Section8
Cipher
Okay, I'm undertaking the supreme feat of patience - trying to actually play Baldur's Gate from start to finish. Given that my memories of the game are that it's something like slamming your balls in a gate, repeatedly, until it latches, and then gnawing on your tongue as you slowly die, I can only be pleasantly surprised, right?
Anyway, I'm only just into Chapter 2, and I'm already beginning to doubt I'll actually make it. How the fuck did this game ever get so popular? Just because it's D&D? Since it's been a long time since I've ranted on the topic (with the demise of Black Isle's forums and all) here's what's troubling me -
Now, that's just the core combat portion of the gameplay, and not RPG specific opinions. How the fuck did so many people avoid such frustration? It's like playing one of the infinite number of bad RTSs that came out ~1998. Anyway, on to the rest of the bad stuff -
On top of all that, there are some opinions:
Anyway, I'm puzzled, so I'm curious to hear from anyone who actually liked it. It completely put me off Infinity Engine games, so I never bought Torment, Icewind Dale or any of the other shite. Maybe I'll pirate them one day.
Anyway, I'm only just into Chapter 2, and I'm already beginning to doubt I'll actually make it. How the fuck did this game ever get so popular? Just because it's D&D? Since it's been a long time since I've ranted on the topic (with the demise of Black Isle's forums and all) here's what's troubling me -
- Pathfinding: My fucking god, how can a game, which at its very core, is built around real-time, close-quarters combat get pathfinding so horribly wrong? I spend so much time micromanaging the movement of my fucking idiot party because they're constantly tripping over each other. I feel dirty knowing that my processor is being wasted on 60 ticks of utter stupidity every second.
- AI: I can't trust my fucking idiot party to do anything right, so I'm forced to control them. However, I find myself wanting to control the enemy NPCs/monsters too, because their stupitity cheapens my gaming experience. "I cast paralyse!" again and again! On the same three characters that are already paralysed! While the other three are clusterfucking me at long range! Idiots.
- Level design with no regard for gameplay space: Doors hidden under rooftops, narrow spaces, bottlenecks everywhere, etc. Okay, you're developing a game, you've noticed that one of it's biggest shortcomings is pathfinding, so what do you do? You certainly don't fucking create endless environments to exascerbate the problem. But Bioware did. Go Bioware!
- Combat balance: Low level D&D characters are pretty fragile. And any combat involving them needs to be carefully designed, and at times, peppering a few rolls can be essential. Baldur's Gate however, basically has the player in a series of combat situations, where all participants can die instantly at any given moment. It's very fortunate that I rarely get hit, because it seems every time I do, it's fatal. It will get better with time, but it's a real struggle.
- Random Encounters: Closely tied to the above point. I have 6 level one characters, on the 4 hour (!) trip from Nashkel to its mines, I get raped and tortured by about 4 skeletons and a couple of Wargs. I sleep in the wilderness, and get set upon by a band of ogres, etc. Horrible shit.
Now, that's just the core combat portion of the gameplay, and not RPG specific opinions. How the fuck did so many people avoid such frustration? It's like playing one of the infinite number of bad RTSs that came out ~1998. Anyway, on to the rest of the bad stuff -
- Vacant NPCs: Why are there so many NPCs around that exist solely to say something trivial and then despawn? "Hey yuo r teh grrat avdenturar!! k thx bywe!" <pop!>
- Lack of RP consequence: Aside from a couple of exceptions, nearly everything I say or do results in the same thing.
NPC: Hey, r u boy of Groin?
Me: Yeah, that's me.
NPC: RArrrr111!! I keel u!!!! kekekekekeke
NPC: Hey, r u boy of Groin?
Me: No, you must have mistaken me for someone else.
NPC: RArrrr111!! I keel u!!!! kekekekekeke
NPC: Hey, r u boy of Groin?
Me: You're a fucking idiot mate, do you really think you can take all six of us?
NPC: RArrrr111!! I keel u!!!! kekekekekeke
etc.
- Piss poor implementation of alignment/reputation:
Camp-as-fuck prancing necromancer trying to peel off his own face: Hey there, big boy. Oh, you paladins are adorable! You must let me join you!
Me: Er, well, it's just me and this annoying pink bitch, so I could use the extra manpower. You and your midget ponce of a comrade can tag along.
Camp-as-fuck prancing necromancer trying to peel off his own face: Oh, thanks gorgeous! Let's go to Nashkel!
Me: Er, dude, it says on your character sheets that you're both evil.
Camp-as-fuck prancing necromancer trying to peel off his own face: Er, yeah... about that...[/b]
On top of all that, there are some opinions:
- Piss poor attempts at humour: Are Canadians bad at comedy or something? Wait no, there's that seven minute abs guy from Something About Mary. Must just be Bioware.
Har, har! I r a fukin space hamstarr! lolz
- Unanimously irritating NPCs and party members: Every single character in this game shits me to tears. They're all fucking annoying, without exception, and even with all NPC VO disabled in options, I still can't shut the fuckers up. Plus, they pipe up with random shit at inappropriate times.
On arrival in Nashkel:
Jaheira wut u do? we need go nashkel, k?
Camp-as-fuck prancing necromancer trying to peel off his own face: wut u do? we need go nashkel, k?
- "My establishment's as clean as an open arse": Huh?
Anyway, I'm puzzled, so I'm curious to hear from anyone who actually liked it. It completely put me off Infinity Engine games, so I never bought Torment, Icewind Dale or any of the other shite. Maybe I'll pirate them one day.