Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

Azira · Dec 9, 2019

a bear named spigot said:
the only medical aid I will seek while Azira is the doctor will come from my own still.

Oh, I pledge to use copious amounts of alcohol too, sometimes even as treatment!
In other times, as anesthesia. :obviously:

Sometimes, even for the patient...

vazha · Dec 9, 2019

Lagole Gon said:
1. Metal Industry. I can help with black metal industry.

I was half-expecting Grimwulf to make you to burn down a temple in this update )))

Helly · Dec 9, 2019

Well, well, everything went as expected, ah ahhaha ahaAHAHAHA-
Now, let's see what we have to work with.

Grimwulf: Honored Leader
Azira: Purveyor of Health and Health Accessories
Kalin: Lord of War
Sqeeco: Master of History
Bear: Beer and beer diplomacy
Me: Kaptain of the Kommunist Kutting Kultists. Silly, I know, but it sounds like the kind of name that could work around here- oh silly me, kould work. Ah. Ahaha. AhahahhhaaHAHAR.

Merc: Artist & Carpenter making all the beautiful art we live around. *Note to self: double his beer ration

Tindrli: Miner
Storyfag: Miner
Sukhavati: One day, he will be a mechanic. For now he'll mine with the rest.

Kommunist Kutting Kultists
LagoleGon: Wood Kutting, Salting the earth, then Farming (You like greenery heh? Enjoy salting where it once grew when we're done.) *Note to self, ask Bear to get us lots of salt
Wayward son: Wood Industry making, then Papermaking. I shall make his dream come true, again.
HelloFriend: Wood Industry making, then Wood Kutting, then Farming
baud: Wood Industry making, then Wood Kutting, then Salting the earth

Kitchen *Note to self, let Mustawd find a 'Kool' name for it. AhahAHAHAR
Mustawd: Kitchen Mining, then Food staff
Brother Frank: Kitchen Mining, then Food staff (Doesn't like craftsmanship and sacrifice? Enjoy washing dishes for the rest of your life then.)

Reinhardt: Kommunalka Making, then Food staff

baud · Dec 9, 2019

Reinhardt said:
Why no one trusts me - our best trader - to be the broker?

No, you suck, just like all the others.

Reinhardt · Dec 9, 2019

baud said:
Reinhardt said:

Why no one trusts me - our best trader - to be the broker?

Click to expand...

No, you suck, just like all the others.

Grimwulf said:
Logs, stone blocks, charcoal, unprocessed plants, seeds - this is all worthless.

It's because your broker is worthless. Master class from master trader!

Kalin · Dec 9, 2019

Yeh this shit broker should be in the militia give Reinhaato his job ok.

baud · Dec 9, 2019

On the other hand, considering the standards of the commissar, it wouldn't be have been an issue.

Grimwulf · Dec 10, 2019

1st Moonstone, 125, Early Winter
The Outpost, Dining Room
Late Night

*counting votes* That makes it... Five votes for Hilda. You are the manager of Redlabored now.

Ahhh, marvelous. I will not let you down, Kommissar. I will not let anybody down. *winks at Kalin*

You have ONE YEAR to construct Food District, Kommunalka, Wood District, and Gem District. I've made some adjustments to these projects, so make sure you receive my instructions before you do anything stupid.

Shall we drink to the bright future of Angèrith?

No. You are falling behind schedule already. SPIGOT!

WHAT?!

YOU ARE THE BROKER NAW!

ARRR

I WANT YOU TO SELL SHIT AND BUY SHIT!

YARRR

Why can't all of you be like Spigot?

Wait, how the hell did you remember his na--

SCREWKILL! Where is Screwkill? Or was it Seacool?

Sqeecoo!

YES, YOU, whatever your name was. I want you to become the new Azira, only BETTER! You are the bookkeeper of Redlabored!

So cool! Not sure I'm cut for the job. Do you want numbers or bars? Should I do analysis to compar--

You have ONE JOB, damn you! Report to me every Season! All I want to hear is how GUD this fortress is doing. No more complaining about the manager's incompetence! Speaking of incompetence, AZIRA!

I'm standing right next to you, Grim - no need to shout in my ear.

You are the CMD! Again.

I would prefer Kommanding Physician.

You will be Rotting Corpse if I see you fail at your job! Which reminds me. SEEKER!

Sqeecoo!

Keep count of komrades. Every day. If anyone dies on Azira's watch, REPORT TO ME! If you see ANYONE attempting suicide, REPORT TO ME!

Roger that! I mean, I should probably stop them first, and only t--

NO! REPORT TO ME!

I can't babysit the dwarves all day long, Kommissar, not by myself. May I have an assistant, at least?

Sure, why not.

I remember Lagole Lon saying he likes changing diapers. Clearly, this kid is a natural-born nurse.

*looks terrified* You can't--

I can. And I did. Rest assured, you and I will have a lot of fun together.

*mumbles* This place is the worst...

And finally, Kalin.

Dat's KOMMANDER KALIN for you!

Your task is to MAKE KOMMUNISM GREAT AGAIN! I will not have ANYDEER trifle with us. You may choose four dwarves to serve in the GLORIOUS ranks of Redlabored. There is no rush. Take your time. The barracks are still under constructions, and you should evaluate each potential recruit, their military prowess, any previous experience--

Hold. Mah. Beard. *starts searching for something in his pants*

Kalin?

Dere it is. *grabs a yuge book*

Really? Are you keeping your personal Book of Grudges?

I'm surprised he can read and write at all.

SPIGGY! Welcome to sekurituh brah!

You can't conscript our administrators.

UGH! *turns three pages* CRAZY BITCH! Congrats pal, you made it!

Hehehehehe, DEATH TO ALL BUTTERFLIES!

*sigh of relief*

*turns another page* STORYFAG it is!

Brother Frank and Voiceless Slave, together forever!

Come on, Kal! I've been in the militia, you should pick me! You can't take my bro and leave me out!

Kalin, FOR FUCKS SAKE, this is NOT how you form a military!

SHUDDUP, both of ya - Imma choosan Kommander! ELEKSHUNS, BITCH! *grabs crotch and turns another page with his nose* MERC! ARROW FODDER DUTY!

Is this some kind of a sick joke? Kommissar! I am the only carpenter in Redlabored! I cannot serve in the military - who will make furniture, barrels, bins, doors--

Heheheh! Diz gon b gud! *turns page* Yep, Lagole it is! Snagging Azira's pick makes it even moar of a bonaz move.

Now that's just rude.

Oh wow, I'm popular now. You guys remind me that Euronymous guy I used to know.

You remand me uf a kid I trained to deth back in mah Guard Captun dayz. Sassy bitch couldn't handle da heat.

*closes the book and hides it in his pants*

How does it even fit in there?

Helga, we need a replacement at the carpentry. Take note.

It will be hard to replace my good friend Merc. But I will think of something.

*grumbles* Could be worse. At least our miners are in place.

Alright, Mustawd is conscripted into medical service then. Should be enlightening for him.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, AZIRA!! He just STARTED to learn how to hold a fucking pick!

L-L-EAVE MY HUSBANDO AL--

Be quiet, wife. I am the doctor's intern now.

What a fucking mess. Deal with it, Huelly! Or I will deal with YOU.

2nd Moonstone, 125, Early Winter
The Outpost, Hospital

How are you feeling, Ryan-- I mean, Friend?

*moans in pain*

*mumbles to himself* Ryan..? Where did that come from?

I don't think he's feeling great, doctor.

Nonsense. Say, "The therapist thought of southern thongs."

The therapist thought of southern... thongs. Hommm, it worked?

And that's how you do teeth transplantation, Mustawd.

Teeth? My cousin has a chunk of basalt where his tooth used to be. And this chunk is wiggling when he speaks.

I am an artist. Be grateful I am willing to teach.

*knocks on the door* May I speak to you in private, my good doctor?

Come in, Helly. My intern was about to see Friend to the dining room.

Let's have a drink, cousin. I owe you one.

*leave the Hospital*

Well? What is it?

Being a more experienced Kommunist-Administrator, is there a chance you could bestow some wisdom upon this green, yet terribly enthusiastic manager?

For starters, you should stop calling yourself "manager" and come up with something more... fitting. We're running a Klub here, Helly. Kommunistic Klub of Kontroversy.

Ah, I see. How does Kaptain of the Kommunist Kutting Kultists sound?

Appropriately inane. I like it.

Marvelous. I've also came up with solutions regarding our labor assignments. Could use a second opinion if you have a moment to spare?

I am always willing to help. Even those I don't trust in the slightest.

You and I have more in common than meets the eye, A HAR HAR, haha, ahhhh. Merc will be our artist and carpenter.

No chance. Merc is a goner, might as well forget about him. *sigh* Look. If we had a merciful, empathetic Kommander, Merc would be able to work on his crafts when he's not training, if only for the sake of mood improvement. Kalin is neither merciful nor empathetic. Merc became Kalin's property the moment we elected Kommander. The same is true for other recruits.

That so..? Unexpected.

Why don't you start with assigning the miners? We have two pickaxes at the moment. One of them handled by Tindrli, obviously.

Obviously. As for the second - well, Mustawd?

No. He is my assistant now. Ordering Mustawd around is my privilege, not yours.

More complications. Brainwas-- aaahh, convincing Wayward Son into making a proposal was less straining than managing Angèrith... Let it be Sukhavati. One day, she will be a mechanic. For now, she'll mine with Tindrli.

One day... will be..? Make sure you don't talk like that in her presence. I imagine she'll be extremely insulted.

In any case, good call. Forcing a perfectly capable mechanic and a promising mason to work in the mines. I'd say this is the fastest way to make new enemies.

I am also planning to establish a paper making industry here in Redlabored. My husband is quite experienced in that field. I shall make his dream come true, again.

Perfect. Paper is something we really need here. Paper will solve all our problems in an instant.

I smell sarcasm, doctor Azira.

Sarcasm? I would never. The smell comes from Kalin's dirty socks over there.

Why do you keep his socks in the Hospital?

Inspiration. Practicing the art of medicine requires an... unstrung set of mind.

23rd Moonstone, 125, Early Winter

What a weird turn of events here in Redlabored. So strange to see Helly as the new manager! First thing she had to do is to find a miner to replace Mustawd. No matter how good is Tindrli, one dwarf cannot dig out the new facilities fast enough.

Helly decided to assign Sukhavati for the mining job, much to everyone's surprise. Gods, the look on Sukavati's face when she heard the news... brr. I'm used to seeing her focused, serious, annoyed, but not angry. Wish I'd never have to see her silent fury again.

Replacing Merc will be even more tricky, though. There is no carpenter in Redlabored at the moment since none of us has any experience working with wood. I guess we could make basalt furniture for the most part, but that would require our masons to slow down on basalt blocks production. Besides, we need a carpenter to make beds and bins at the very least. What to do? Well, not my problem, thankfully.

In other news, the barracks are done. Although "done" might not be the right word... They are functional.

Yep, bare-bones. Boulders scattered everywhere. ~~Not nearly enough storage space~~ I forgot we don't have any equipment to store.

The floor is rough stone. No dwarfpower to smooth floors right now.

Only three beds. Poor Merc didn't manage to finish the beds order. Kalin dragged him out of his workshop in a most brutal fashion and hauled his body all the way to the barracks.

The training should begin next week. Gods. I feel pity for our recruits.

1st Opal, 125, Mid-Winter
Redlabored, Barracks

Are ye rehdy for sum DRILLIN', Prolebashers?

Drill THIS *grabs crotch*

Rule numba one: only KOMMANDER KALIN can grab crotch! *grabs crotch*

*squeezes crotch*

*squeezes the hell outta crotch*

*dramatic sigh* The greatest dwarven army of them all.

RULE NUMBA TWO - da kid sleeps on da floor!

I can sleep in the guest room. Duh.

NU! Ye will sleep on da floor and ONLY when I allow ya to!

What this setting means: during Opal (Mid-Winter), all squad members must be training at all times. They may sleep only when completely exhausted and unable to stand. And even then they are only allowed to sleep in the barracks.

In other words, recruits aren't allowed to leave the barracks. When they get thirsty, other dwarves might bring them a bucket of water. Fortunately for the Prolebashers, there are quite a few friendly dwarves in Redlabored, the recruits shouldn't die from thirst at least.

They shouldn't. If they do, blame Kalin.

Kalin said:
BRUTAL DEATH DRILL for first month to whip this sorry lot into shape

How are we supposed to train without weapons?

Wot do u think is DIS? *raises his war hammer*

You have a war hammer. We have nothing. How exactly does it work, Kommander?

Allow me ta DEMUNSTRUT! StoryFAG!

Umm, yeah?

YE'R LEADIN' DA DOGE DEMUNSTASHUN!

... Whaa?

*swings his war hammer, smashing Storyfag's gut*

HNNNNNG!!

See, dat's not how ye doge.

Hehehehehe *claps her hands* Can I try? *kicks Storyfag, knocking him down in an instant* FUN!!

Gud KIK!

Pfft. Army service is so stupid.

NEXT LESSUN: how ta beat DA SHIT outta beardless kids and FEEL GUD about it!

The BEST kind of lesson.

8th Opal, 125, Mid-Winter
The Surface

Wh... W-w. WH-AIII

Hey, sis! Wassup with you, giiiirl?

Am-m... MMMM! AAAMMM

Weesun, bro, any idea what's wrong with my little sis?

Bordering wiliness unshackles a grueling commemoration.

Aaahhh, AHHH, AAHHHHH-- I

She's been like that for months now.

NN-n-n-nO... T!

*shrugs* Unrevealing.

Th-th-th-ththththt

I remember this dwarf serving with me in the militia, we called him Thumb. He was speaking just like you right now, sis! As if he had a thumb in his ass, hue hue.

Br-br-brok! KER!

Maybe you should visit doctor Azzy?

14th Opal, 125, Mid-Winter
The Outpost, Kitchen/Still

Hey, Sqeecoo! Wanna play Make Believe?

Sorry, little guy. Between my new bookkeeper duties and cooking, I don't have time for anything anymore.

How about you, Spigot?

Bugger off, little pest!

You've spilled some ale on yourself. *wipes the spill off Spigot's furs*

Hrmpf. Ar ya gonna distract me all day or what? SCRAM!

Oh, stop being so rude, for goodness sake! The kid only wants to play.

I was working my ass off at his age. Providing for myself AND my crazy grandma.

It's okay, though. I like it when Spigot's angry like that.

You ain't seen ANGRY, damnable rascal!

*chuckles*

*grumbles* Kids these days, good-for-nothing rats, fuck my life

Wish my dad was able to show emotions sometimes. But he is always... I don't know. Sad?

Why is he sad?

*shrugs and looks down*

... Think I just saw a rat. Literal rat, I mean. OI, KID! MAKE YERSELF USEFUL FOR FARK'S SAKE - GO FIND THE RAT IN THE FUCKIN' STORAGE!

*runs outside, chasing the invisible rat*

You. What's yer fucking name was..?

Sqeecoo! Come on, we've been working together in this kitchen for months now!

It's my STILL, not yer cursed kitchen! Also, learn to shut yer goblin mouth when Shorast is around, or I'll shut it myself for GOOD!

Easy there, you bear. What did I even do?

That boy has been through tough shit, alright? He doesn't need any mouth-flappin' maggots like you asking questions!

What kind of "tough shit," though?

GO BUGGER SOMEONE ELSE, I SAID! Fuck, you gotta be BRAINDEAD or sumthin'.

*enters the kitchen/still* Everything all right? I heard screaming. Well, more screaming than usual.

IS THERE A FUCKING SIGN OUTSIDE SAYIN "ALL FUCKING VISITORS WELCOME"?!

I was merely asking a question. Polite-like, mind you.

Fuck you and your questions, Inquisitor. Actually, scratch that. Why don't you ask the ancient one about Lorbam Jawclasp?

Who?

Friend's wife. Shorast's mother.

Lorbam Jawclasp is this boy's mother..? Gods...

Pheh. Look at him. Not so chatty all of a sudden.

Anyone's going to tell me what's up? Because I don't understand a thing!

*sigh* Lorbam Jawclasp used to be the royal spy under Queen Bomrek's command. Nobody knows how she earned this position. All I heard is rumors about her husband being a distant relative of the Queen herself.

Friend is related to Queen Bomrek?

According to the rumor, yes.

Ain't no marriage in my book. They've spent together what - six months? Seven? Then the bitch-queen sent her out on a "mission."

What kind of mission?

Lorbam was tasked with gathering information from the human town of Girderjoyous.

"Human" town, my ass. It was populated by dwarves.

If it is of any solace, Lorbam did an excellent service for the Crown.

Go tell it to Shorast and see if it is of any "solace," you fuck.

What's the deal with Girderjoyous anyway? How is it important?

Queen Bomrek cares about the dwarves, whether you believe it or not. All dwarves. Criminals and exiles included. That's the only reason I'm here. That's the only reason Lorbam was sent to a human settlement populated by dwarves.

Sooo, something went wrong, I assume?

This town was not... the safest place to live. Especially if you are a mother raising dwarven children. You see, Lorbam's husband had to stay in Feralpulley in order to maintain Lorbam's legend of a grieving widow.

They were only allowed to meet in secret, far away from Girderjoyous and human eyes. Lorbam even managed to give birth to seven children after these secret meetings. Most of them stayed with her. People of Girderjoyous didn't ask questions. They didn't judge, and everything was well, until... *sigh* Humans are a bit more, hmmm, warmongering than dwarves, you could say. The state of permanent conflict is natural for their kind. So...

Pathetic old cunt. You really don't wanna dive into this story, do you?

... No. Not really.

Let me fucking help you out then. First, there was the girl, Friend's eldest daughter. Ten years old. Died during a brigand attack. And by "died," I mean executed. Burned alive.

By a dwarven criminal no less, of whom the bitch-queen cares oh so fucking much!

...

They BURNED A TEN-YEAR-OLD CHILD ALIVE JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT, TEKKUD! That's how the bitch-queen rules over the dwarves! Pardon the criminals! Send mothers and children TO THEIR FUCKING DEATHS!

...

Then there was the Ignited Siege. Ten elves against the whoooole fucking Girderjoyous. Trust me, it was uglier than it fucking sounds.

Friend's son died this day. He was a just a boy, younger than that piss-drinker Lagole Lon.

Lorbam Jawclasp tried to protect her children and Girderjoyous. She engaged the elven leader Covema Spunwaved personally. Can you guess how it ended, Sqeecoo?

I don't... know.

She died.

OF COURSE SHE FUCKING DIED!

Worst part? Some of her children were still living in Girderjoyous. The bitch-queen knew about the Ignited Siege, but Friend didn't. When he found out what happened, it was too late.

What do you mean?

Girderjoyous was invaded by the fucking elves soon after the Ignited Siege, again. And these fuckers were not as gentle this time.

Among the dead were two sons of Friend and Lorbam.

Life is unjust and fucked up. Most of Friend's family died due to the will of his great-great-grandmother, while she is still alive.

Enjoying her royal life in Plankplunged, doing festivities and shit, not givin' a flying fuck.

All these elven attacks... They all happened this year. While we were building Redlabored. It was so recent. And so close to our fortress.

Well, BREAKING NEWS for you, squeakin' frog: THE WORLD OUTSIDE IS FUCKING HOSTILE!! Unlike this damn fortress, Girderjoyous had military, numbers, AND political protection from human nations. Today it's a fucking GHOST TOWN!

While you are sittin' here, picking noses, voting for this buttheaded moron to be your KOMMANDER, and thinkin' you'll be fine? THINK AGAIN! *storms his way outside, slamming the door behind him*

... Damn.

Every dwarf has a history, Sqeecoo. Even those who don't want to discuss it. Especially those dwarves. Spigot might appear ferocious and unstable, but he has a kind heart. He cares about Shorast, I can tell.

That poor kid.

I serve the Queen. Am I proud of it? For the most part. Every dwarf makes mistakes, Queen Bomrek is no exception. But that's not relevant, child. You strike me as an open-minded dwarf. I ask you to listen to what I have to say.

Sure thing, Tekkud.

Angèrith will not survive on its own. Sooner or later, if your fortress endures, the Crown will extend an offer of vassalage. When that day comes, forget about your grudges. Forget about your personal opinions and judgments regarding the Queen. If Redlabored refuses to become a loyal subject of the Crown, it will suffer the same fate as Girderjoyous.

10th Obsidian, 125, Late Winter
Redlabored, Stone District

How many times should I tell you, Mustawd? You may only carve anal candles when the Kommissar isn't watching! When he does, we cut stone blocks! Is it so hard to understand?

Guess not.

Look at you. Now I'll have to waste a whole candle treating your bruises.

*enters the stone storage*

Sukhavati! How are you feeling?

How do you think? I am a miner now.

Muscle pain? Your back aching all the time? Coughing stone dust? I can help with all that.

Turn me into another Reinhardt? I'll pass.

You'll never be my wife. Unfortunately.

1st Granite, 126, Early Spring
The Outpost

Long have I waited for this day. My own fortress. Kommunisitc Paradise. I thought one year is more than enough for my project to come true. One year, and I will be receiving reports of our significant progress and gloooorious prosperity from highly competent administrators, while sitting on a comfortable Kommunisitc throne, in my own private quarters. *looks at the muddy walls around him* Speaking of which. Why are we not in my private quarters, Helly?

Ah, my dear Kommissar! You see, they are currently under construction.

Why the hold-up? Not enough furniture? Or maybe we are lacking blocks? How many rooms are finished?

Not... many.

Strangely enough, Tindrli refuses to work lately. I had to assign Sukhavati as our second miner since good doctor Azira took Mustawd as an intern, and, well, it turns out Sukhavati is not exceptional at mining.

Don't put the blame on me, Helly. We both know Mustawd isn't any good at mining either. What's up with Tindrli?

I thought you are the Kommanding Physician of Redlabored. Why don't you tell us, good doctor?

Heh heh heh, dat's rich. Dat's wot Rodlubr becomes when KOMMANDER KALIN isn't managin'.

Oh, right! Kalin, would you kindly, umm, have mercy on poor Merc? We kinda need him here?

Nu.

Please? I mean, both Spigot and I had to stop booze and food production almost two months ago. We have no barrels for storage.

Nobody can make barrels around here but Merc.

Mah task is ta FAKIN DAFEND dis place. Merc has potenshul.

Merc has potential? Are YOU going to defend us? Tell us then, how is your so-called "training" going?

Jes fine, jes fine. And also FUKK YOU, Spiggy! *spits*

Screenshot taken from Dwarf Therapist.

For those who doesn't play DF: this screen indicates that nobody in Kalin's squad improved one bit.

Fucking useless is what you are.

If ye don't SHUT IT, Spiggy, I swear, Imma use MAH DICK TA PENETRATE BOTH YER FUCKIN' EYESOCKETS!!

Seriously, though. Is there any point in keeping five perfectly capable dwarves training under Kalin's command? They don't even have any weapons or armor.

YE, WASSUP WID DAT?!

Ah, yes. Grave news, my friends. As soon as I was elected as the Kaptain of Kutting Kultists, I came down to examine Redlabored's construction site. Tindrli was kind enough to show me around and explain a few things about the layer we are working with. It's a metamorphic layer, I'm afraid.

Muthamorfuck?

Yes. To put it short, plenty of stone: basalt and gneiss. Plenty of gems. But no metal ores.

4 chunks of tetrahedrite is all the metal ore we mined so far. Not enough to make a single goddamn axe.

Even if we set up temporary smelters and smithies somewhere, even if we manage to find a blacksmith - we have no metal to work with. We need to dig deeper.

Your only task was to build the chosen facilities, Helly. You can't send the miners digging deeper - you need them to dig Redlabored!

We need more miners, obviously. Which requires more picks. Why don't we trade for picks, Spigot?

Blame the fucking doctor, you dwarven demon. Do you honestly expect the merchants to come to Redlabored? After all those MUCH PROFITABLE deals I've heard of?

Yeah, you keep waiting. I'm sure the merchants are on their way. Can't imagine what's taking them so long. *grumbles* Fucking kommunist retards.

Okay, stop! Everybody calm down! Just stop. Let's focus on the good news. FOOD AND BOOZE STOCKS! High as ever, yay!

Yay? Dwarves? Komrades?

Helly?

Mm?

How long do you think we can last with all that food and drinks?

Years. Many years.

And how many of us are currently working on the food industry?

Let's see... Sqeecoo and Spigot process plants into food and drinks... Reinhardt and Baud gather new plants... I help them when I'm not cutting trees.

Our fortress is full of stone boulders that need to be hauled away. Our wood industry is non-existent. We don't have anybody to construct walls and floors using those blocks. How many blocks do we have, Sqeecoo?

652!

Thank you. 652 basalt blocks and not a single dwarf to put them to use. Because we absolutely need more than the 10-year worth of food and drinks.

*Helly's smile doesn't fade, but her eyes are turning more malevolent with each word coming from Azira*

Everything's fine, I guess. Way to go, Redlabored. I assume that concludes our meeting? Kommissar?

Grim?

MAKE A FUCKING SUICIDE

YOU ARE THE WORST GODDAMN ADMINISTRATORS THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! ALL OF YOU ARE BEYOND INCOMPETENT! MY EYES ARE CRYING VOMIT JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU! MY EARS FUCKING WITHER AND DIE WHEN I LISTEN TO YOUR REPORTS! YOU ARE DESTROYING MY FORTRESS! I HATE YOU ALL!

This ends HERE and NOW, damn you! We will stay right in this muddy Outpost until EVERYOOOONE comes up with a FUCKING solution of how to make Redlabored WORK! I AM YOUR GODDAMN KOMMISSAR! I command THE FLOW OF TIME ITSELF to FUCKING STOP until you rockfuckers make up your excuse of a mind!

Kalin,

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the only carpenter out of the game! I hope it was worth it, and now we have an elite force to deal with any threat. Oh, wait, WE DON'T! Not only because you picked the TRASHIEST fighters in Redlabored, but you also decided to go SOFT on them.

If goddamn deer-bandits attack us tomorrow, IT'S YOUR ASS, Kalin! You'll have to go out there and fight them alone! Half of your squad will die in the first seconds, another half will flee being the pussies they are!

I'm asking one last time, are you SURE you don't want to change anything in your lineup and schedule?

Helly,

This is a mess! You are literally WORSE THAN KALIN! How do you intend to get us out of this ass?

1. The Carpenter Situation.

Let me chew it down for you. Having no carpenter means:

- no beds for Kommunalka;
- no barrels for food and drinks;
- no bins for stone blocks and various stuff;
- no shields for the military;
- no training weapons for the military;
- no wheelbarrows to haul stone and metal ores;
- no splints and crutches for the hospital;

Just SOME things that come to mind. So what are we going to do about it?

1.1. Nothing. Let's wait for the migrants. I'm sure one of them will be a carpenter. Problem solved!
1.2. Assign *dwarfname* as the new carpenter. I know, nobody has any experience. I know, this dwarf will waste whole months and LOADS of logs while making nothing of value or utility. But sooner or later... Maybe not this year... We'll have a new carpenter?
1.3. *insert your option here, because I don't see any other*

2. The Military Equipment Situation.

No arms. No armor. Are you going to do ANYTHING about it?

1.1. Nope. I'd rather wait for the merchants and let Spigot sort it out.
1.2. I'll make my carpenter craft wooden weapons and wooden armor. What? It's genius. Why are you looking at me like that?
1.3. I will, uh, delay the construction of our facilities a bit? So that our miners can dig a bit deeper for metal ores. Then I'll set up temporary smelters and smithies. And then I will find a blacksmith, maybe?
1.4. What's wrong with wrestling? Why do they even need weapons?

Azira,

Thank you for taking away our second-best miner AT THE WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT! GODDAMIT!

Now tell me if you want to fix our best miner or not. Tindrli refuses to do mining job. He is unassigned from other labors, mining is his only job. He has a pick. He is not throwing a tantrum. But he spends most of the time praying in the temple, sleeping, drinking, and basically doing anything BUT mining. It's been almost two months since he started acting like this. A bit longer than your usual not-in-the-mood shmuk.

1. He'll snap out of it. Just you wait and see.
2. He is beyond repair. Take away his pick. Official recommendation: find a new miner.
3. Hold my beard.

If you choose option 3, roll a d6:

1 - Critical failure, Tindrli dies (kill him using DFHack commands)
2, 3 - Failure, no consequences. We'll just have to wait.
4, 5 - Mild success. Use Dwarf Therapist to try and fix the issue (might not be enough, depending on the issue)
6 - Critical success. Use DFHack to fix him (yes, basically cheating)

a bear named spigot,

You have no barrels, and you must brew.
You have no storage, and you must brew.
You have no reason to do it, and yet you must brew.

First, give me dat ale.

Second, tell me the rough % of food and % of drinks you are willing to sell in case the merchants come. Fat chance, I know. But still. I want to prepare myself mentally.

sqeecoo

Report to me more often. I want to feel the pain. Take it all in. I am ready for anything.

I am not

RoBoBOBR · Dec 10, 2019

Grimwulf said:
nobody in Kalin's squad improved one bit.

i think they got some dodger, discipline (a couple dwarfs) and fighter skills -- those are useful. Plus they are all dabbling wrestlers and strikers now.

Grimwulf said:
4 chunks of tetrahedrite is all the metal ore we mined so far. Not enough to make a single goddamn axe.

each tetrahedrite ore piece gets you 4 copper bars and 0-4 silver bars. So you can get 16 copper bars, which is enough for 16 battle axes (Metal battle axes cost one metal bar to forge), while occasional silver bars are great for hammers.

Grimwulf said:
this dwarf will waste whole months and LOADS of logs while making nothing of value or utility

Beds and barrels always have utility, no matter the quality of the item.

Grimwulf · Dec 10, 2019

Forgot some stuff again.

BrotherFrank, Storyfag, Lagole Gon, Usury, you are free to choose a preferred weapon.

In case you decide to roll with a crossbow, note that you will only train to use a crossbow in melee. We don't have an archery range to practice shooting just yet.

Made a few quick screenshots (no image cropping) for those who wish to check their dwarf's well-being. I know it's zoomed out and hard to read. If anyone wants to know everything about a specific dwarf (skills, relations, inventory, pets and whatnot) - post requests at any point of the game, and I'll provide. Doing this for each of our 18 dwarves feels pointless. Half of the players are not even here by now.

RoBoBOBR said:
i think they got some dodger, discipline (a couple dwarfs) and fighter skills -- those are useful.

I might have been a bit over-dramatic for flavor's sake, but the point still stands. It will take years to shape them into decent fighters using Kalin's approach and Kalin's aptitude for teaching in general.

RoBoBOBR said:
each tetrahedrite ore piece gets you 4 copper bars and 0-4 silver bars. So you can get 16 copper bars, which is enough for 16 battle axes (Metal battle axes cost one metal bar to forge), while occasional silver bars are great for hammers.

True that, but I find myself asking what's better:

1. Copper weapons from 0-experience smiths;
2. Wooden weapons from Master carpenter;
3. Bare hands, dwarven teeth, and a sturdy kick.

And whether it's worth it at all to set up smithies/smelters for the sake of processing 4 chunks of tetrahedrite. I mean, what's the end goal? Copper weapons suck in battle. Training can be done with wooden weapons. And I don't see any other tetrahedrite veins in our current layer.

Anyway, it's not my decision to make. I will only blame my administrators in case they make a bad call. Kommunism. Fun.

Demo.Graph · Dec 10, 2019

Grimwulf said:
YOU ARE THE WORST GODDAMN ADMINISTRATORS THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!

Maybe you should make a google spreadsheet with dorf census (portraits and skills) and put the link into OP? I forgot who can do what by page 5.

BrotherFrank · Dec 10, 2019

Battle axe to keep with previously posted pic, plus it seems the best weapon to make limbs fly so is objectively the best choice.

a bear named spigot · Dec 10, 2019

a truly unfortunate situation that no one could have seen coming :shittydog:

i approve the sale of 3/4 of both our current stockpile and future production to these mythical "traders", scale back if new migrants require we keep more for ourselves

hello friend · Dec 10, 2019

Copper picks for more mining + assign every Kutting Kultist to do carpentry. There's enough logs to waste a lot, and with 5 people doing it someone's bound to learn something sooner or later. Live off current food stocks for a bit and let barrel space free itself up gradually. Maybe assign all the carpenters as miners as well. It will be inefficient. It will be fixed. It will be Kommunism.

Just a suggestion Helly

Lagole Gon · Dec 10, 2019

Warhammer, duh. My dwarf likes warhammers.

And we don't have steel for decent slashing weapons.

Reinhardt · Dec 10, 2019

Hunt wild critters and order Kalin to craft more bone totems. It will turn into steady income in no time.

Reinhardt · Dec 10, 2019

Also it will free all ~~captured~~recruited dwarves for something more productive.

Storyfag · Dec 10, 2019

Battle axe :salute:

RoBoBOBR · Dec 10, 2019

Grimwulf said:
1. Copper weapons from 0-experience smiths;

Copper weapons are way better than wooden ones (what are you, an elf?!) and wrestling. Also silver (gained from tetrah) is the best non-artifact material for blunt weapons. Even unskilled weaponsmith can create decent quality stuff and if not -- just melt axes that have no quality signs, it returns 120% of bars used (as do picks, so melting 5 axes/picks nets you 6 bars). If you set up a stockpile for low-quality weapons, set it to auto melt and only produce axes and picks -- you'll level a decent weaponsmith and gain extra bars eventually.

Grimwulf · Dec 10, 2019

Demo.Graph said:
Maybe you should make a google spreadsheet with dorf census (portraits and skills) and put the link into OP? I forgot who can do what by page 5.

I don't see a point, honestly. Skills are changing rapidly, some increase, some rust away. Keeping such a spreadsheet updated would require major effort, I imagine. Not to mention it would kill the fun of making decisions based on raw intuition.

Just roll with general impression of the dwarves and their skills. Sukhavati is clearly someone who knows mechanics. Tindrli can mine. Kalin is pro at skull-bashing. Helly is a woodcutter - she hates nature.

If you struggle to remember the skills of dwarves like Reinhardt, Storyfag, Lagole Lon - chances are, they have no skills at all.

Reinhardt said:
Hunt wild critters and order Kalin to craft more bone totems. It will turn into steady income in no time.

1. Nothing to hunt.
2. Nothing to hunt with.
3. No bone carvers.
4. Nobody orders Kommander what to do, he makes his own decisions.

RoBoBOBR said:
Grimwulf said:

1. Copper weapons from 0-experience smiths;

Click to expand...

Copper weapons are way better than wooden ones (what are you, an elf?!) and wrestling. Also silver (gained from tetrah) is the best non-artifact material for blunt weapons. Even unskilled weaponsmith can create decent quality stuff and if not -- just melt axes that have no quality signs, it returns 120% of bars used (as do picks, so melting 5 axes/picks nets you 6 bars). If you set up a stockpile for low-quality weapons, set it to auto melt and only produce axes and picks -- you'll level a decent weaponsmith and gain extra bars eventually.

This kind of stuff is exactly what I'm trying to avoid here. Same thing as quantum stockpiles, atom smashing, coin training - all banned from this LP by Kommissar's Kommunistic house rules.

Back to your original point, copper weapons are better than wooden ones in most cases, but using copper weapons is basically pushing that panic button. Unskilled dwarves armed with copper swords might as well cut their wrists with them. Provided they can cut anything with copper blades.

Azira · Dec 10, 2019

Hold my beard.

Azira · Dec 10, 2019

Oh, and if you're gonna be prissy about it, I could release Mustawd from internship, due to his ineptness, then take on Baud, who is sure to be just as bad, if not worse.

Ah, the joys of teaching!

Reinhardt · Dec 10, 2019

If i can't be the broker i can be medic! I mean - i'm butcher. It's already halfway.

Storyfag · Dec 10, 2019

Reinhardt said:
If i can't be the broker i can be medic! I mean - i'm butcher. It's already halfway.

Willingly in the company of Doctor Azira? Now THAT is Stockholm Syndrome!

Azira · Dec 10, 2019

What, a volounteer? Of course, I did do a bang-up job with the plastic surgery, so no wonder she comes back for more.

Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

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