashion, its best to dodge or block attacks.

For armor, there's Light, Medium, and Heavy. To effectively use med or heavy armor, you really need to have an appropriate character build.

Your dancing sucks, buddy. We gut him and his friend. There's at least 1 more goonie down by the river. I return to my own camp to heal up and craft a spear. Need something with a bit more reach.

Enemies usually have loot. Sadly, they only got sticks and pebbles... So we butcher them for skin and meat. Don't criticize me-I'm a follower of Yog- It's part of my religion.

I see you... And I'm gonna taste you.

A stunning leap attack hits the guy so hard, his polygons enter the void.

Aaaww shit... Exile camp cleared and no treasure chest to be found.

Going to make a few more backup spears... You can chuck them at enemies, and getting the weapon back is sort of a crap shoot.

To heal in this game, you need to eat food... even if your not hungry. It's a slow process too. To get my health back to full, I have to eat most of my supplies. We spend some time hunting small game to get our stocks back up.

Enough with this boring survival stuff. I want to check out the Shattered Bridge we are camped under. We'll check out this side first, but then we'll have to cross the river to see if it leads anywhere. Don't think we can get to the middle fragments- might be able to climb them, but I'm pretty sure I'd run out stamina and fall to my death.

A risky climb up the cliff face. Hopefully that fat pervert from earlier isn't still up here.

Oops... There he is. The ugly piece of shit... We'll come back for you.

We make it to the bridge surface and find a ghostly caravan crossing.... What's going on? Let's follow them.

As the caravan makes it to the broken section, they keep on walking- a glowing platform appears under their feet. Is this an echo from the past? I have a feeling it would be a bad idea to try to walk on that. We watch as they cross to the other side, and they, along with the glowing platform evaporate into a mist.

Nothing up here but a good view. Maybe there's something by the bridge entrance?

There indeed is. Its the specters again, prepping for the crossing. The glowing pillar speaks to us... It seems to be from the original lords (or gods?) from this land. The entity mentions helping the exiles, only to be betrayed, thus all exiles were cursed and trapped here to die. Does he mean me? How long ago was this? Don't know.

Just a little ways away, more ghosts. Where they also part of the caravan? Nothing else here but an old journal.

Sounds like the caravan was made up of Exiles from along time ago.... Or at least when the bridge was intact. They write about food shortage, missing home, and heading north across the bridge.

We definitely need to check out the other side now. Maybe we can follow their footsteps... Of course, depending of their fate, that could also be a bad idea.... But first things first....​

Let's beat the shit out of the peeping tom. Getting tired of his grunting and gasping.

Time to leave this place and never return. Going to head north and cross the river. Hope there aint no GOD DAMN CROCS.​

​

 

[zaper]

I have this on both PS4 and PC due to monthly subscriptions but I can't find a server with less than 180 ping to play in.

 

[laclongquan]

Clothes is a mistake.

 

[True Ukrainian]

LOL Conan was literally eyeballing the PC's nipples.

 

[Commissar Draco]

Imgur is Lenient towards nudity as long as you keep your gallery hidden and set as private, Loled at brown skinned pict though they are most white ass people on earth and with her skin tone she should be either Hyperborea Villeyan or Kushite maybe Stygian, nice body though so who cares. Would make her loincloth and something to tie her breast though or she will going to look like all those African ladies from tribes who walk naked. Those clothes looks too bit sofisticated for something living on desert though unless she found them.

 

[lightbane]

. You're only going to see butt after deaths, as you drop all your stuff on defeat and respawn naked. There will be corpse runs for sure.

Sounds like the game should have a gangrape mechanic to do against freshly defeated players, but I doubt it will be a thing.

ALso, Derp Souls stamina meter?

Gotta agree Chitza has some elite tailor-dressing skills, considering she made an outfit too elaborate from what she had available. Also, isn't it easier to fight in melee in 1st person mode? How buggy is the game at this time? Besides that funny bug you showed us, I mean.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

Gotta agree Chitza has some elite tailor-dressing skills, considering she made an outfit too elaborate from what she had available. Also, isn't it easier to fight in melee in 1st person mode? How buggy is the game at this time? Besides that funny bug you showed us, I mean.

I checked out a YT video showcasing all the armor. Unfortunately, most outfits in this game look really out of place. I don't know enough to say if they are Conan lore friendly, but for the situation the game puts you in, it looks stupid. Most look like they were ripped out of skyrim. There are some interesting cultists and religious sets... Especially for the.... Female figure.

I stay in 3rd person in combat because there's a lot of movement from both myself and the enemies, and fights can sort of spill out over a large area. You'll see multiple screens of a single battle, but it will look like I'm in a completely different location in every shot. I haven't really showed it, but I'm rolling around A LOT. You can easily get ganked and stunlocked by multiple foes, or a single power attack from a dude with an axe can take 1/4 of your health.

I have about 8 hours into this game and haven't seen any real bugs.... Just sloppyness. I just got this game last week, so i can't make comparessons to its previous states.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 5: THE CALM BEFORE THE BUTTHURT

Spoiler

Time to get across the river. On the shore, it looks like more Exile punks have arrived at the camp.

Weapons have 3 attacks. Theres a basic, a heavy, and a special. The special depends on the weapon. With the daggers, I can perform a back flip.

A master strike cuts this dude in half at the torso.

Yeah, guys. I think he died.

We start crossing the river, staying under the bridge fragments. The water is mostly shallow, and small pockets of land dot the area so we don't have to swim.

On one of the islands, we get ambushed by a Cleaver wielding maniac, with the added fun of an archer pelting us from the shrubberies. I get sliced, diced, skewered, and almost dead. Time to run away like a bitch.

We do end up having to swim a bit at the end, but we make it to the other side.... Critically wounded, but still alive.

Swimming drains stamina and I'm not sure what happens when you run out. Not going to try it either. The idea of doing a corpse run underwater triggers my PTSD. I got if from playing Everquest as a kid.

We plop our soggy ass down on the shore line, right at the base of the bridge's end. Just up the cliff behind us, we should be able to access the exit ramp. First, we eat 200 bugs and spend a day resting to get our health back up... All while feeling sorry for our self. Maybe we should set up a temp base here... Might be time to make some decent equipment...

Fuck it, lets do it. This very area will do the trick. Get the hell outta my way, rocks.

A basic 2x2 hut- made from rocks and wood. There's a 'Shelter' system in this game which protects you from the elements... Like sandstorms, which can kill you. Chitza is my second character -My first character I raged quit because I didn't know about the mechanic and died a million miles away from my spawn point. You can find partial shelter in the natural environment by hugging cliff faces and outcrops, but only interiors like structures and caves will give you full protection.

Anyway, I also set up a bedroll/spawn point here. This auto-destroys my old bedroll on the other side of the river.

A majestic turtle creature outside my hut. I kill it and eat its shanks.

Time to complete our investigation of the shattered bridge, and the mysteries of the ghostly caravan. I decide to take a longer way up, finding a safe path. Don't feel like falling down cliffs today.

Almost there. We stop and take a look at the distance we have covered so far in our journey. 58 close calls, but NO DEATHS YET. How much longer can this last?

Not even at the top of the bridge yet, and we find the caravan, sheltered underneath. What does the journal tell us?

Oh no... They mention.... A CROC ATTACK. They survived... only to continue north with plans investigate the black walls of a ruined city.

They went to a RUINED CITY?!?! Well... I would like to look further into this, you know… but well... I just don't have the time... And... Uh.... They probably died. So, like, RIP.

Found a few iron nodes up here. Iron is the next step above stone weapons. We need A LOT MORE though.

Well... So much for checking out the rest of the bridge.

Right behind us is another speaking obelisk. Whatever forces created these things appear to be responsible for the destruction of the bridge, as to keep the exiles out of these lands.

While up here, we take a gander around and find signs of life. Only see one guy in there.

It's a follower of Yog! He talks great lengths about eating flower buds. He can teach us a new emote and normally the Yog religion, but we already know that one.

He told us to look into the pit. I looked into the pit. Saw nothing but the worst fire effects known to man. This Yog religion is deep... Not sure If I'll ever understand it.

Not sure where I'm going to go next. I have the knowledge to make some hide armor and iron weapons. Need at least a few upgrades before I travel to more dangerous territories. Iron weapons are out of the question. Need a blacksmith bench for that... and one of the materials required for construction is iron ingots.... 75 of them. We can do an Armors bench. Build from good old fashion wood and stone. Also already got a nice stack of hides. Let's get to work.

Built a storage box. Encumbrance is a huge problem in this game.

Just a little west-bound from our hut is a turtle breeding ground. They are hostile here compared to the wandering individuals. It's risky, but I can get good meat and hides.

In the search for more materials, we head back up the cliff face, near the Yog Shaman. There's a cave in the distance and I see a ton of these fat bastards walking around. I'm too wounded from the turtle fight to continue... But we will be back.

Another day another ingot. I wont be able to make a blacksmith bench anytime soon, but melting the iron down will save on inventory space when we pack up and move from this place.

Outside of a thug getting cut in half, A fairly peaceful entry I must say... To bad it doesn't last. Next update is the most bloodiest yet with a massive body count. It also involves... GOD DAMN CROCS.

 

[Owlish]

PART 5: THE CALM BEFORE THE BUTTHURT

Spoiler

Time to get across the river. On the shore, it looks like more Exile punks have arrived at the camp.

Weapons have 3 attacks. Theres a basic, a heavy, and a special. The special depends on the weapon. With the daggers, I can perform a back flip.

A master strike cuts this dude in half at the torso.

Yeah, guys. I think he died.

We start crossing the river, staying under the bridge fragments. The water is mostly shallow, and small pockets of land dot the area so we don't have to swim.

On one of the islands, we get ambushed by a Cleaver wielding maniac, with the added fun of an archer pelting us from the shrubberies. I get sliced, diced, skewered, and almost dead. Time to run away like a bitch.

We do end up having to swim a bit at the end, but we make it to the other side.... Critically wounded, but still alive.

Swimming drains stamina and I'm not sure what happens when you run out. Not going to try it either. The idea of doing a corpse run underwater triggers my PTSD. I got if from playing Everquest as a kid.

We plop our soggy ass down on the shore line, right at the base of the bridge's end. Just up the cliff behind us, we should be able to access the exit ramp. First, we eat 200 bugs and spend a day resting to get our health back up... All while feeling sorry for our self. Maybe we should set up a temp base here... Might be time to make some decent equipment...

Fuck it, lets do it. This very area will do the trick. Get the hell outta my way, rocks.

A basic 2x2 hut- made from rocks and wood. There's a 'Shelter' system in this game which protects you from the elements... Like sandstorms, which can kill you. Chitza is my second character -My first character I raged quit because I didn't know about the mechanic and died a million miles away from my spawn point. You can find partial shelter in the natural environment by hugging cliff faces and outcrops, but only interiors like structures and caves will give you full protection.

Anyway, I also set up a bedroll/spawn point here. This auto-destroys my old bedroll on the other side of the river.

A majestic turtle creature outside my hut. I kill it and eat its shanks.

Time to complete our investigation of the shattered bridge, and the mysteries of the ghostly caravan. I decide to take a longer way up, finding a safe path. Don't feel like falling down cliffs today.

Almost there. We stop and take a look at the distance we have covered so far in our journey. 58 close calls, but NO DEATHS YET. How much longer can this last?

Not even at the top of the bridge yet, and we find the caravan, sheltered underneath. What does the journal tell us?

Oh no... They mention.... A CROC ATTACK. They survived... only to continue north with plans investigate the black walls of a ruined city.

They went to a RUINED CITY?!?! Well... I would like to look further into this, you know… but well... I just don't have the time... And... Uh.... They probably died. So, like, RIP.

Found a few iron nodes up here. Iron is the next step above stone weapons. We need A LOT MORE though.

Well... So much for checking out the rest of the bridge.

Right behind us is another speaking obelisk. Whatever forces created these things appear to be responsible for the destruction of the bridge, as to keep the exiles out of these lands.

While up here, we take a gander around and find signs of life. Only see one guy in there.

It's a follower of Yog! He talks great lengths about eating flower buds. He can teach us a new emote and normally the Yog religion, but we already know that one.

He told us to look into the pit. I looked into the pit. Saw nothing but the worst fire effects known to man. This Yog religion is deep... Not sure If I'll ever understand it.

Not sure where I'm going to go next. I have the knowledge to make some hide armor and iron weapons. Need at least a few upgrades before I travel to more dangerous territories. Iron weapons are out of the question. Need a blacksmith bench for that... and one of the materials required for construction is iron ingots.... 75 of them. We can do an Armors bench. Build from good old fashion wood and stone. Also already got a nice stack of hides. Let's get to work.

Built a storage box. Encumbrance is a huge problem in this game.

Just a little west-bound from our hut is a turtle breeding ground. They are hostile here compared to the wandering individuals. It's risky, but I can get good meat and hides.

In the search for more materials, we head back up the cliff face, near the Yog Shaman. There's a cave in the distance and I see a ton of these fat bastards walking around. I'm too wounded from the turtle fight to continue... But we will be back.

Another day another ingot. I wont be able to make a blacksmith bench anytime soon, but melting the iron down will save on inventory space when we pack up and move from this place.

Outside of a thug getting cut in half, A fairly peaceful entry I must say... To bad it doesn't last. Next update is the most bloodiest yet with a massive body count. It also involves... GOD DAMN CROCS.

Playing as a woman. Tranny spotted.

 

[True Ukrainian]

Is there any actual plot in this game or are you just wandering about trying to survive? I thought it was an MMO? Don't see any other players in your game.

 

[lightbane]

I checked out a YT video showcasing all the armor. Unfortunately, most outfits in this game look really out of place. I don't know enough to say if they are Conan lore friendly, but for the situation the game puts you in, it looks stupid. Most look like they were ripped out of skyrim. There are some interesting cultists and religious sets... Especially for the.... Female figure.

They look silly, especially because it would be way easier to simply loot and repurpose the fallen enemies' armors, but either a bug impeded you, or their suits are glued to the their models, which is a lazy move to balance stuff.
Fun fact: Conan, contrary to popular opinion, is NOT adverse to wearing armor and did so multiple times.

I have about 8 hours into this game and haven't seen any real bugs.... Just sloppyness

They luckily patched the worst stuff out.

Playing as a woman. Tranny spotted.

You mean the player character, or the player?

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 6: I GOT BIG BOOBS AND A TINY CROC

Spoiler

Armor bench built, and construction of hide armor has begun. Have only enough resources for one piece, but I'm sure we'll find some nice human skins somewhere. Lets head east along the shoreline and see what we can see.

Just a short jog from our hut, we find another exile camp... and all hell is breaking loose. Turtles, crocs, and exiles are all beating the shit out of each other. Let's... uh... Stay back and see who wins...

A single croc survives the fray. I thought I had a good distance, but it does this insane leap attack that knocks me down, does tons of damage, and causes a bleed effect. I'm wounded.... but so is the croc... Who will prevail?

YYYEEAAAHH! Fuck you asshole!

I'm almost dead, but the discovery of the treasure chest at the camp numbs the pain. Only item of interest is a glass globe filled with oil. Not sure what its used for. Maybe I can throw it? Will test it out later.

Let's continue east. It looks like there's another turtle breeding ground over there. Those things provide lots of hides so perhaps we can obtain enough to complete our armor set.

These things can hit hard, but their slow attacks can easily be dodged.

I stab this one in the face...

… And I stab this one in the dick. Victory is mine... Let's get back home and work on that armor.

WTF? Who's that on the ridge? On my way back, I find that the exile camp has already respawned. Was I really gone for that long? The squeals of bitches dying fill the air. I'm not a coward.... but I wouldn't set up camp where crocs dominate.

What a god damn mess. From now on, I'm calling this place 'Croc Camp.' We wait till everything settles down and manage to sneak in, undetected by the crocs.

Found a note on one of the Exiles. Just a blacksmith confessing to his past crimes and finding a new meaning and acceptance in this forsaken land. The last line reads "Knowledge is strength. That is the lesson." Yes... If you know Crocs infest the area... maybe you shouldn't camp there. RIP you dumb shit.

New 'armor' set is coming along. With the added protection, I think it's time to scout out the cave of fat goblins we discovered last update.

Even before we enter the cave, they swarm out in a rage. What are they protecting?

By Crom….

The battle spills back out to the surface. These guys are pretty easy... But in large groups.... Well... Not so much.

We shank the last guy in the gut... Feels good.

They all died. We chop up the bodies for meat and enough hides to complete our set. Should have came here first.

You know... Playing with the HUD off runs with a risk... You never know how low your stamina is.... Or how close you are to death. That last battle almost killed me. Think I was only 1 hit away from death. I would like to continue down, but I have no choice but to retreat.

We return home to heal up and cook the tasty mutie flesh. Don't have time to craft the remaining armor. Need to get back into the cave before the respawns.

We head back down and kill the remaining goonies and get to the final chamber.... and there's nothing down here. What BS! We can mine the crystals down here, but since I don't know what they are used for I leave them for now. At least was got a ton of hides from these guys.

Armor set almost done. For some reason, I never took a screencap to showcase it. And for some reason, I decide to check out Croc camp again to see if the treasure chest respawned.

A harrowing escape... We recall the final words from the dumb & dead Blacksmith's note we found earlier- "Knowledge is strength. That is the lesson." Well... We know there are crocs over there...……… but...... There's also a TREASURE CHEST...….

GOD DAMN CROCS!!!!!

 

[lightbane]

Looks like you were outsmarted by the crocodiles.

You know... Playing with the HUD off runs with a risk... You never know how low your stamina is.... Or how close you are to death. That last battle almost killed me. Think I was only 1 hit away from death. I would like to continue down, but...

Not so if that retarded "your face is bleeding!" effect tells you so. I hate that mechanic that has stuck around for nearly a decade or so.

 

[laclongquan]

You should have kept it naked and count how many times that nekkid get you killed. Would make great LP.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 7: ESCAPING THE HORRORS

Spoiler

Okay... I admit greed got the best of me, and I payed for it. All my stuff is now in the middle of a croc nest. The stone weapons and tools I don't care about, but I want that armor back. I spent a decent amount of time making it.

I spend the afternoon harassing the crocs and splitting them up- pulling them way from the camp, then losing them. Had a few close calls and was tedious work, but it got the job done. I will talk more of the agro system in this game later. It's a fucking nightmare and I got a feeling it will be the reason I rage quit and end the LP. Its not too bad in this situation because crocs are slow (slow mobs are very rare in this game) and I'm near water (mobs cant swim... not even crocs).

Also, if you zoom in close here, you can see Chitza's tits look a bit saggy and strange. That's because this game has booby physics. You can get naked and jump around for some visual enjoyment. If you play a male you get weenie physics. I should have brought this up earlier, as its the game's main feature.

Once the crocs are lured away, we go back to the camp to see if we can find our body.

Jesus... Those crocs really went to town... Body parts everywhere. We loot the bodies, and harvest enough meat to last till Christmas.

The only item of interest we found was a stone skinning knife. Using this on a corpse gives bonus resources, or a high tier crafting material. It's almost broke and I cant repair it because I don't know the blueprints for it. I'll save the few charges its got in case I run into an exotic animal.

Ug…. We found our body. Thank Crom its still in one piece..... At least until we chop it up with an ax and harvest some delicious Pict booty. Yes... you can harvest your own corpse for resources.

For some reason the crocs are now out in full force... Even getting near our hut. This is god damn ridiculous as I can barely go 10 feet without getting attacked. The nights are filled with screams of the Exiles down the shoreline. The crocs have ate all other wildlife. I hate crocs and crocs hate me. TIME TO MOVE.

I test out the oil flask I found last update by throwing it at my house. It creates a mess, but sadly I was unable to use my torch and light it on fire. Fuck this place. I'm never coming back.

A zoomed in section of the southern part of the map. We're the sperm shape on the north side of the river. Areas that we explored are also shown on the map- The Cavern of Fiends to the west(The cave with the mutants and crystals) The Shattered Bridge to the south, and just barely visible above the cavern, the place where we met the friendly Yog shaman.

Here's my plan. We are going east bound, staying close to the main river. Our target is to get to those green lands. I figure less crocs and less rocks would be good on the eyes.

Goodbye, little hut.

We pack up our armor workbench and put it in our pocket... It weighs ALOT, so we end up leaving all our resource materials in a storage box. I have no plans to return here, so this stuff is probably gone like piss in the wind- but you never know.

We pass by the croc camp on the way out... The never ending war still rages- Exiles being snacked upon like goldfish crackers. I'm running in the wrong direction (back to my hut) because I forgot to take some Iron Ingots out of the furnace. I really need to find some more iron, as Iron weapons and tools is the next crafting project.

What mysteries await in the east? What Horrors? What adventures?

SPOILER: I get killed by a pack of Hyenas 20 seconds after this pic was taken.

 

[Reinhardt]

we end up leaving all our resource materials in a storage box. I have no plans to return here, so this stuff is probably gone like piss in the wind- but you never know.

But if you call yourself rpg games player you will return for them.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

PART 8: RESTING IN THE SHADOW OF THE UNKNOWN

Spoiler

We cross the river bend, and cut across a small canyon. There, we encounter a couple of Hyenas, feasting on the remains of a gazelle. If you read the last update, you'll know what's about to happen.

The good news is that they only seem a little tougher than the crocs. I died because I wasn't use to their speed of attacks. Fighting the crocs and other Exiles was fairly methodical. So are the Hyenas, but they leave less openings after they attack. Stamina management is more critical here. Lesson learned.

We spawn back at the old hut, and make our way back to our corpse location by nightfall. I can't see shit... not my naked beautiful body, not my corpse, not even the hyenas- so I wait around till morning to regain visuals. I have the game set up so night only lasts 15 seconds. Some people like dark nights, but I hate them. Dusk and dawn can be fantastic though.

Morning arrives and we find our stuff. Hyenas are no where to be seen. We salute the guardian statue for overlooking our precious loot, and avoid the temptation to explore its surroundings- We need to keep focus on our destination.

Can't seem to escape these guys, but its the only one I've seen in this area, so that's a good sign.

We come across a gazelle pasture. I hunt for a little bit before moving on. This journey has been highly condensed, as nothing much has happened. We are at the 1/2 point to our targeted green lands. I decided to set up a temp base between the cliffs and river to look for iron and to set up a new spawn point, as we are far from our starting hut. Running back here if I die would be a pain.

I build a 2x3 house this time. If we do find iron among the cliffs, I'll stay here a bit longer and get that blacksmith workbench constructed. Note the top of the house looks a little fucked. For the life of me I cant figure out roof pieces. Don't ever hire a woman for construction jobs, kids.

Our hut is actually on a plateau overlooking the river shoreline. Right below us, is a another couple of Hyenas... Maybe the same ones from before. This time we are prepared.

… Or not. They bite my face off, but we still are victorious. The bleed effect from the daggers is very useful here as I just don't have enough stamina to keep to the offensive.

Yeah... We'll have to be very careful around these guys. I harvest meat, hides, bones and fangs. Not sure what some of this stuff is used for, so getting into risky fights with these guys might not be worth it yet.

We spend some time gathering some resources for some basic hut upgrades (mounted torch & storage chest). There's less wood in this area, so a bit of off the path harvesting is required.

A torch is set by our house. Might help us If we get lost in the night. Before going into the cliffs, I want to swim across the river first and check out an encampment I spotted earlier. Maybe treasure?

Before we leave, we find a small hyena cub, below our perch. I must have killed its parents.

Across the river is indeed another Exile camp. These guys seem to be doing better than their friends down the river... by better, I mean not croc food.

What's that combat maneuver called when one heavy melee guy gets in your face, while 2 spear mates stay behind him and jab through any openings? Yeah. This is fucking annoying as I constantly get stun locked..

I finally managed to get behind the big guy and take out those goddamn spearmen. JESUS THAT PISSED ME OFF.

The big guy is a Dimmerian Blacksmith. You may have noticed that Exile mobs have profession names. That's because you can KO them with a special weapon, torture them in a crafted construct, and make them your slaves. They can be used to help you in combat (like a pet in a MMO) or you can station them at an appropriate workbench and they can make stuff for you if giving the appropriate materials. Depending on their rank, they have a chance to make a better masterwork version of the item, or even a unique artifact. I havnt got far enough in to play with this feature, so I cant really comment on it any further.

Also, I think this is a first in this LP, but this Exile is actually has armor. I'm not 100% sure, but humanoids have a slim change of dropped anything they have equipped, it will be broken as shit, but if you see something of interest on a mob, there may be a small chance of getting it. This blacksmith guy drops his gloves.

Exile camp cleared! No treasure HOORAY!

We slap on our new, yet mostly broken turtle hide gloves. -10 reptilian faction.

Enough messing around... We head back to our plateau and prepare for a dangerous trek into the mountains- in search for that sweet iron booty.

What terrors await us in the mountains and cliffs that shadow our home? I only hope we can find Iron... If not, we are doomed to die in the stone age.

 

[laclongquan]

See? No one care~