Be Kind Rewind
Dumbfuck!
Preface
Due to BG3 being a flagship game of American kultur-terror or rather the American regime cult there are countless threads being filled with highly emotional takes on the game. At the mildest criticism Swen’s agents quickly spam up threads with their whinging that Hitler is being resurrected if the entirety of the Codex doesn’t worship BG3 as their new RPG god. There are also countless of degenerate coomers that will defend the game against the slightest hint of criticism because it lets them indulge in their gay bear sex fantasies, as well as a couple of culture warriors that supposedly play the game out of spite or the lunatics that will tell you to watch gay porn and just fast forward through the fudgepacking bits. This being the case none of these people playing the game can be trusted to give the game a fair and objective review. This is why I’m stepping up to the task, having no interest in playing this at all since it isn’t a game worth playing, to review the game with a level head and entirely without bias or suspect motives.
How we got here
Since most users here are either so old they have grown senile, like Crispy, and don’t remember anything, or are recent arrivals still wet behind the ears and don’t know anything about anything, an introduction to the genre is in order. When Crispy was facing his first rejection at his jewish high school prom shortly after the Napoleonic wars the wargame was perfected in Prussia. This was a very European pastime and strongly rooted in the supremacy of the Aryans since antiquity, but it was perfected by one Georg von Reisswitz who was granted royal patronage. Although I could go on at length about what shapes they took in the deeper past, and how they would later evolve and what impact they had, the reason I mention this in my Baldur’s Gate 3 review is that it is important to acknowledge that when an American got his hands on this sort of thing he perverted it into a fantasy simulation, which was then turned into something truly rotten when Ed Greenwood in turn started playing it and gave us what was to become the standard D&D setting in the shape of his own magical realm. Although there was merit to the Gygaxian dungeon crawl that was only taken from its rough form and shaped into something truly worthwhile with the video game “blobber” the cringefest that is BG3 was there also, from the very beginning. RPGs were always decline.
We must also take into account what sort of loser was playing D&D, because as the game grew in popularity and the publishing jew got whiff of it, they started churning out an equivalent of DLCs for the game. Like Magic the Gathering took advantage of retarded children and teens who didn’t understand that 52 cards were adequate for just about any game of cards you might fancy, D&D wasn’t a game you bought, it was sold across a multitude of volumes and due to being so complex in the first place due to needing to peddle all these books also started selling canned adventures and pre-made dungeons and encounters. Wargamers would play their games with a single rulebook, with cheap and readable tokens easily put out onto a hexagonal map, leaving their shelves with ample room for history books and the like. The snot nosed D&D geek on the other hand would have his bookshelves stuffed to the brim with useless books on trivial Forgotten Realms lore, buy expensive miniatures, and get scammed endlessly. All this to simulate the most banal of fantasy stories set in the perverted sex fantasy of some neckbeard.
A brief overview of CRPG history
When tabletop roleplaying was adapted to computers we can roughly divide up the results into two camps, the licence holders and those games that were only inspired by tabletop. The latter gave us the best the CRPG genre has to offer, titles such as Might & Magic, Wizardry, The Dark Heart of Uukrul and other great games, as well as some of the worst the genre has to offer but we will come to that later. The former on the other hand has been a long line of mediocrities. We can safely skip the 1982 Intellivision title, because the cultural significance starts here with Pool of Radiance released in 1988 by SSI. Although SSI was a company that put out highly sophisticated wargames, true to their name, and the odd decent RPG title like Questron, their line of “Goldbox” games were a series of shovelware titles. They churned out fourteen of them starting with PoR before the public got tired of being served such slop but the damage to the genre had been done and this would shape further D&D adaptations. While SSI was busy milking the TSR cow the other harbinger of CRPG decline saw a rise to prominence, Richard Garriot. Slowly and surely over the years he had been putting together a proto-Skyrim with each Ultima iteration and it culminated with Ultima VII, a game that gave CRPGs cancer. No longer about turn-based combat or dungeon crawling, it now was a story-based world-simulation, and instead of having gameplay most of the games were spent listening to NPCs blathering on or baking bread and nonsense like that. The combat was more or less fully automated and a very small part of the Ultima VII games. These two CRPG strands are important to keep in mind because Baldur’s Gate 3 is the union of these two branches.
Bioware Era
Bioware had been putting together a real-time strategy game (RTS) when they found a publisher in Interplay, a very Jewish company ran by Brian Fargo, of the Fargo banking clan. Since they were in possession of the D&D licence they suggested to turn their RTS into an RPG and because the Bioware founders knew the importance of brand recognition they accepted. The Baldur’s Gate series was one of the first AAA RPG titles, featuring the open world of Ultima, but with pre-rendered large backgrounds. Whereas the goldbox shovelware had been cheaply churned out by the numbers but directed at an audience of nerds familiar with the ruleset, Bioware were making a dumbed down series to sell the game to a much larger audience. It’s important to see the parallels with BG3 in this first CRPG blockbuster, although the 150GB size of the new game might seem insane the first Baldur’s Gate came on a whopping five CDs like an FMV game would. Like in Ultima the combat was mostly automated, with the player pausing seeing the characters whack at one another like in an RTS to cast a spell or two. One might think of it as the CRPG equivalent to a Marvel flick and it was competing against the mindless clicker Diablo. The game was a massive success in sales and was an introduction for many to RPGs, prompting Bioware to develop a sequel that was even worse. Going from a bad RTS approximation to one with a visual novel tacked on to it. On a historical note Baldur’s Gate 2 had pre-order DLC in the way of a “bonus CD” with exclusive particularly fancy items long before Zionmax would peddle horse armors in Oblivion. As if Bioware hadn’t done enough damage to the genre with their cinematic approach, character drama, “quirky” party members and terrible implementation of an already bad ruleset they now introduced the world to “romances” with BG2. This is what would bridge the genre from the wargaming roots to fujoshit.
Bioware would continue to hit the same buttons proven successful with subsequent games, watering down the RPG elements that were barely there in the first place, making the games dumber and more accessible to the drooling masses, increasing the cinematic presentation. The games developed as they were being digested by EA could be seen as the ultimate logical conclusion of what they started with Baldur’s Gate. Mass Effect being a third person cinematic shooter and dating sim pretending to be an RPG, or Dragon Age, a series written by women and homosexuals for women and homosexuals. Both aiming to be to their time what BG had been to the 90’s. Dragon Age had been developed specifically as a replacement for the Forgotten Realms licence and we got a taste of what was to come there, homosexuality being the focus of the games. Instead of having to worry about monster ambushes while resting you had to worry about being buggered, especially in Dragon Age 2 which replaced dialogue options with Tim Cain approved icons and a Mass Effect styled dialogue circle. Eventually they would meet the same fate as all other EA purchases and little remains of the studio after Dragon Age Inquisition and Mass Effect 3.
The Rise of Larian
A year after Throne of Bhaal was released Larian had their own answer to the Diablo games, they had crossbred it with Ultima VII and it was titled Divine Divinity. It was more story focused, featuring again an open world explorable from an awkward Ultima-like perspective but featuring aspects of Diablo such as the combat, loot and such. The game was also marred by terrible writing and “jokes”. Over the years as Bioware put out their big releases they would continue trying to build on this but in a directionless manner. As 3D third person games were on the rise and old school CRPGs were dead they turned Divinity 2 into one, the game doesn’t stand out much from other games of the period. You could mistake it for any other game made around the same time, one of the Fable games, Venetica, Gothic 3, Oblivion, Demon’s Souls, or any other generic fantasy game played as a hack and slash in third person. All of which are poor imitations of Dungeon Lords, the singular good game of the sub-genre. The only thing that stood out was the bad writing. They would after that try to capture the Bioware audience with Dragon Commander, a real-time strategy game with visual novel elements and “romances”. You could tell the RTS bits were low on the list of priorities because they were very poorly put together while Larian had spent almost all of the money on voice acting and the parts of the game where you could bone skeletons. Since the game only featured content appealing to straight male incels and not femcels the game flopped, that audience was already being served by Bioware at the time, it came out the same year as Mass Effect 3.
This leads us to the more recent past, which I will quickly deal with since I don’t think the Original Sin games have disappeared from memory yet. Being on the verge of bankruptcy Larian was fortunate enough to being desperate for cash during the early kickstarter goldrush. Returning to their roots they promised going back to making Ultima clones and people bit the hook. The Codex contributed to the kickstarter, being nostalgic for the early Richard Garriot casualization of RPGs. This time around however they dropped the Diablo bits, the Diablo clone market being long since oversaturated, so they went turn-based instead. They also threw in co-op in there as a central feature. The campaign and the subsequent release was a financial success, allowing them to polish the game further, release it for consoles and create an even bigger sequel. After Divinity: Original Sin II sold like hotcakes, awkwardly narrated sex scenes and Ultima simulationist derived elemental shenanigans apparently being very popular with mouthbreathers Larian got an offer to make BG3.
Baldur´s Gate 3
Like Bioware Larian keeps hitting on the buttons that have rewarded them with success so far and one doesn’t need to play BG3 to see what sort of game it is and who the intended audience is. Whereas Todd Howard has made the already dumbed down Ultima available as a pisspoor shooter for the lowest IQ niggers and mutts without any discerning taste whatsoever, the upcoming Starfield being a prime example of that, Swen Vincke aimed to hit the rest of the mass market segments not covered by Bethesda. One of the largest audiences left homeless after the fall of Bioware has been the storyfags, particularly those without a sexlife and most unappealing to whatever gender they fancy. The ones that would analyse Tali’s sweat, the ones that would make horrible fanart of their gay romance interests, the Bioware social posters with fifteen different fetish banners in their profile. These are adjacent to the sort of “people” that watch Critical Role, roleplaying turned into maximum faggotry. It also comes bearing the teachings of the American state cult, which is one reason why so many gaming journalists are fawning over the game, and why the shills Swen sent to the Codex have a particularly colored tint to their posts. There is always the slant of challenging the game at all is also challenging Jewish supremacy, that not liking the game is an infraction against their nigger worship religion. This however has driven some of the most brainless posters that are against the “woke” (which is present in America since the Jews took over in the early 1900’s) to post their ignorant low IQ takes in opposition. They are correct when they say people that play gay sex simulators are probably gay and most certainly mentally retarded, but the masses have always been retarded and many if not most RPGs have been gay since Ultima.
While the game stars literal American regime shills in cameos it also appeals to the now ancient goldbox shovelware audience with its implementation of the D&D current edition ruleset. Leading to many grognards of poor taste to play the game and praising it despite the game taking a massive shit on them, trying to ignore both Larian “jokes”, the fujoshit and the constant stream of propaganda slop they are being forcefed playing the game. Since the game is fully voiced and cinematic it is also perfect for streamers and youtubers to “react” to and play, adding to its popularity. The drought of video games in general, with them taking more time to make and most of them being worse than ever due to both increasing complexity and increasing “diversity” must also play some role in the number of sales.
In many ways BG3 is a return to the early days, we have the turn-based but sloppy gameplay of the SSI shovelware titles, we have the Ed Greenwood coomerism, we have the Ultima VII style interactivity and story focus, we have the ass cancer that is Biowarian “romances” and visual novel breaks between the combat, and all this adapted for the current year troglodyte that now populate America and much of the modern world. It is the pinnacle of everything that was bad about D&D, Baldur’s Gate and early CRPG history. The same rightfully ostracised social outcasts that played these games back in the day, when they weren’t playing FATAL and rolling for anal circumference (a feature in BG4 I’m sure), is whom this game was made for, with the addition of women so fat they can’t find anyone to fuck them. The only thing that has changed is that these worst social elements are now a primary client group of the American government, when the pre-jew America would have favored the Aryan wargamer.
VERDICT: I give the game three ogre sex interruptions and one goblin foot fetish out of full on gay bear bestiality.
Feel free to whinge, seethe, cope in whatever manner you please, rate this post with whatever icon your butthurt demands and so forth. If you're extra butthurt feel free to rate this TL;DR. Or post your own review of the game.
Due to BG3 being a flagship game of American kultur-terror or rather the American regime cult there are countless threads being filled with highly emotional takes on the game. At the mildest criticism Swen’s agents quickly spam up threads with their whinging that Hitler is being resurrected if the entirety of the Codex doesn’t worship BG3 as their new RPG god. There are also countless of degenerate coomers that will defend the game against the slightest hint of criticism because it lets them indulge in their gay bear sex fantasies, as well as a couple of culture warriors that supposedly play the game out of spite or the lunatics that will tell you to watch gay porn and just fast forward through the fudgepacking bits. This being the case none of these people playing the game can be trusted to give the game a fair and objective review. This is why I’m stepping up to the task, having no interest in playing this at all since it isn’t a game worth playing, to review the game with a level head and entirely without bias or suspect motives.
How we got here
Since most users here are either so old they have grown senile, like Crispy, and don’t remember anything, or are recent arrivals still wet behind the ears and don’t know anything about anything, an introduction to the genre is in order. When Crispy was facing his first rejection at his jewish high school prom shortly after the Napoleonic wars the wargame was perfected in Prussia. This was a very European pastime and strongly rooted in the supremacy of the Aryans since antiquity, but it was perfected by one Georg von Reisswitz who was granted royal patronage. Although I could go on at length about what shapes they took in the deeper past, and how they would later evolve and what impact they had, the reason I mention this in my Baldur’s Gate 3 review is that it is important to acknowledge that when an American got his hands on this sort of thing he perverted it into a fantasy simulation, which was then turned into something truly rotten when Ed Greenwood in turn started playing it and gave us what was to become the standard D&D setting in the shape of his own magical realm. Although there was merit to the Gygaxian dungeon crawl that was only taken from its rough form and shaped into something truly worthwhile with the video game “blobber” the cringefest that is BG3 was there also, from the very beginning. RPGs were always decline.
We must also take into account what sort of loser was playing D&D, because as the game grew in popularity and the publishing jew got whiff of it, they started churning out an equivalent of DLCs for the game. Like Magic the Gathering took advantage of retarded children and teens who didn’t understand that 52 cards were adequate for just about any game of cards you might fancy, D&D wasn’t a game you bought, it was sold across a multitude of volumes and due to being so complex in the first place due to needing to peddle all these books also started selling canned adventures and pre-made dungeons and encounters. Wargamers would play their games with a single rulebook, with cheap and readable tokens easily put out onto a hexagonal map, leaving their shelves with ample room for history books and the like. The snot nosed D&D geek on the other hand would have his bookshelves stuffed to the brim with useless books on trivial Forgotten Realms lore, buy expensive miniatures, and get scammed endlessly. All this to simulate the most banal of fantasy stories set in the perverted sex fantasy of some neckbeard.
A brief overview of CRPG history
When tabletop roleplaying was adapted to computers we can roughly divide up the results into two camps, the licence holders and those games that were only inspired by tabletop. The latter gave us the best the CRPG genre has to offer, titles such as Might & Magic, Wizardry, The Dark Heart of Uukrul and other great games, as well as some of the worst the genre has to offer but we will come to that later. The former on the other hand has been a long line of mediocrities. We can safely skip the 1982 Intellivision title, because the cultural significance starts here with Pool of Radiance released in 1988 by SSI. Although SSI was a company that put out highly sophisticated wargames, true to their name, and the odd decent RPG title like Questron, their line of “Goldbox” games were a series of shovelware titles. They churned out fourteen of them starting with PoR before the public got tired of being served such slop but the damage to the genre had been done and this would shape further D&D adaptations. While SSI was busy milking the TSR cow the other harbinger of CRPG decline saw a rise to prominence, Richard Garriot. Slowly and surely over the years he had been putting together a proto-Skyrim with each Ultima iteration and it culminated with Ultima VII, a game that gave CRPGs cancer. No longer about turn-based combat or dungeon crawling, it now was a story-based world-simulation, and instead of having gameplay most of the games were spent listening to NPCs blathering on or baking bread and nonsense like that. The combat was more or less fully automated and a very small part of the Ultima VII games. These two CRPG strands are important to keep in mind because Baldur’s Gate 3 is the union of these two branches.
Bioware Era
Bioware had been putting together a real-time strategy game (RTS) when they found a publisher in Interplay, a very Jewish company ran by Brian Fargo, of the Fargo banking clan. Since they were in possession of the D&D licence they suggested to turn their RTS into an RPG and because the Bioware founders knew the importance of brand recognition they accepted. The Baldur’s Gate series was one of the first AAA RPG titles, featuring the open world of Ultima, but with pre-rendered large backgrounds. Whereas the goldbox shovelware had been cheaply churned out by the numbers but directed at an audience of nerds familiar with the ruleset, Bioware were making a dumbed down series to sell the game to a much larger audience. It’s important to see the parallels with BG3 in this first CRPG blockbuster, although the 150GB size of the new game might seem insane the first Baldur’s Gate came on a whopping five CDs like an FMV game would. Like in Ultima the combat was mostly automated, with the player pausing seeing the characters whack at one another like in an RTS to cast a spell or two. One might think of it as the CRPG equivalent to a Marvel flick and it was competing against the mindless clicker Diablo. The game was a massive success in sales and was an introduction for many to RPGs, prompting Bioware to develop a sequel that was even worse. Going from a bad RTS approximation to one with a visual novel tacked on to it. On a historical note Baldur’s Gate 2 had pre-order DLC in the way of a “bonus CD” with exclusive particularly fancy items long before Zionmax would peddle horse armors in Oblivion. As if Bioware hadn’t done enough damage to the genre with their cinematic approach, character drama, “quirky” party members and terrible implementation of an already bad ruleset they now introduced the world to “romances” with BG2. This is what would bridge the genre from the wargaming roots to fujoshit.
Bioware would continue to hit the same buttons proven successful with subsequent games, watering down the RPG elements that were barely there in the first place, making the games dumber and more accessible to the drooling masses, increasing the cinematic presentation. The games developed as they were being digested by EA could be seen as the ultimate logical conclusion of what they started with Baldur’s Gate. Mass Effect being a third person cinematic shooter and dating sim pretending to be an RPG, or Dragon Age, a series written by women and homosexuals for women and homosexuals. Both aiming to be to their time what BG had been to the 90’s. Dragon Age had been developed specifically as a replacement for the Forgotten Realms licence and we got a taste of what was to come there, homosexuality being the focus of the games. Instead of having to worry about monster ambushes while resting you had to worry about being buggered, especially in Dragon Age 2 which replaced dialogue options with Tim Cain approved icons and a Mass Effect styled dialogue circle. Eventually they would meet the same fate as all other EA purchases and little remains of the studio after Dragon Age Inquisition and Mass Effect 3.
The Rise of Larian
A year after Throne of Bhaal was released Larian had their own answer to the Diablo games, they had crossbred it with Ultima VII and it was titled Divine Divinity. It was more story focused, featuring again an open world explorable from an awkward Ultima-like perspective but featuring aspects of Diablo such as the combat, loot and such. The game was also marred by terrible writing and “jokes”. Over the years as Bioware put out their big releases they would continue trying to build on this but in a directionless manner. As 3D third person games were on the rise and old school CRPGs were dead they turned Divinity 2 into one, the game doesn’t stand out much from other games of the period. You could mistake it for any other game made around the same time, one of the Fable games, Venetica, Gothic 3, Oblivion, Demon’s Souls, or any other generic fantasy game played as a hack and slash in third person. All of which are poor imitations of Dungeon Lords, the singular good game of the sub-genre. The only thing that stood out was the bad writing. They would after that try to capture the Bioware audience with Dragon Commander, a real-time strategy game with visual novel elements and “romances”. You could tell the RTS bits were low on the list of priorities because they were very poorly put together while Larian had spent almost all of the money on voice acting and the parts of the game where you could bone skeletons. Since the game only featured content appealing to straight male incels and not femcels the game flopped, that audience was already being served by Bioware at the time, it came out the same year as Mass Effect 3.
This leads us to the more recent past, which I will quickly deal with since I don’t think the Original Sin games have disappeared from memory yet. Being on the verge of bankruptcy Larian was fortunate enough to being desperate for cash during the early kickstarter goldrush. Returning to their roots they promised going back to making Ultima clones and people bit the hook. The Codex contributed to the kickstarter, being nostalgic for the early Richard Garriot casualization of RPGs. This time around however they dropped the Diablo bits, the Diablo clone market being long since oversaturated, so they went turn-based instead. They also threw in co-op in there as a central feature. The campaign and the subsequent release was a financial success, allowing them to polish the game further, release it for consoles and create an even bigger sequel. After Divinity: Original Sin II sold like hotcakes, awkwardly narrated sex scenes and Ultima simulationist derived elemental shenanigans apparently being very popular with mouthbreathers Larian got an offer to make BG3.
Baldur´s Gate 3
Like Bioware Larian keeps hitting on the buttons that have rewarded them with success so far and one doesn’t need to play BG3 to see what sort of game it is and who the intended audience is. Whereas Todd Howard has made the already dumbed down Ultima available as a pisspoor shooter for the lowest IQ niggers and mutts without any discerning taste whatsoever, the upcoming Starfield being a prime example of that, Swen Vincke aimed to hit the rest of the mass market segments not covered by Bethesda. One of the largest audiences left homeless after the fall of Bioware has been the storyfags, particularly those without a sexlife and most unappealing to whatever gender they fancy. The ones that would analyse Tali’s sweat, the ones that would make horrible fanart of their gay romance interests, the Bioware social posters with fifteen different fetish banners in their profile. These are adjacent to the sort of “people” that watch Critical Role, roleplaying turned into maximum faggotry. It also comes bearing the teachings of the American state cult, which is one reason why so many gaming journalists are fawning over the game, and why the shills Swen sent to the Codex have a particularly colored tint to their posts. There is always the slant of challenging the game at all is also challenging Jewish supremacy, that not liking the game is an infraction against their nigger worship religion. This however has driven some of the most brainless posters that are against the “woke” (which is present in America since the Jews took over in the early 1900’s) to post their ignorant low IQ takes in opposition. They are correct when they say people that play gay sex simulators are probably gay and most certainly mentally retarded, but the masses have always been retarded and many if not most RPGs have been gay since Ultima.
While the game stars literal American regime shills in cameos it also appeals to the now ancient goldbox shovelware audience with its implementation of the D&D current edition ruleset. Leading to many grognards of poor taste to play the game and praising it despite the game taking a massive shit on them, trying to ignore both Larian “jokes”, the fujoshit and the constant stream of propaganda slop they are being forcefed playing the game. Since the game is fully voiced and cinematic it is also perfect for streamers and youtubers to “react” to and play, adding to its popularity. The drought of video games in general, with them taking more time to make and most of them being worse than ever due to both increasing complexity and increasing “diversity” must also play some role in the number of sales.
In many ways BG3 is a return to the early days, we have the turn-based but sloppy gameplay of the SSI shovelware titles, we have the Ed Greenwood coomerism, we have the Ultima VII style interactivity and story focus, we have the ass cancer that is Biowarian “romances” and visual novel breaks between the combat, and all this adapted for the current year troglodyte that now populate America and much of the modern world. It is the pinnacle of everything that was bad about D&D, Baldur’s Gate and early CRPG history. The same rightfully ostracised social outcasts that played these games back in the day, when they weren’t playing FATAL and rolling for anal circumference (a feature in BG4 I’m sure), is whom this game was made for, with the addition of women so fat they can’t find anyone to fuck them. The only thing that has changed is that these worst social elements are now a primary client group of the American government, when the pre-jew America would have favored the Aryan wargamer.
VERDICT: I give the game three ogre sex interruptions and one goblin foot fetish out of full on gay bear bestiality.
Feel free to whinge, seethe, cope in whatever manner you please, rate this post with whatever icon your butthurt demands and so forth. If you're extra butthurt feel free to rate this TL;DR. Or post your own review of the game.
