Chefe Reviews Oblivion

[The Internets]

Well done Chefe®, truly entertaining®.

 

[HotSnack]

*Sigh* How hard is it to drill this FACT into your head? Very well, luckily for you archaeologists have found an annotated version of this manuscript in King George VII's tomb which further proves that this is the correct Double Slash:

You see? It is mentioned TWICE that this is the Double Slash. Both in the instructions and the recorded account of it being used.

 

[Chefe]

Again, another poor photoshop attempt. Also, once again, that is a Reppuken Stab. The Double Slash is performed by two sideways slashes at your opponents torso. It is performed one-handed.

The man on the left side of your obviously faked image is performed said Reppuken stab, while the fellow on the right is performing a reverse Reppuken. I've seen that image before... it's from an 11th century sword technique manual. I've also seen the caption, which clearly describes the Reppuken Stab and the Reverse Reppuken.

Here's a real book image of the double slash:

As you can see, the last words in the first paragraph clearly state "Double Slash technique".

 

[HotSnack]

When you mentioned reppuken, I actually thought you was referring to this:

Well, so falls my rain of silly bashing for now.

Edit: Oh noes, I only noticed your little photoshopping at the second glance. I broke the illusion!!!

 

[Chefe]

That's the Reppuken, but the Reppuken Stab is a weapon technique.

I'll give you points for trying though. Good job!

 

[Chefe]

To everyone who liked the review: thank you and your welcome. I live to serve the community. Hopefully, my review helped shed some light on this title.

 

[Rat Keeng]

Hm, yet another attempt at convincing the Codex of lost children that Oblivion is worth purchasing, even using illegaly unoptimized screenshots. For shamus!

Any word on whether or not it's real? Should've been a poll to be honest, I can't decide witout polls.

 

[Twinfalls]

Rat Keeng why do you come here and say such bad things about Bethesda? Chefe's review proves it: Oblivion IS the BEST, MOST AMAZING LIFE EXPERIENCE, EVER.

Incidentally, this picture:

Can't be Oblivion for a few key reasons:

1. There are more NPCs on screen at once than the game can handle.

2. Trees reflect in the water.

3. There are textures on objects in the distance.

4. The Wizard is wearing a robe - and can still have boots on.

All in all, you've got an Oblivion-beater right there, Chefe.

 

[kingcomrade]

Who says he's a wizard. He looks like an erotic dancer to me. Well, he's getting *me* hot.

 

[Twinfalls]

Haha! "Greetings stranger! I'm Zapporinius, the Erotic Uninstall Wizard. Wanna see me UNINSTALL my moth-eaten robe? I'll leave my Wizard's hat on, JUST. FOR. YOU. Uh huh"

 

[Jason]

Sorry to ruin your fun guys, but he's not an erotic dancer. He's just a member of the new Angry Jester guild. I should know, afterall, because I have the strategy guide so ask me any questions you have (but not quest spoilers ok).

 

[kingcomrade]

He may not be an erotic dancer to YOU. But his every movement draws my eye, catches my breath. It reminds me of a certain song...

edit: I've been listening to this song nonstop for days, and it still makes me laugh.

 

[DarkUnderlord]

Why do I get the feeling that every review of Oblivion (real or otherwise) posted in this forum is going to be met with rapid 5 minute responses from plants with yahoo e-mail addresses?

 

[yipsl]

AHAHAhahahahahaha!

Context, you silly man.

The context is clear, as has been said it's reasonable to criticize Oblivion (or any other game) as an RPG; but one must keep the subgenres clear, an action RPG is not the same thing as a PnP based RPG like Baldurs Gate or Star Trail.

It's the comments that simply say it's dreck or worse that sound like someone who was once a 13 year old fanboy grew up into a bitter antisocial individual who can't tolerate that life and games has passed them by.

Am I the one out of the loop? See, I don't take this place seriously. Wait, scratch that, I take the content seriously, such as the excellent interviews as of late...

As for the forums, I dunno, maybe I've got a sixth sense and can interpret a poster's intent in their post. I simply cannot place myself in a lofty enough position to bring mysef to badmouth someone for making a satirical, ironic, tongue-in-cheek, and purposely scandalous post here.

Should I be taking things more seriously here in the forums? Am I the one misinterpreting things? I laughed out loud when I read baby arm's post. Was I wrong?

God damn, I'm confused.

-D4

Well, I've always had an intolerance for rape jokes. I've known a rape victim, a friend from years ago in college. I've also had one very strange man make inappropriate comments on the bus once to my 5 year old. I told the bus driver and he made the guy get off. He should have called the cops. If I'd had a cell phone, I would have.

Like I argued on the official boards when people wanted killable kids in the game, some things should not be simulated in games and some comments really are not funny, especially when posted on a message board. It's the offtopic stuff that keeps me away from the boards here, the good content gets overwhelmed at times.

On the official boards, fanboys mistake a respect for Daggerfall's imagining of the Eight Divines as a desire for virtual nudity, and they say "go get some porn". There are alot of midget porn jokes made here. So, I have to say that the problematic posters at the Codex never matured, but grew in bitterness. They're what Bethsoft's fanboys become when they leave 20 behind and reach 40.

In twenty years, if the Codex is still going, if TES is still being released, then today's fanboys will be one's criticizing the latest game vis a vis Oblivion, or Morrowind perhaps.

With me, I try to keep it to criticisms that involve a constructive return to the series roots, to the lore and to the original hardcore RPG fanbase. My hope is to educate the fanboys and make them RPG gamers and not "please be nice to the devs because they work hard blah blah blah."

As far as crudity goes, I try not to be, not in person and not on the web. I see it as detracting from reasonable arguments that I might have and satire works much better than adjectives like "fuctard", rape analogies or midget porn posts.

I pity people like you. You 'grow up' and forget how to live. Next you will be telling us about how you watch touched by an angel. If you haven't figured out not to take like seriously by now, you have a second class mind. Get a life!

Rape jokes never enter into my mind when I think of ways to live. The dirty jokes I've told are all risque word plays and don't involve dreck like that. I can avoid taking life seriously, Chefe's satire was funny; especially the talking horse with rules where he wouldn't carry anything or let you fight from horseback. Pete as Magus was great too.

You just don't have a discriminating palate for jokes. You probably can't tell the difference between a McDonalds and a good restaurant. I'll give you two experience points for the "touched by an angel" jab. It was a valiant attempt from the satirically challenged. You still need 3,284,361 points to reach the next level.

Too bad there's not going to be a Holidays mod, perhaps you could have learned something from it. Go back and replay Arena ASAP and spend some time with Nerides the Fool.

 

[Twinfalls]

Midget porn posts? I think you're getting your favourite websites confused, Yipsl (you naughty man)

edit: damn, too slow

 

[yipsl]

Midget porn posts? I think you're getting your favourite websites confused, Yipsl (you naughty man)

Now that was much funnier than Bryce's "touched by an angel" jab. Please give him some lessons.

 

[Twinfalls]

Don't knock bryce - he'll release the hounds

 

[yipsl]

Don't knock bryce - he'll release the hounds

No he won't, he lost his free one year supply of kibbles and bits. The hounds left him for a more caring human companion who watches touched by an angel.

I find your sig most disturbing.

It's my wife's character. It's how she views herself in the game. We dress up in costume, occasionally, at anime cons.

You don't find rape jokes disturbing but you find the female form in animated 3D disturbing? Very odd that. What are you doing on any game forums besides those devoted to mahjong?

...steamy hot sex with Bethesda's sassy new intern. She used to be a supermodel.

No, that wasn't their intern. They don't hire cute interns. They hire guys that look like Todd Howard. Since he can't stand yelling "boobies" anymore, then maybe he's dressing differently and you just don't know the difference?

I'll go read your "review" now.

Just read it and you're back to satire. Very good. Now if you can only learn to tell the difference between a supermodel and Todd Howard in a dress.

 

[kris]

My impression of most of the codexers:

Even after the game is released and every game site and mag. gives Oblivion 8-9, they will hide in their codex cave, fingers stuck in their ears hollering at the top of their lungs "Oblivion Sucks! Oblivion still sucks! ZOMG TEH GRAPHICS ARE SUCKS!!!"

You are as perceptive as a piece of dirt.

And

Or maybe Chefe does not even have the game yet, he might just be biding his time till it actually comes out. But that's just me. We will all see if he is saying the truth later on today.

Of course he doesn't have the bloody game. Anyone believing Chefe is retarded beyond salvation...

 

[DarkUnderlord]

It's my wife's character. It's how she views herself in the game. We dress up in costume, occasionally, at anime cons.

 

[Elwro]

Thanks to the review I'm now convinced of the game's quality and have preordered copies for my whole family. Good work!

 

[yipsl]

It's my wife's character. It's how she views herself in the game. We dress up in costume, occasionally, at anime cons.

See, your "hot link" proves my point. While most teens and adults can judge a game based on it's merits, a certain type must become fanboy and then grows up to become a disgruntled old guy without much of a life.

The fanboys always say "go get some porn" and you try to link to porn. Same psychology and same difference. I'm an otaku, but not of hentai (though I have couple of shows that are mild ecchi like "2X2 Shinobuden" and "This Ugly and Beautiful World". I'll leave the animated porn to Chefe.

Not only do I find my wife's modded character to be a beautiful representation of her creative spirit and personality, I appreciate beauty wherever I see it -- especially in animation and 3D games. I have Lum on my desktop under my profile and I tell my wife she can shock me if I ever behave like Ataru.

Now, back to the game we're discussing:

I don't see beauty it in the way Bethsoft does people. They go the cheap route on the models and meshes and have some really homely NPCs. Facegen worked out better than I expected in the preview countdown videos during scenes of NPC interaction. They still have few meshes per sex and race and few body types. If there's a NIF exporter, then modders will be able to correct that with time.

 

[bryce777]

AHAHAhahahahahaha!

Context, you silly man.

The context is clear, as has been said it's reasonable to criticize Oblivion (or any other game) as an RPG; but one must keep the subgenres clear, an action RPG is not the same thing as a PnP based RPG like Baldurs Gate or Star Trail.

It's the comments that simply say it's dreck or worse that sound like someone who was once a 13 year old fanboy grew up into a bitter antisocial individual who can't tolerate that life and games has passed them by.

Am I the one out of the loop? See, I don't take this place seriously. Wait, scratch that, I take the content seriously, such as the excellent interviews as of late...

As for the forums, I dunno, maybe I've got a sixth sense and can interpret a poster's intent in their post. I simply cannot place myself in a lofty enough position to bring mysef to badmouth someone for making a satirical, ironic, tongue-in-cheek, and purposely scandalous post here.

Should I be taking things more seriously here in the forums? Am I the one misinterpreting things? I laughed out loud when I read baby arm's post. Was I wrong?

God damn, I'm confused.

-D4

Well, I've always had an intolerance for rape jokes. I've known a rape victim, a friend from years ago in college. I've also had one very strange man make inappropriate comments on the bus once to my 5 year old. I told the bus driver and he made the guy get off. He should have called the cops. If I'd had a cell phone, I would have.

Like I argued on the official boards when people wanted killable kids in the game, some things should not be simulated in games and some comments really are not funny, especially when posted on a message board. It's the offtopic stuff that keeps me away from the boards here, the good content gets overwhelmed at times.

On the official boards, fanboys mistake a respect for Daggerfall's imagining of the Eight Divines as a desire for virtual nudity, and they say "go get some porn". There are alot of midget porn jokes made here. So, I have to say that the problematic posters at the Codex never matured, but grew in bitterness. They're what Bethsoft's fanboys become when they leave 20 behind and reach 40.

In twenty years, if the Codex is still going, if TES is still being released, then today's fanboys will be one's criticizing the latest game vis a vis Oblivion, or Morrowind perhaps.

With me, I try to keep it to criticisms that involve a constructive return to the series roots, to the lore and to the original hardcore RPG fanbase. My hope is to educate the fanboys and make them RPG gamers and not "please be nice to the devs because they work hard blah blah blah."

As far as crudity goes, I try not to be, not in person and not on the web. I see it as detracting from reasonable arguments that I might have and satire works much better than adjectives like "fuctard", rape analogies or midget porn posts.

I pity people like you. You 'grow up' and forget how to live. Next you will be telling us about how you watch touched by an angel. If you haven't figured out not to take like seriously by now, you have a second class mind. Get a life!

Rape jokes never enter into my mind when I think of ways to live. The dirty jokes I've told are all risque word plays and don't involve dreck like that. I can avoid taking life seriously, Chefe's satire was funny; especially the talking horse with rules where he wouldn't carry anything or let you fight from horseback. Pete as Magus was great too.

You just don't have a discriminating palate for jokes. You probably can't tell the difference between a McDonalds and a good restaurant. I'll give you two experience points for the "touched by an angel" jab. It was a valiant attempt from the satirically challenged. You still need 3,284,361 points to reach the next level.

Too bad there's not going to be a Holidays mod, perhaps you could have learned something from it. Go back and replay Arena ASAP and spend some time with Nerides the Fool.

Wow, you need to lighten up. Here you are, going through this joke thread, in a serious discussion with some nitwits who don't get that it's all a joke, then you find a rape joke and start throwing around words like maturity. Maturity is a codeword for lacking in humor and imagination.

As for food, I guess when I was in picholine the other night, I went because they make a good milkshake.

You are right about one thig though. I will never joke about raping teenage girls again. It is something far too dear to my heart to treat so frivolously....

 

[bryce777]

Oh, and since you are a jooooooo, I guess that should be 'touched by a rabbi' in your case.

 

[whitemithrandir]

HEY HEY HEY, Yipsl is right.

Rape is NOT funny...


...unless you're raping a clown, then it's mildly amusing.