01090Hadrian_the_Archaeologist.dlg
I think I read somewhere in the past that ellipses were to have a space after them. There's many, many ellipses here, and all have no spaces. It looks intentional.
Apart from that, I recommended capitalizing the Church, Council, Eye of Kraka-tur, and Elders as they refer to specific people or groups. Proper nouns and such. Perhaps a reference document should be made for all the correction guidelines we're meant to follow, because I get nervous when giving a bloody long list of "add space after the ellipsis" lines, or trying to find if the capitalization I think should be is "correct." Brr.
Line 5: “Hi, Hagian! I got questions..!” could be, “Hi Hagian! I got questions!”
It’s an idiot’s dialogue, so it’s your call on the punctuation, Drog.
Line 39: “Which would you like to know about?” should be, “Which one would you like to know about?”
Lines 59, 64, 67, 68, 83, 85, 90, 91, 95, 96, 106, 113, 116, 127, 133, 136, 139, 142, 160, 186, 195, 197, 213, 218, 224, 225, 226, 229, 248, 250, 251, 262, 277, 280. 284, 289, 301, 307, 313 ,346, 364, 368, 370, 376, 379, 380, 382, 383, 392, 393, 394, 400: a space after an ellipsis is missing, and there may be more than one ellipsis per line.
Line 87: “Uh, I'm on vacation. Left the business at home and what not...” should be, “Uh, I'm on vacation. Left the business at home and whatnot...”
Line 106: “Yes...he's actually done some work for the church.” should be, “Yes...he's actually done some work for the Church.”
Line 127: Capitalize "church." “Look, I'm an important member of this church...my face is well-known. I can't exactly be running around and defacing sacred church artifacts.”
Line 139: “Through that door is a passage which leads to a staircase.” should be, “Through that door is a passage that leads to a staircase.”
Line 160: “the high priest said that there would be an imposter who” should be, “the High Priest said that there would be an imposter who”
Line 167: I don’t understand it; a bad edit? The line is, “Right. Well, I can't say as I could help you.” Maybe it was meant to be, “Well, I can’t say, as I can’t help you.” or “Well, I can’t say, and I couldn’t help you.”
Line 213: It reads, “The word sounds like ancient Panarum, an ancient language used by early church Elders.” Because Panarum is established as an “ancient language,” I recommend the following edit: “The word sounds like Panarum, an ancient language used by early Church Elders.”
Line 224: Apart from the ellipses without spaces, I recommend changing the description “[he trails off...]” to “[He trails off.]” It’s like an indecisive narrator.
Line 229: Considering that Hadrian is probably starting a new sentence every time, “I have no idea...this discovery...I'm speechless.” should be, “I have no idea... This discovery... I'm speechless.” And add the spaces after the ellipses.
Line 235: “One of the objects I have here is the Finger of Mannox...there is a legend associated with it.” should be, “One of the objects I have here is the Finger of Mannox... There is a legend associated with it.”
Line 248: “[Anger flares in the eyes of Hadrian.] The man truly was a Saint...a saint and a warrior.” should be, “[Anger flares in the eyes of Hadrian.] The man truly was a [/b]saint[/b]... a saint and a warrior.” In this instance, “saint” is generic and not a title or name, so it doesn’t need to be capitalized.
Line 269: There’s a difference in the male/female dialogues, but it might not matter.
{269}{You do that.}{You do that, my friend. [He smiles.] Is there anything else?}
Line 284: Capitalize “elders” and “church.”
“Saint Mannox was one of the Elders of the Panarii Church...a very, very holy man. He was the only man in the history of our Church who was 'ascended' by Nasrudin--that means his body was taken directly from this life to the next...”
Line 301: Capitalize “Eye of Kraka-tur,” “Council,” and add a space after the ellipsis.
“No... I mean it's REALLY the [b[Eye[/b] of Kraka-tur! When the Council was banishing him, he put up quite a struggle. Somehow the monsters Eye got put out, and someone found it as they were cleaning up. Dreadful creature, Kraka-tur was. If you ask Alexander about who's been banished over the year's, he'll tell you the story...”
Line 340: Hadrian addresses the female PC as “boy.”
Line 373: Because it’s a little confusing without it (the text never specifies which finger the Finger of Mannox is, here), add “hand” or something suitable to the line.
{[Hadrian turns white...] Missing a finger. His right finger? [He holds his hand up and points to it.]
