Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

[Andnjord]

And Kalin's song while he was hunting the troglodytes:



EDIT: Damn, now I can really picture our dorfs singing soviet songs in the muddy, corpse-strewn tavern when getting drunk bringing the Kommunistic utopia closer through their hard labor. IT'S A GLORIOUS IMAGE!!!!

 

[Grimwulf]

Let's WRAP IT UP.

Building priorities:
1. General Storage (29 points)
2. Metal District (27 points)
3. Stone Garden (22 points)

General Secretary Sqeecoo commissioned BINS.
Kommanding Physician Azira sent his intern to do grunt work, and also decided to butcher a duck. The second-best egg-layer in the world that doesn't even provide meat.
Manager Sukhavati made a few adjustments:
- prohibit smelting
- prohibit farming
- prohibit foraging
- reassign furnace operators and second-class citizens for grunt work
- don't separate grunts into builders and haulers - let them sort the priorities themselves
- assign Matalarata as the tavern performer
- keep Tindrli's squad mining for gems and metals in safe underground layers
- put down her own pickaxe, focus on managing instead
Kommander Kalin switches positions with Kommissar Grimwulf, becoming STRONGMAN Kalin instead. His "minor adjustmints":

01. Kommissar? Fuck dat shit. Ima be known as STRONGMAN!
02. ALL carrot wine is STRONGMAN booze! Fetch it to me!
03. Any dorf found drinkin muh carrot wine shall be PUT TO DEATH!
04. ALL strawbraries are MINE!
05. Forugers must priorutize strawbraries and carrots
06. Ah need a gud GOBLET preferubly enkrustid with BLUE JADE
07. GEMS must be brought to STRONGMAN office for... Inspekshun
08. Gon need SNAZZY outfit!
09. Ima keepin mah silver warhammu... for sekurituh!
10. Andnjord! STRONGMAN demands FINE PEWTER for bonaz items! This is ABSOLUT priority!
11. I wanna pick up kraftin as a hobbu - bone kraftin, espeshully HORSE BONE!
12. Wanna cumpose a POEM to inspire the peepul... Dunno how
13. Any DORF who knows da Fancy Glittering Poem must prefurm it to me - with KREDIT
14. Gon need a YOUNG SINGUL DORF FEMOID for muh private sekrutary - she gon sleep in muh room obv.
15. If tradurs cum - new priorituh is to BUY GIANT WOLF TOOTH and HORSE BONE
16. Blubba is sentunced to 1 MONTH OF GULAG for disrespektun mah ATHORITY!
17. GLAZER! If KKK does nut have a glazer we must find one immediutly - ah need ARTSY stuff with ASH GLAZE!
18. If no hab GLAZER dan Reinhard will be sent to rekruit one!
19. Tamburin NEEDS A STATUE in itz likeness
20. KKK needs a new tempul... To ECUM FAIRRIGHTEOUS! Next to STRONGMAN office preferubly, chop chop!
21. Nutter Kin and Sukha will get speshul bonaz - within reasun obv. Selfushness in KKK will not be tolurated

Kommissar Grimwulf becomes Kommander Grimwulf until the end of Season, going monster-hunting with his well-trained, barely armored, and highly expendable bottle brothers.

That's it, I believe. The headache is still killin' me, but IT WILL NOT PREVENT GRIMWULF FROM SENDING HIS MEN DWARVES TO GLOOOOORIOUS DEA-- Deactivation of ancient monstrosities.

 

[Azira]

That duck had been eyeing me strange. He had it coming. Consider it ... cancelled. Yeah. Goodbye Howard.

 

[vazha]

Andnjord Did you craft me dat pickax I ve been pesterin you aboot? The nutcracker one. Need that to do "minor ajustmints" to that monster of ours.

Grimwulf We re sending the monsterhunters there first, right? right?

 

[Grimwulf]

Andnjord Did you craft me dat pickax I ve been pesterin you aboot? The nutcracker one. Need that to do "minor ajustmints" to that monster of ours.

Andnjord forged barely anything this Winter due to his BIN superstitions, and our general lack of haulers. No pickaxe for you.

Grimwulf We re sending the monsterhunters there first, right? right?

Can't order them around. Once we unseal the entrance, the Prolebashers will STORM their way into the caverns. If we wait for monster hunters to find their balls, the forgotten beast might come to the fortress. Can't let that happen.

 

[a bear named spigot]

Can't order them around. Once we unseal the entrance, the Prolebashers will STORM their way into the caverns.

 

[Reinhardt]

Muh new BRO SPIGOT is muh new sekond in kommand

i don't want to be in the prolebashers anymore

With great power comes great responsibility.

 

[Lagole Gon]

So about my reassignment... can I have a pick, or I have to dig with my bare hands too?

 

[SmartCheetah]

That duck had been eyeing me strange. He had it coming. Consider it ... cancelled. Yeah. Goodbye Howard.

Spoiler

I'd kill him too.

 

[Inspectah]

So about my reassignment... can I have a pick, or I have to dig with my bare hands too?

In DF dorfs actually need picks to dig.
You could Always Just say it is some rebellous earthbending or some Kalin Shaolin Iron fist rock punching monk shit tho

 

[vazha]

Andnjord Did you craft me dat pickax I ve been pesterin you aboot? The nutcracker one. Need that to do "minor ajustmints" to that monster of ours.

Andnjord forged barely anything this Winter due to his BIN superstitions, and our general lack of haulers. No pickaxe for you.

Grimwulf We re sending the monsterhunters there first, right? right?

Can't order them around. Once we unseal the entrance, the Prolebashers will STORM their way into the caverns. If we wait for monster hunters to find their balls, the forgotten beast might come to the fortress. Can't let that happen.

In that case the brave Sir Robin War Correspondent will stay at a safe distance and opt for hurling elaborate insults and scathing remarks at the primeval beast, thus providing the prolebashers with an invaluable morale boost.

 

[Reinhardt]

What about your superior wrestling and hugging skills?

 

[vazha]

Wrestling operates on weight categories, sunshine. I am a featherweight fighter, whereas beasto there is probably Sumo lvl. Not much gain in trying to hug those down.

No, the taunt strategy is obviously superior.

"May your hind nails break and something mildly unpleasant happen to you later today!" is bound to have him confused for a moment or two while prolebashers hack away.

 

[Reinhardt]

Wrestling operates on weight categories, sunshine. I am a featherweight fighter, whereas beasto there is probably Sumo lvl. Not much gain in trying to hug those down.

No, the taunt strategy is obviously superior.

"May your hind nails break and something mildly unpleasant happen to you later today!" is bound to have him confused for a moment or two while prolebashers hack away.

Lagole Gon can teach you thing or two about how to wrestle smaller body parts. You don't need to fight it whole.

 

[Lagole Gon]

For some reason I'm not better at wrestling than anyone else. My only strong suit is discipline. Not sure how it helps.

 

[Demo.Graph]

For some reason I'm not better at wrestling than anyone else. My only strong suit is discipline. Not sure how it helps.

It allows you not to scream like a little girl when everyone else does.

Spoiler

 

[Hace El Oso]

For some reason I'm not better at wrestling than anyone else. My only strong suit is discipline. Not sure how it helps.

I would assume it helps you make contact with the beast before wavering and retreating like most of the troops did during the Great Troglodyte Pogrom. Which, if you think about it, probably isn't the answer you're hoping for.

 

[vazha]

A friend of mine, a famous dwarven scholar, Saxo Updaticus, wants to know whether our kkkommissar is done shouting his lungs off in Dominions thread and will finally grace us with much-anticipated updatan.

And no, patience aint a virtue. That's a lie.

 

[Lagole Gon]

A friend of mine, a famous dwarven scholar, Saxo Updaticus, wants to know whether our kkkommissar is done shouting his lungs off in Dominions thread and will finally grace us with much-anticipated updatan.

And no, patience aint a virtue. That's a lie.

Here's your update leak:
Everyone is dead.

 

[Helly]

A friend of mine, a famous dwarven scholar, Saxo Updaticus, wants to know whether our kkkommissar is done shouting his lungs off in Dominions thread and will finally grace us with much-anticipated updatan.

And no, patience aint a virtue. That's a lie.

Here's you update leak:
Everyone is dead.

You mean everybody but Helly and her family

 

[Reinhardt]

And baud.

 

[Citizen]

The best possible ending to this LP is Helly and her family stumbling upon baud in a random forest on one of "these" nights, parents being ruthlessly mutilated and killed by a sock wielding weregecko and Mebil turning into one. Then of course he will return to Redlabored FOR VENGEANCE

 

[Lizzurd]

The best possible ending to this LP is Helly and her family stumbling upon baud in a random forest on one of "these" nights, parents being ruthlessly mutilated and killed by a sock wielding weregecko and Mebil turning into one. Then of course he will return to Redlabored FOR VENGEANCE

Unless Helly was beforehand corrupted by Grimrust and sent to Redlabored to capture Grimwulf and bring him to her demon master. Luckily Baud was able to interfere and stop dead Helly in her tracks and defeat her during the full moon. Only cursed Mebil survived, but his heart was so filled with hatred that he returned to Redlabored the next moon and took vengeance.

 

[vazha]

Cursed Melbil xD esp with that avatar pic of his xD bwahah
:cackles maniacally:

 

[Chaosdwarft]

Keep the fan fiction going guys and gals...