Vapourware Lets play Pool Of Radiance 2: Ruins of Myth Drannor. (Blind)

[Filthy Sauce]

Table
Let Us Begin - 03/01/2016
The Orc Fairgrounds - 03/01
The Bridge - 03/04
Dungheaps & Shagbuns - 03/08
The Axhandle Inn - 03/15
Bill Cosby - 03/19
Party Ass Wipe 2 - 03/21
Office Space - 03/27
Azira's Bloodstone - 03/29
Pot Metal - 04/09
Super Zombie Bros - 4/20






INTRO

INTRO

Pool of Radiance: Ruins of Myth Drannor is, hands down, the greatest RPG ever created. It has awesome tactical combat, great plot, and easily the best level design seen in any D&D game. Reminds me of the Pen and Paper days with my Uncle when I was 8 years old. He use to rape me too.

Even though I'm listing this as a blind LP, I did actually play this game a bit back in the day. I quit after 30 minutes of the dungeon. I just couldnt take the awesome that is this game. I was also really confused and turned off by the multiclassing system because I was a 2nd edition fag. My Uncle would beat me if I ever mentioned 3rd ed. His penis smelled like vinegar.

This is my first LP so any suggestions (concerning format) are welcome. I glanced at an old abandon LP here from 2011 and felt the the 800x600 screens where too small and I really couldn't see what the hell was going on. What Ive worked on so far has been upscaled a bit to a higher res/size... with questionable results. Let me know if the original 800x600 would be better. I have already started the LP, so formatting changes may take awhile to come into place. Also, expect edits and noob fuckall mistakes.

As far as PC creation goes, I decide to choose codex peoples Cassidy, Azira, Crooked Bee, RK47. I made Cassidy a girl by mistake and didnt even notice until the 15 minute mark. His dreams have come true. I will go into class choice/plans in the first update. They are all planned multiclass characters, which scares me, as I always use single class in my RPGS. Oh yeah- I dont plan on hiring any NPCs unless I really have to.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

LET US BEGIN



CHARACTER CREATION
Okay, In PoR2 you can only create 4 guys, the other slots are only available for NPCS, which I'll be trying to avoid. I have no idea if this is a good party set up for this game or not. Will they succeed or will they fail? I dunno. I could literally only find 1 'guide' for party build for this game (which I didnt use).

Here we have Cassidy, a human female cleric. Will toss in some classes of fighter, but will primarily be a cleric. Leader of the party. Could have went with Paladin, but I hate those fucks.

Crooked Bee a half-elf rouge. Will multiclass to fighter. Im not sure what ratio yet. In the old uncompleted LP of this game, the creator seemed to think rouge levels gimped the character. We will see.

Azira, half orc sorcerer. Will multiclass into fighter. AINT I ORIGINAL. Ratio will have to be 50% since H.Orcs fav class is barbarian. Not the best race for a sorc, I know... but look how awesome that character model is.

RK47. dwarf sorcerer. Will multiclass with cleric. 50% ratio. Im sure this character will turn out OK.

Lets Begin

As you start the game we are greeted by an intro movie. I cant tell you too much about it because I skipped it. Seems awesome though. Something about a Pool of Radiance and Myth Drannor. The hero characters fall into the pool and go to heaven.

This game has great load screen. Whenever I load a save I get to look at one for 5 minutes.

This is the first screen in the game. There is an orc on fire here. Cassidy pees on him, but its too late and the orc dies.. Theres something about a great plot here but I keep clicking away the dialog windows by accident. I so exited to play this.

The orc drops some some phat goods. As you can see, loot drops in this game are awesome. The guy who designed drops in Diablo 3 must have worked on this game. I also just noticed RK47 (yellow) is hurt. The guy who designed Dark Souls must have worked on this game.

We walk a bit south and find a bridge. It leads somewhere.. But where? This game reminds me of Skyrim on how open it is. Do we cross it or not? This is C&C at its best.

Orcs guard this bridge. I cant say Im too happy about this. This game is awesome but if its going to pull cheap ass tricks like this I might as well uninstall the game (not recommended). Im still pissed RK47 is hurt. Im tired of all the cheats and hacks this game is throwing at me.

I take back everything good I said about this game. Look at this shit. Crooked Bee (green) gets farted on and nearly dies. Who was it? Could have been the Bridge Orcs... Could have been Azira. I dont know. Theres no feedback on anything. Can I at least get a combat log? Cassidy saves the day while RK47 stays back. I dont believe in him anymore.

The Bridge Orc Bros die. Cassidy heals Crooked Bee. RK47 can go fuck himself. Loot drop is a Leather +1, which Bee puts on. Bee's old leather will go to Azira. He may or may not wear it when He gets a level of fighter. This game has too much inventory management.

Heading south, across the bridge, Cassidy and Crooked Bee discover a collapsed cave. Azira discovers himself as he looks upon a great tree. Its at this moment in time I realize just how deep this game is. I photoshopped RK47 out of the picture. I do not want to see him anymore.

The party discovers a strange structure. I spend way too long trying to figure out how to look for secret doors. I finally get pissed off and look at a guide. I have to find a magic command word. I dont remember this at all. I'm beginning to wonder if I even made it to the dungeon back when I originally played this. This thought actually scares me...

The party backtracks across the bridge and heads east. Along the way a single orc tries to ambush us in some ruins. The orc dies from AiDs before he can even reach the party. He had no loot. Josh Sawyer designed this encounter.

As we explore the savage frontier, the party finds a zombie tree house. We also hear the distant sounds of a man being raped. I'm 100% serious. WTF game.

The fight spills out into the streets. Zombies are more tough than orcs, so it takes longer to bring them down. Notice the message log. Just discovered it. You can turn it in by pushing Right-ALT. This makes it easier for us to see and document the failures of RK47.

We loot a key from one of the barrels, then head up the stairs. The zombies were guarding a fountain and a chest. Inside the chest is a healing pot and 2 scrolls of remove paralyze. Azira takes the pot and Cassidy the scrolls. The fountain might be toxic, so the party makes RK47 take a drink. It heals him. Avoiding the temptation to reload a past save, the party continues to search for the source of those HORRIBLE RAPE SOUNDS.

What will they find? I dont know.... And thats what I like about this game- You walk around and you find stuff. I wish more games did this. That zombie fight was really epic. Took about 20 minutes..... 1 minute of combat and 19 of watching the zombies walking animation. The game developers must really be proud of that animation. Oh well, Im sure thats the last we will see of those things.
UNTIL NEXT TIME

 

[laclongquan]

Damn game is too generous with empty space and too miserly with font size~ Not a good idea in my book.

 

[Baron Dupek]

lol at installing PoR on the anything else than Virtual PC...
Font size bad? I've seen worse (Sacred2, Soulbringer, recent examples).

 

[Filthy Sauce]

The Orc Fairgrounds

Last time we left off, our party was on a quest to locate the source of the manly screams. It doesn't take long to find it- Just east of the zombie tree house we find a hollowed out structure containing a Wal-Mart Wagon and two homeless bums loitering. The man inside the shop calls for security as our heroes attempt to navigate the parking lot in hopes they don't get raped or mugged.

One of the bums asks Cassidy for coinage. This causes Cassidy to snap and murder them in cold blood. Wal-Mart has been cleansed for today, but more will flock to the area. Neighboring home ownes will still cry of lowered property values. Nothing changes.

The shopkeeper Nottle gives us the word of power to open the secret door way back in the starting area. Before we head back however, the party decides to check out some more of the ruins.

Just outside, to the the east, the party comes across a stone arch blocked off by a boulder. The guarding orcs gush about a phat loot drop they have obtained. Cassidy demands that they surrender the loot, but they reveal a plan on selling it via online auction hall. Afraid of inflation and other economy problems this could cause, the party attacks.

Crooked Bee finds the auction hall's deposit money stashed between the orc's buttcheeks. Everyone turns away in disgust. Where is the fabled treasure?

Cassidy smashes the boulder, her tiny, weak female muscles flexing and contracting. Azira can smell the testosterone and gets enraged, making a stupid tactical mistake the next turn.

Inside the ruins is an Orc Leader and his son. They are roasting marshmallows and talking about Macaulay Culkin.

The son drops his marshmallow in the fire, causing his father to go into a murderous rage. After slicing his son's throat, he charges at the heroes. Azira, like an idiot, stands in front of the party and gets his unarmored ass cut. The orc leader goes apeshit at the thought of an orcish wizard and starts bitchslapping Azira. After showing Azira his place, the Orc Leader turns his rage on RK47. The party can not land a blow. It is at this point in time that I realize I don't know how the attacks of opportunity work in this game. Sometimes they trigger, sometimes they don't. In a desperate attempt to get a front line formed, the party pulls back to the entrance. Crooked Bee lands a sneak attack (I'm not sure how these work either. They seem random) and the battle is won.

In a chest by the cooking pot we find the treasure- A ring +1 for RK47 and a Hammer +1 for Cassidy. Easily the best loot by far. Maybe the Orcs have more?

Being greedy and soulless, the party continues further into Orcish territory, encountering a large stone bridge connected to a hilltop. Up on the bridge, 2 Orcs discuss the latest in gimp fashion. There seems to be no way up there. The Heroes debate going under the bridge but worry about ranged attacks, hypodermic needles, and human feces. Crooked Bee is the only one with decent ranged abilities to fight back, so the team decides to pull back for now. Time to use that Word of Power.

On the way back, the team takes a different route and discovers a lone tower with a treasure chest inside. Crooked Bee takes this as a sign from Jesus and runs in to receive the holy gift.

Its a trap! When the chest opens, skeletons wearing kippahs spring from the ground. Fortunately RK47 knows the 'Summon U.S. Dollars' spell and everyone leaves the encounter with fat pockets. Time to see whats in the chest.

Ring +1 and a Star of David necklace. RK47 kisses the necklace and puts it on. Crooked Bee attempts to grab the ring, but RK47 quickly snatches that too.

We REALLY should get back and use the Word of Power, but there are so many ruins and building to explore. More jew gold to be acquired. Here, the Heroes find a strange staircase leading up to a stone platform. Theres nothing up there, but 2 orcs attempt a cunning ambush, attacking from the very stairs we traveled. There is no escape.

This might be the end ... I'm going to have to look at some guides and walkthroughs for this fight. I tried using a character trainer and I got a virus. Also... there was no loot in that chest by the tree. I sent an e-mail to ubisoft about it, so hopefully they can fix it in the next patch.

 

[Azira]

 

[The Decline]

You know you're in for a treat when the title screen bears more than a passing resemblance to goat.se

 

[CryptRat]

When I read "blind", I thought you would play the game with the bug which makes all characters invisible (last time I installed the game they were invisible). Now I'm disappointed.

 

[felipepepe]

BRO TIP: install the Speed Control Ultility to speed up the combat. Otherwise, a single group of undead will take like 1 minute just to walk each turn.

Also, the first dungeon is massive and the worst part of the game. The LP might get interesting once you reach Myth Drannor per se, but until then... good luck, abandoned at page 3.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

The Bridge

Last time we left off, our Heroes where about to face certain death by the hands of orcs. Fortunately, the orcs were heavy smokers, and they died from asthma attacks before they got to the top of the stairs. My brother died from asthma when he was 11.

Heading back down the stairs, the party notices other structures on the other side of the southern wall which borders these meadows. The group hugs the south wall, trying to find a way into the ancient city. Thinking the bridge they encountered earlier might lead the way in, they double back and investigate. Avoiding the Orc bowmen lurking above, they follow the base of the bridge only to discover that its incomplete. We will find many incomplete things in this game. At any rate, this allows the party to detour around the bridge and avoid getting shot. I had to do this when I lived in L.A.

With a whole new area to explore, the Heroes frolic about the green pastures unmolested. Cassidy and Crooked Bee discover a staircase with an angry orc. I don't know how to tell you guys this.... well... the Orc died.

Oh shit. The orc on the bridge is now pissed. He lands a shot on Cassidy. Fortunately the stairs allow us to get up top. Can they make it on time? Or will Cassidy be pelted to death like Tupac Shakur?

Cassidy, Azira and RK47 charge the bridge. The Orc remembers an embarrassing moment in his life when he dropped a jar of pickles at the grocery store.

Crooked Bee stays on ground level, with bow equipped, but cant figure out how line of sight works. THATS (firaxis's) XCOM BABY.

The battle is over, but the party can no longer move! In case you cant read it, the message window reads. "CASSIDY - YOU MUST GATHER YOUR PARTY TO MOVE ONWARDS" I like how the game calls out the player by name. It amuses me for some reason.

"CROOKED BEE- YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM THE PARTY LEADER" By the way, theres nothing on the bridge.

On the way back down, the party finds a loot pile on the stairs. The Orc guard must of dropped it. Longbow +1 Arrows +1. Crooked Bee takes them- where they will sit unused in her inventory for the entire game... Just like potions and scrolls. You don't need them and you never will use them... but you just GOTTA keep them, clogging up your inventory.

Running further across the wide, empty fields, we come to the edge of the ruins. A large door with 2 Orc Leaders standing guard comes into view. So far that makes 3 Leaders I've encountered. Why do the orcs need so many? Must be election season. The orcs, sensing voter support, advance.

The debate begins. The candidates start discussing foreign policies. Azira wants no part and brings up a sound proof barrier.

Second discussion is about economy. RK47 gets pissed and freezes an Orc, right as he had his mouth wide open to eat a sausage. Pictures are taken, captions are made, Twitter explodes. This orc will lose the election.

RK47 blows up the other Orcs head. He is a communist that hates democracy. Cassidy (blue) nearly dies from boredom.

They loot the Orcs blue ball. Easily the best treasure gained so far. Finding no way to open the door, the party FINALLY decides to go use Nottles word of power and see what that strange structure at the starting area holds.


I'll save you guys the backtracking. Next time we get plot, level-ups and we enter the infamously bad dungeon. I cant wait.

 

[Azira]

Yeah, this game seems to be so gud.

 

[Space Insect]

Is this game really as bad as everyone says it is? I've heard of it wiping your hard drive when you uninstall it, but it doesn't seem that bad so far from this let's play.

 

[Baron Dupek]

Is this game really as bad as everyone says it is? I've heard of it wiping your hard drive when you uninstall it, but it doesn't seem that bad so far from this let's play.

It's fucking slow. Still - play only with VirtualPC softwares just to be sure.
There is speedup hack, which turn the game into average, mediocre cRPG. Call it PoE for a buck.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

Dungheaps & Shagbuns 5 Edition

During our last update, we had finished exploring what could only can described as the City Park of Myth Drannor. Finding the only exit, a large door stuck in stone and brambles, sealed shut. With only one option left, the group finally heads back to the strange structure they found when they first arrived at this hell hole. Using the super secret word of power the got from the Shopkeeper, Nottle, a ladder rolls down. The word is "Tam-Tamak." This is Elvish for "The Blue Oyster bar". RK47 declares "I hear they have a great salad bar!" Nobody replies because nobody got the reference. RK47 suddenly feels old.

Inside the structure is a Mr. Exposition-Man and a spunky elf girl with attitude. As with giant rats and sewers, a true staple of any good RPG. Ive already stated the plot but here is it: You have to find the Pool of Radiance in the Ruins of Myth Drannor. It may seem like I'm glossing over the story here, but I'm not. So far this has been it. The couple do mention some more interesting tidbits about the dungeon; Theres a main hall, 2 upper levels, and one lower. Orcs, Lizards and undead. There was another creature mentioned but Ive never heard of it and forgot what it was. They party learns another word of power to open the large bramble door, and everyone gains a level.

Cassidy - 1 Cleric, 1 Fighter
Crooked Bee - 1 Rouge, 1 Fighter
Azira - 1 Sorcerer, 1 Fighter
RK47 - 1 Sorcerer, 1 Cleric

The team heads back to the sealed door on the other side of the meadows and uses the word to gain access. The word is "Alahnmalam,bhdkfj" Had to guess on that one because the text in this game is impossible to read. Ignore any inconsistencies with this screenshot/ PCs equipped weapons. I took this screenshot out of order, after I cleared the first room in the dungeon. I'm putting as much effort into this LP as the developers did in the game's design.

The first room of the dungeon! As soon as we enter, we are attacked by Orcs. Crooked Bee gets bored, and knowing that there are going to be 2000 identical rooms like this, attempts suicide. Only by the counseling and cure light wounds of RK47 can she possibly survive.

After the battle, the party examines the room. There was a great struggle here long ago, perhaps dating back to 2001. The decayed remains of beta testers liter the north side of the room. It looks like they attempted to build a barrier to keep players from going any further. The dead orc near the entrance has a hammer with 'Ubisoft' engraved in the shaft. It appears the Orc managed to bash down a part of barricade before the soul was sucked from his body.

We loot the room. I dont show it but we find 3 keys in this room. Find more and more keys. Jesus. Better loot is a Short Sword +1 for Crooked Bee, a sling +2 for RK47 and a standard Great Warhammer for Azira. Cassidy gets the keys. Cassidy suggests switching loot options to Round Robin.

Believing the pile of dried up corpses near the north door to be a bad omen, the party decides to go down the east hall instead. Only a few yards down they are attacked by an Orc partol. The orcs use a combo of melee and ranged attacks. We will require both skill and cunning to survive.

Azira has neither and he dies. The Orc assailant suddenly reconizes Azira as his son. The halls echo with the screams of anguish.

The hallway turns south and our Heroes combat some undead. Some people here have suggested I use a speed mod. I will not do that. The 15 minute long wait as a zombie waddles towards you, then one shotting a PC, is a major focus of this game. It would be like removing all story elements from Planescape: Torment.

The hall opens up. We find a small enclave with a healing fountain. Cassidy drinks wounds away. The party considers back tracking to find a place to rest, as they have not camped yet. At the bottom right you can see the camp icon. If its red- no rest, green you can, and yellow random encounter is possible. Sort of odd is that when you gain spells through level up, they are already memorized which prolonged the need to rest. The party decided to continue because they like the pain and suffering.

Continuing south, the party encounters a split in the road. On the left, Bethesda fanboys, on the right Bioware fanatics. There is no escape from this hell.

 

[Azira]

I returned from the dead! Lo and behold, I am a Revenant!

 

[Baron Dupek]

This looks so good I might make new virtual machine to play it with speed-up patch.
I beaten ToEE twice, will test my might with it.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

THE AXHANDLE INN

Last time we left off, our Heroes where on a collision course with John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr. The party cant remember who's alive and who's dead, so they just kill everyone just to be safe. Crooked Bee faints during the encounter and nearly dies. The party takes her back to the healing fountain to splash the cold water on her face.

That encounter took forever. It wasnt the zombies walking speed, either. Here, let me post the combat log. I'll also include this cool load screen to enhance the experience.

MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS -HIT- MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS -HIT- MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS -HIT- MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS HIT MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS MISS -HIT-

Heading down the hall, further south, the Party comes across a room literally iced over. Cassidy bashes the layer of ice blocking the doorway and they enter. Nothing in here but piles of bath salts and high school kids trippin the fuck out.

One of the boys takes his clothes off and proceeds to chew on his own dick. Whoever supplied these kids must pay. The Heroes nod in agreement. Its time to clean the streets of Myth Drannor... Steven Seagal style. Cassidy steals the kids clothes for a +1 AC buff. The sword is poo.

The group crosses the street westward, finding a shady looking establishment called "The Axhandle Inn" This must be where those poor, innocent children got that disgusting shit stash. The Party prepares for entry. This is it- Time to shine, boys- cuz theres no turnin back. To calm the nervs, each Hero recites their favorite Steven Seagal quote.

Cassidy:
"My CIA godfather told me he'd never heard any American speak Japanese so well."


Crooked Bee:
"I was born in Detroit, in an all black neighborhood."


Azira:
"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."


RK47:
"I want to make a movie that can grab people by the heartstrings."

It turns out the place is just a gay bar... Or is it? No Boyz II Men playing on the stereo... Something is not right. Investigation is in order.

The lobby leads to two rooms. Checking out the southern room, the Party finds a Tavern and a "Tavern Barrel Labeled 3"

Got to be serious here. This is so fucking stupid. When I drank this (originally had Cassidy drink it) It was easy to figure out that it was a CON buff. Wasnt sure if it was temp or permanent so I looked it up online. Its perma. Okay, fine. What blew my mind was the name on the barrel. I thought it was an oversight from the devs, like a default object tag or something, but no- Its the real deal, and apparently theres more barrels like this with numbers 1-6. The number represents each stat, in order, on the character sheet. Top stat being 1 (STR) while bottom being 6 (CHR). Maybe this was supposed to be a riddle but it strikes me as lazy shit.

Could have made some creative names that suggested what stat it was increasing. I used a Drink Name Generator I found online, and in 5 seconds came up with these.

Sugary Horror (Dex)
Hot Sunrise (CHR)
Chestnut Bruiser (CON)
Cucumber Slapper (STR)
Incredible Eye (INT)
Imaginary Buzzer (WIS)

At any rate, I reloaded and had Crooked Bee drink it for a +1 CON. Also gave her RK47's amulet for another +1 Con, giving her a little HP boost.

North Room is the bed and breakfast area. The party considers sleeping here, but some loud mouth orc next door will not shut the fuck up. Azira goes to the lobby to make a complaint to the innkeeper, but suddenly remembers he killed him.

Getting sick of the constant interruptions, Cassidy busts through the door, but instead of finding another bedroom, she finds a crackhouse! Dozens of orcs lined up along tables, snorting and trading the valuable commodity. You cant see any powder in the screenshot- In a fear that the intruders where cops, they snorted the entire stash before I could screencap it.

This is it! The Axhandle Inn is only a front! The Heroes charge in- Justice will be served!
But wait! Whats this? No... It can't be. Words cant describe what I'm seeing here, folks.

The orc that snorted the biggest pile sneezes in Cassidy's face. She DIES instantly from overdose! The HORROR!!!

Azira DEAD! Oh fuck man NO! Why did he have to wear a pizza slice as a thong? The crackheads ripped him apart!

Crooked Bee?! WHY GOD WHY! She surrendered, and was shot up with meth! She now must spend her final drug fueled days as a slave. Her assigned job is to keep all of the Orcs VHS tapes rewound and in working order.

RK47, reduced to 1 HP, runs off screaming down the dark hallways, further into the dungeon. A rescue team finds his remains 5 years later, on the final level of the dungeon, in a secret room, just 2 halls away from the final boss. For some reason he is naked, laying face down, and has a pebble stuck in his butt.

Screencap of the gameover video. Easily the worse Ive seen. Theres a dragon creature thing hiding in the darkness that says something like:
"Child, the adventurers are dead"
and the lady says seductively:
"Mmmmm... Good... Gooooooood"
Then a fade out with dramatic music. Ive never seen anything so retarded.



Well... Party wipe #1. Next time the Power of RELOAD. Either we will skip that area or I will actually REST and go full gusto with spells and see if that makes a difference.

 

[Azira]

That was fun.

 

[Filthy Sauce]

BILL COSBY

Last time we left off, our Heroes drank Myth Drannor tap water and died. They are now trapped in Hell- forced to complete this game. The party rests safely, and a nice cutscene plays. Ive always wondered how adventures rest in dungeons and now I know. Cant tell if the mage is memorizing spells or trying to seduce his party members.

Now fully rested, the party has a second go at the orc hideout. RK47 offers his body to jesus and the party gets divine favor. He then offers his body to satan, and the orcs are damned. The other heroes ask him if hes OK with this. With dark rings under his eyes, he nods. The party proceeded to kill the orcs in an awkward silence.

The fight goes fair. Easily the biggest fight by far. Everyone suffers some pot shots while Cassidy gets jabbed with a hundred orcish blades. Might want to use your shield there, bro. The hideout is a large room with a ton of tables scattered around. Azira, who has OCD issues, spends much time rubbing his hand over the surface of each table. Cassidy finds a boarded up enclave west side of the room. Bashing the blockade down, Crooked Bee discovers and examines 4 treasure chests. One requires a key (which we dont have) and the others are filled with mostly standard weapons. A Hammer +1 is taken by Azira.

East corner of the room contains 2 fountains. One is completely dry, while the other is a 'Nearly Dry' Restoration fountain. Cassidy drinks it, and glows piss yellow. Nothing else happens as far as I can tell. We also run back to the Fountain of Healing, out in the hallway, to heal Cassidy since healing spells in this game suck.

North side of the large room, Crooked Bee finds a secret door! The sign reads "The Bill Cosby House" Who is Bill Cosby? And whats he hiding back there?

Inside, the group finds a ghastly sight, 2 women drugged and sprawled upon a pair of stained beds. What kind of sick bastard would do this? The party takes advantage of the incapacitated girls- stealing their belongings.

They find a key what appears to be either BBC condoms or small dwarf shields. Crooked Bee and RK47 each take one.

At the far end on the room, the party spots some huge kegs, undoubtedly filled with Roofie Coladas. Before the heroes can lay down and wrap their lips around the tap, some creepy black man darts from the shadows and attempts to touch Crooked Bee. He dies from a heart attack before he can reach the party. Enough with this Bill Cosby shit. If anyone is still reading this garbage- sorry.

In the Kegs are healing salves and Potions of Power. Cosby must have needed these to... NO!!! STOP!!! No more! Just no, man.

Last corner of the room... BARRELS. Yes, the numbered barrels again. This time we have 1 for each stat available. I dont remember who got what, but I pretty much just evened out some odd numbers that I had during character creation. This is it for the Axhandle Inn area. Lets get the fuck out of here before I kill myself. JESUS this took too long.

Not kidding. What you see here on this map is pretty much the ground Ive covered in this and last update. The set of rooms to the left is the Axhandle inn area. You can even see the secret door Crooked Bee discovered highlighted in red, which is nice. The circular room to the right is the iced over room I found last update. A nice feature is that I can add labels to the map. I got the iced location labeled as "Bath Salt Kids" Im not sure If I'll have to return there or not. Maybe I can melt the ice blocks? Before leaving the Inn, we use the key to unlock the last chest in the corner. Hammer + 2 upgrade for Cassidy.

We head further south grits and gravy shut my mouth. Got no idea whats going on here. Right in the middle of the hallway, some sort of strange alter with 3 dead purple orcs. The party attempts to loot them... er, I mean... Give them a proper burial, when a black creature, like the one we encountered at the inn, jumps up from the corpse pile. These are called Shadows, and they walk in the most creepy 'I'm gonna molest you' style animation I have ever seen in a game. The last one we fought didnt hit us, but had a lot of HP. I'm sure we can handle this one too.

What the hell was that? Cassidy suddenly explodes in a geyser of piss. Its a good contrast to the brown Ive been staring at for the past hour. The shadow manages to lay in a few hits, it dosnt seem to do any HP damage, but drains Cassidy's STR.

OH WOW. LOOK AT WHAT IT DROPPED. A WAND OF RESTORATION. LOL. No seriously. This is dumb. Anyway, fuck this.. We are still nearby that 'near dry' Fountain of Restoration. Hopefully Cassidy didnt drink all of it last time we where there. Considering how much shes been pissing, I wouldnt be surprised.

The fountain still works.
Cassidy still wont give up the one ring.
Azira still has a flying neon jellyfish trying to eat his head.
Crooked Bee still doesnt know how backstab works in this game.
RK47 is still shit. Who would have thought a dwarf wizard would suck?

NEXT TIME: More brown I guess.

 

[Azira]

Well, I'm entertained.

 

[Shaewaroz]

I still don't get it why people dislike this game so much - to me it captures the tabletop RPG atmosphere better than any other CRPG out there. Combat system has some flaws, but if you can overlook them, the game is definitely worth your time.

 

[Baron Dupek]

Maybe that's the advantage of screenshot LP that the most tedious parts are not visible, but yeah - game looks great.

 

[Azira]

to me it captures the tabletop RPG atmosphere better than any other CRPG out there.

Even ToEE?

 

[Shaewaroz]

to me it captures the tabletop RPG atmosphere better than any other CRPG out there.

Even ToEE?

Yea. I don't care much for ToEE.

 

[felipepepe]

to me it captures the tabletop RPG atmosphere better than any other CRPG out there.

Kill your GM.