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Never played this beauty before but after reading the manual and spending an hour mucking about it seems awesome.
Gonna play it ironman so expecting to DIE HORRIBLY in some shafur dispray. No reloads, LP ends if main dude dies.
Oh, and speaking of main dude:
Default dude is a fag so I recruited a cop right off the bat, gave him Tom Jetland's .22 and flak jacket and dismissed im.
So what kinda faget would insert himself into his own LP? THIS GUY! Look at me! I'm the captain now!
: "...so we're keeping your ship until you can compensate us for the damage and loss of our mining equipment. With interest, of course! Fortunately, Paramount Mining is always hiring Trans-Newtonian miners..."
: "Ah look like sum stinkin' miner to you? Gimme a freakin break! I wuz a SPACE COP for eight years!"
: "Ah, yes." *types a few commands into his console, glances at his screen* "Luna PD - Dishonorably removed from service. Complaints: drinking on duty, police brutality, coerced confessions, sexual misconduct, witness tampering, off-duty misconduct, killing dogs unjustly..."
: "Dey set me up!"
: "I'm sure. But hey, don't sweat it! There's always free-lance bounty hunting for people like you!" *smiles and clasps his fat fingers together over his mound of stomach* "As a matter of fact, we do have rather an unusual situation here on Titan. We've lost contact with our newest project, the city of Proscenium. Because of the gravity of the matter, we Controllers are offering a handsome reward to the first party who discovers why the comm-links went down. Enough credit to reclaim your ship from customs, and then some! Sound interesting?"
: "Seems simple enough, I'll do it."
: "If it were simple, we wouldn't be offering so large a lump of credits. You'll need assistance getting to Proscenium ... and more than a little luck. Personally, I doubt if you have the intelligence or the intestinal fortitude to succeed. Titan is no paradise. In any case - a good hunt to you!"
: "Gregz, what a fag. And mule work, huh!" *spits* "Well I guess a little yehzah wudin hurt. Need sum proper gear like yesteryear!"
: *a few brews later* "...yuh think you had it hard, huh. Well lemme tell ya, ah finally got mah own ship, cuntract set up, the works! Din get no pilot, cuz mah old man told me: "never trust dem fucks, they gon crash you on some shithole!" Well ho! Off ah go an' ONE littul mishap and mah damn fuel tank went bust rite in the uppah atmosphere of Titan. What cudd ah do? Had to jettison the damn cargo to save mah skin, that's wat. But the suitists, dey blame ME! Dey TUK mah ship..."
***hours later***
: *wakes up, looks around* "W-well hey, anyway - LISTEN UP ya FAGETS! Ah need a couple a volunteerz for sum merc work off da books. Won't be pretty, but there's a YUGE bonaz waitin for us at the end of it! Ya'll gitta be TOUGH tho. No womyn, no homo. Dem's da rules. So who with me?
Need a follower or two, so sign the fuck up. Game won't let me get a yuge party right away, it's a gradual thing I think. Power dudes are superior, but if you wanna fuck me in the ass, go make some shit dude like a miner or merchant. If you die, null sweat, I'll just run away and take your credstick.
lightbane - head bashed to goo by a hobo
MercantileInterest - shot to pieces by Latro's shitty .22
Circuit - Brains blown out by Kalin's .45
: "Fuck em! More bonaz for me. Now... Where da fuk am ah." *taps Blip-Boy wrist computer, nothing happens*
: "Damn chinky knock-off!" *slams wrist into the wall a few times*
: "Much betta! Alrite, forgot wat Gregz said already, so ima hit da gym, git a propa gun and a nitestick.... The hell? Can't see shit on diz. Map as you go? Screw that!"
: *curses and fumbles through the Visitor's Guide to Titan* "If ya want to do it rite, do it ol' skool."
Primus: This is the first city constructed on Primus and is the pride and joy of Paramount Mining, Inc. Despite heavy criticism from Earth's leaders as to the dangers of indigenous life-forms, the company proved that a city could not only be built on Titan but could also be made almost 100% secure. This city in particular retains much of the pioneer spirit of its original settlers.
100% huh. Sounds legit.
Alrite, A for Armory, and there's one just down south.
Can stop by the gym on the way down there.
: "Gotta maintain the gainz!"
: "Heheh, sup babe! I wanna LIFT! Feel free to check me out!" *winks and attempts to flex*
: "The fugg! I'm swole ok! Whatevah!"
Guessing I need to level up first or something
: "Ey bitch, watcha staring at? Disrespectin' a police officah is a serious crime! Gimme ya credstick so I can fine you!"
: "My badge? I don need no stinkin' badge! Whuz dat- 'Fuck me?' FUCK YOU!"
: "Ain't no womyn talk to me like dat!"
: "Say hello to mah littul friend!"
: "YEAH! Not so tough now ar-"
: "SHIT!" *grabs gut and stumbles back*
: "Gotta git some distance...!" *wheezes*
: "YEAH BITCH!"
: "FUUUUGH!!"
: "N-not dyin like THIS!"
: *runs feebly then turns around and aims the .22* "DIE BITCH!"
: *MISSES* "Mutha...!!"
: "PHEW! *wipes brow* "Crazy bitch! Alrite, waz she got..."
: "WAT! NO MONEY!?"
: "Got diz weapon off da street at least, doin mah part, heheh. Shud fetch sum gud yehzah."
: *after a LONG wait* "Patch me up ya hacks, ima bleedin' out here!"
: "Much bettah! Well hey here it is..."
: "Where da guns at? Munitions shop?? Aah well, need some battle armah as well, nearly died out there! Huh? Oh, ah fought off a buncha hoodlums. They had guns, I only had this." *flashes knife* "Now show me what ya got and remember the cop's discunt."
: "......"
: "Screw this, gonna find this munishuns place, but first ah need more creds. Damn butcher shop wasn't cheap!"
: "Some fucker better sign up this time, someone with CREDS..." *powah walks into the place*
(Totally how it went down, ok!)
: "Alrite listen up! I'm a COP, but not here to bust ya. Nah, gon need some deputies for a littul freelancing, ya feel? Yuge BONAZ for the rite dudes!
So what's it gonna be huh? Nearly died to a GIRL so back a bro up already.
: "I'm a merchant, my friend! With me on the team, you'll be swimming in credit in no-time!"
: "I like money. And cashflow is tighter than mah man-vault rite now. But thing is, ya gotta pull yo weight. I can't have no wuss in the squad!"
: "Forgot to mention: I'm a blademaster. Trained with the masters in New Kyoto!"
: "NO SHIT! Well alrite then, yer HIRED! Oh yah, ninja-man, whas the name again?"
: "They call me lightbane, boss!"
: "Yeah? Well ima call u LIGHT Bane! Hehehehe, geddit?
: "......"
: "Cuz ur light weight!"
: "......"
: "Tough crowd tonite! Well, anyway!"
: "What a schmuck. And hey, you don't look like forty ya know, more like fourteen!"
: "Thanks boss! I try to stay in shape."
: "Hrmmmm... Well, whatevah, here's your starting gear, deputy!" *hands over the pocket knife*
: "I wasted five thugs with this baby like 2 seconds ago, so I expect double from a master of the blade."
: "Now since we're sharing an all, gimme some creds will ya?"
: "No can do boss. I mean hey, I'd love to, but I just don't know you well enough. Give it some time, ok!"
: "Muthafugg-"
***stuff happens***
: "Finally made it! Only walked through half da base."
: "Good SIR, I'm in need of some superior firepowah, this thing rite here, it's useless!" *points to the shoddy .22 pistol*
: "Boss, if I may, they say Cybil is looking fo-"
: "GUNNY BUSINESS FIRST!"
: "Sweet Krizto! My good ol' service weapon! Don't suppose I get a space cop discunt? No?"
: "Didun think so. Whuh!? 46 creds for my old gun?! you rippin' me off man! What? I said it was useless? W-well..."
: "Boss, please, allow me. I'm a Merchant after all." *engages in master haggling*
***30 seconds later***
: "Nope, still 46! Ah well." *sells the .22 pistol*
: "Merchant mah ass, yer fuckin' useless kiddo! Now gimme dem creds!"
: "Baby steps, boss! Baby steps. But hey, if you want some quick cash I know a place just around the corner."
: "Like wat, yer mum's twat?"
: "Even better! Trust me ok!"
: "Heheheh, not bad kid! Might not bash yer head in after all. Ima give diz a shot."
: "Gotta bet BIG to WIN BIG! Oh yeah baby!"
: "......"
: "Sucks to be you! But hey, if you need a high interest loan I know just the guy..."
: "YOU! ME! OUT!"
: "You got sum nerve kid, you know that? Well, I'm sick of yer shit!"
: "But boss, I-"
: "SHUT IT! Playtime is ovah! Bossman needs credits and I need 'em yesteryear! See those cunts in the alley?"
: "Bunch of filthy bums, some kids. What about them?"
: "Git to work and skin me dem cunts! I want their goodies!"
: "Wait wha-"
: "BADA BING! COME GIT SUM!"
: "FUCKING HELL MAN!"
: "Fack u doin, deputy! Do yer part, slice an dice dem bitches!"
: "I might've slightly embellished my resum-"
: "B-boss!" *groans and goes down*
: "Run for it, kiddo! Keep 'em busy while I finish this schmuck!"
: "Batting for da wrong team!" *blasts another round*
: "BOOM BITCH! Won't be long now kiddo!"
: "B-bossman... H-halp... Q-quick.."
: "Good riddance! ALRIGHT DEPUTY DOUCHE! HERE CUMS DA CAVAL-"
: *SPLAT*
: "Sheeeeeeeit!" *unloads the clip at the bums*
: "Man, those scrubs were poorer than I am! Hey kiddo, ya alrite? Bro?"
: "Well light weight, I better hold on to these for ya!" *pockets the credstick* "Don't worry, I might even spend a bunch to fix ya rite up!"
: "Whaaat! Who ever died from a little skull-bashing? What a wuss! Well hey, buy the body then? Fresh you know! No?"
: "Can't blame a guy for tryin. Patch me up at least, and gimme some bandages. Alrite, c'mon kid."
***hauls bane back to the munitions store***
: "Good sir! Recently came into some money, so let me see your finest nightstick! Cudgel section, huh? Reminds me of an old pal in the force, great guy. Got a littul carried away with the cavity searches, but- huh, what? PULSE PROD? Why yes, it does look luvley. Take it for a test swing? Oh my..."
: "Had to be done! Oh yeah, smashed-skull here said sumthin about some chick..."
: "HELL YEAH BABY!"
: "Uh-huh."
: "Nah I got it! I'm on the job!"
***an hour later***
: *stuffs lightbane's corpse into a recycling tank chute* "Man, ah need a drink!"
: "Alrite, let's recap. Got a new gun and this power prod, doubled my creds, and some dumb bitch gave me a thousand yids for doin jack shit."
: "Not bad for a day's work! Gotta find anutha deputy though..." *sweeps bottle*
Welp, my test run was short, but with the leadership I had, that was to be expected. Where are the pics from btw?
Also: Merchants better at combat than finances, scientists good at everything including combat, surprisingly ferocious citizens... Truly, this is a wild west IN SPACE! out there.
: *sweeps his drink* "Alrite deputy, move it! We're off for sum self-improvement!"
: "But we haven't discussed the sala-"
: "CHOP CHOP BITCH!"
: "SUP BABE! Gonna refine mah skillz with this little thingy rite here." *pats the 9mm*
: "THE FUCK!? And thas NOT mah weapon!"
: "Just a safety precaution, boss. Questions only citizens can answer filters out terrorists, nomads and the likes."
: "Safety mah ass! Wazz stoppin em from simply readin' diz shoddy booklet?"
: "Well... You've got a point there."
: "Damn straight ah do! Alrite, lemme see..." *flips through pages of the Titan Citizen's Handbook*
***two hours later***
: "FOUND IT!"
: "Diz betta work!"
: *One INTENSE space cop shootout scenario later* "Aced the test! Ima pro now!"
One tiny little blip ahead. Levelling up in this game is gonna take forever!
: "Alrite, we done here! C'mon deputy, time to hit mah favourite place in this joint!"
: "Boss, I think he means to trouble us!"
: "Fuuuuuu... Yer unarmed, and mah 9mm won't cut it. Gon play it cool. Just look natural - uh... casual."
: "MUTHAFUCK- RUN FOR IT!!"
: *wipes the sweat of his face* "Phew! Alrite, juice us up pal! Smith & Wesson Model 686 for me and mah deputy here!"
: "Hey, much obliged, sir, really appr-"
: "Fuck you cunt! Ya pay for diz outta yer own damn pockit! Ain't gon git nuthin for free on this ride!"
: *grumbles and pays* "Well, I do need protection. But hey, about my pay-"
: "NO TIME! We got shit to do!" *holsters the magnum and walks out*
Yeah you guessed it - Paramount Mining's Titanian Paradise is such an utter totalitarian shithole a manly man can't even purchase guns above his skill level. Nah, first you must prove you can handle them, based on proficiency simulation at the Combat Centre. THEN you must have security authorization, and yeah, I have NO idea where to get that.
Fortunately, hand gun training isn't restricted to controller agents, so both my dude and scrawny Circuit can use the rank 3 handgun now! And what a gun it is! Perfect space cop service weapon if ever I saw one...
: "Back to the longue, boss? But I thought we-"
: "Culty, do you ever SHUT UP? Ain't trustin yo scrawny ass for shits, so ima need anutha deputy!"
: *orders a triple xenofungal whisky, downs it and does the good old sales pitch all over again*
: "Sup bro, heard you're looking for skilled individuals, yeah? Hefty BONUS from Paramount Mining Inc, right? Well hey, name's Azira, and trust me on this, I'm your man!"
: "No homo tho, ah hope! So wat yah do exactly?"
: "I'm a... Freelance doctor. Yeah! Graduated top of my class. Worked for 20 years at John Hopkins Hospital in Kwanzania, then I... Uh, retired early to see the world. Yeah!"
: *pretends to read the summary* "Checks out! We could always use a proper meduk on da team."
: "Sir, if I may, I'm clearly the better medic, this guy is just some crim-"
: "YOU MAY NOT! Anything else ya gud at, doc?"
: "Sure, I'm an excellent marksman to boot! Can handle a blade as well if I have to, and not a stranger to melee. Plus, I've got connections all over. Great gambler as well!"
: "NO SHIT! How ya manage all diz stuff anyway?"
: "What can I say? I'm a pro!"
: *mumbles* "A fellow professhunal..."
: "Yer HIRED! Let's git ya deputized and properly snazzed up!"
***more walking***
: "Gotta beef up! Pick whatevah weapon you want, deputy! My treat."
: "Hey, thanks man, that's really g-"
: "Pay with yer own credstick though!"
: "...generous."
: "Alright, this should come in handy. But you better pay me my share of that huge bonus, really strapped for cash you know, got a few debt collectors on my ass."
: "Dude, I'd worry moar about dat girly littul thingy ya call a gunny. What are ya, a tranny? Some littul space jew? Heheheh..."
: "What? Th-"
: "LISTEN UP, ROOKIE! Thought ya were a PRO, but manly men such as myself here, we use proper power weapons to cause dominating carnage! Like diz beauty, rite here!" *shows the Pulse Prod* "Or diz one, here!" *pats his holster* "...an' of course, like diz bad boy, rite here!" *grabs crotch emphatically!*
: "Kinda saw that coming... But hey, it's act-"
: "Yah yah! ENOUGH PLAY! Grab yer pea shooter, it's time to test the hardware, yeh!"
: "So... Back to the combat training centre again, boss? We just keep running in circles..."
: "Nah, we gonna train old skool diz time. Follow me."
***after some roaming about***
: "BINGO! *pulls out the magnum* "Space cop coming thru! Gimme yo stuff or ya gonna git sum bullets!"
: "Huh? 'Fuck off?' ya say? NO U FUCK OFF!" *fires into the crowd*
: "H-hey, I didn't sign up for this! In fact, I didn't sign *anything* ye-"
: "Shaddap rookie! FALL IN LINE! Got a bunch of violent rioters comin' rite for us!"
: "Scrubs, stay near me and ya'll be fine! Watch an' learn!"
: "BADA BING!"
: *unleashes another round of burst-fire*
: "........."
: *smirks*
: *grabs pocket knife* "Must've been a fluke! Beginner's luck, that's all. Less do it again!"
: "HEY HEY HEEEEEY!" *pulls out magnum, opens fire, then ducks behind cover*
: "Diz snazzy tactic ah developed myself! Ah call it: hide behind da wall, shoot 'em as dey pop up."
: "Very impressive, boss. Don't think anyone ever thought about that before..."
: "Ah know rite! Yer lucky yer with me! Ok, git ready... Here dey come!" *aims magnum*
: "MUTHAFUCKA!"
: "Heheh. Not bad for a girly jew weapon, eh?"
: "FUCK YOU! Ima smash these proles like ah did durin' da Luna riots!" *pulls out the Pulse Prod*
: "NO ONE FIRES! THESE SCHMUCKS ARE MINE! *swings and misses*
: "FUUUGGH!" *swings and misses again, takes another hit between the ribs*
: "Sorry boss! Couldn't let them waste ya!"
: "Fukin... H-hell...!"
: "...ah can't believe it!"
: "That I'm better than you?" *chuckles*
: "...W-what!? No! FUCK NO! This thing was badly calubraided, alright! Faulty product - can't believe the crap they pass off as proper prole-smashin' equipment in this hellhole... A-anyway, grab da frickin' loot will ya!"
: "Boss, I'd like to, but it's all... Junk! A bat, some crappy knives, rubber hos..."
: "Could go for a rubber ho rite now! Geddit?"
: "......"
: "...seriously."
: "Hehehehe-" *groans and winces in pain* "F-fuk, patch me up alreaduh..."
: "Would if I could boss, but I kinda forgot my medkit back at Uni! Maybe hit the clinic for now? Unless you got a spare sock or two?"
: "B-bloody hell! Clinic it iz then..."
***a few steps later***
: "S-sup guize! Just passin' thru. We don want no trouble, ok!"
: "Uh... Guize?"
: "Sheeeeeeit!" *limps off at amazing speed*
: *falls unto the counter* "S-sup miss saucy! Don mind da blood. Bandages, on the double! Chop chop!" *turns to crew* "Dey charge me 9 creds a pop thanks to mah space cop discount, nurses here love me. Bandages work way bettah than those fancy stimpacks. Can ya believe dey set me back hundreds of creds last time, whazz da world comin' to!?"
: "Truly an outrage."
: *miraculously cured* "That's what I'm sayin! Society, people, public murals, all gon' to shit! Well anyway, stock up on sum bandages too, can't have mah field medic muck around without no healin' supplies. Could've killed me!"
: "Hey look at that, 7 credits a piece. Nurses must have it in for me as well. What was it you payed, again?"
: "......"
: "SQUAD, MOVE OUT!"
: "Spare a cred? Begging is a serious violaishun of da LAW! Gimme all ya have u stinkin' hobo!"
: "You messed with da wrong drunk, ya fuckin GOY!"
: "Alrite guize, same 'ol tactic, move da hell back!"
: "They're not just beggars though, some of them look pretty experienced." *takes aim*
: *SPLAT!*
: "YEAAAH CUNT!"
: "B-boss, I'm hit!"
: "By a fukin blow gun! What a fag."
: "Fuckin aye! An' hey, not bad doc, seems like you leart a thing or two by watchin' me in akshun!"
: "Yeah, totally what happened..."
: "DAS RITE! Now then men, we be dun sum gud frickin' prograss here. Less hit da bar for some honest to Krizto REC-TIME!"
***several hours and drinks later***
: *sweeps another bottle of Tiglath's Pilsner* "Who da fuk are you and waddya want!?"
: "Name's MercantileInterest, but you can call me Merc. Heard you're looking to hire, son? Used to bash heads for a living but I'll do it for a killin' too. None of that credit nonsense now. Dough in my palm. Real shekels. My background? Corpses for the Corps. You can have that too. Your own private My Lai. The Corps put that in my head and it needs to get out sometimes. If I'm not smokin' a cigar, I'm smokin' a Chicom. Feels good, man. Last thing: no work without an advance. Cough up, space cop!"
: "U WOT! Listen cunt ah ain't payin ya shi-"
: "BOSS! At least look at his service record!"
: "Hrmmm... Well ya do seem pretty seazund..."
: "Damn straight! I want equal share of the bonus, and a damn advance as stated. So what's it gonna be, cop boy?"
: "Ain't go nah fuckin shekels for ya, but... Fine, ima front ya a proper weapon, how's dat?"
: "...guess it'll have to do for now!"
: "Wha-!? Then why did Azira and I have to pay for ours?"
: "Don't blame yer failures on me rookie! Alrite, squad movin' out!"
: *mumbles* "Can't believe I'm doin diz shit..."
*********
SO! Choice time!
1. Azira, you leveled up! You can't train in auto (which seems like the best skill) because apparently you need a damn permit for that. If you ever had one, you lost it. You can boost any attribute and most skills though, so the choice is yours. For reference:
2. MercantileInterest, you're enlisted and you're gonna get a gun on the house, so what kind do you want? Auto, rifle and handgun are available. Note that like Azira, you can't actually train in auto and you only got access to the scrub-tier SMG. Handgun and rifle are kosher to train in though. Dunno which one is better.
3. Circuit you didn't level up, so you get no choice at all thanks to your scrub character. But let me know what you wanna boost when you can, assuming you even survive the next update.
Makes sense, as precise automatic guns are usually deadly. I like how everyone is armed though, as well as how the citizens you constantly harass are depicted as women and children. Good thing the game doesn't seem to have a reputation tracker or anything.
: "Ok Gung-Ho, here's the dough! *transfers 400 credits* Ya can thank Culty for his genaruz donaishun."
: "Wait-!? What did you do?"
: *throws used credstick back to Circuit* "Fuck you schmuck! You shud be grateful! Even left ya some change."
: "Grateful? You robbed me!!"
: "Don' be such a crybaby! Just teachin' you to stay sharp! Now stay ALERT an' WATCH yer stuff or ima dock yer pay!"
: "YOU DON'T PAY ME ANYTH-"
: *ignores Circuit* "ANYWAY! We wrap up diz gunny business or wat?"
: "Yeah yeah, moustache. This will do." *swings rifle over his back*
: "Finally! Alrite, here's da plan. We go off for some trainin', then we look for easy credits!"
***along the way***
: "OUT OF MY WAY, CUNTS!"
: "Fuck ya say, cabrón!?" *sways wildly back and forth* "You pass thru 'ere, you pay da fuckin toll!"
: "So it's true wat they say eh, Puerto Ricans don' work in space either! Heheheh!"
: "EYYY! You dead mamabicho! Just wait until Latro comes back! No one fucks with da Razorbacks on our turf!"
: "More like RAZOR TWATS!" *fires the .357 magnum*
: "Fuuuuuu!!!"
: "Boom shakalaka!"
: "Stinking weebs! *spits and reloads target rifle*
: "Not bad, squad! Just made Primus safer for humanity. Now grab da goodies an MOVE OUT!"
: "Boss, come on... There's nothing but junk, whole lot is barely worth 10 creds-"
: "LOOT IS LIFE! LIFE IS LOOT! CHOP CHOP!"
: "Sup BABE, me again..." *winks*
: "You know it's a hologram, right?"
: "Pixel babes need lovin' too!"
: "Damn, it feels gud to be pro! Huh? Eligible to purchase more powahful handgun? Oh boy..."
***backtracks to Munitions Store***
: "Sweet mutha of GOD!"
: "Ok deputies, gym time! Al Jazira, do yer fancy trainin', ima check out cardio sloots!" *stares intently*
: "Gonna need some creds, boss."
: "Whatevah, everyone pool their creds ok!"
: "Hmmm, kind of pricey, but what the hell!"
: "I FEEL FASTER!"
: "Well gud, that was da point!" *checks account balance* "WHAT YOU DO!?"
: "I was eager to learn, so I paid for three sessions. In the end you win; I can fire my UZI even faster now!"
: *launches a tirade of expletives*
Yeah... I burnt 900 creds on making Azira more agile! Thing is, game kept saying he was eager to learn, and I was like, wait a minute, that means level ups stack! And I wanted to try and see for myself, and... Yeah. Playing under the influence does this kind of stuff. Good news is, confirmed for sure that when we grind schmucks our EXP stacks up and won't get lost. Bad news is... We're broke!
: "Boss, if I may, we could always recruit another follower and use his creds for now."
: ".......Culty! That's frickin' brilliant!"
***back to the lounge***
: *chats in Paramount Shoutbox* "... So all ya gotta do is shoot some schmucks and pool yer credits! Sounds fair?"
: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need!"
: "Whu-!? Anyway, if ya want da job, yer HIRED! Git yo ass here!"
***time passes***
: "REPORTING FOR DUTY!"
: "The fuck!? Ya don look like yer avatar! Where's da battle armour!? And your credstick, it's almost empty!"
: "Anything for the motherland!"
: "Oh for fuck's sake, we've got a LARPER on our asses! Well whatevah, no one else wanted da job. Grab this .357!"
: "Negative commander, can't handle that item. Got a .22 perhaps?"
: "WOT!? NO I DON'T! Well grab diz shit then!" *throws pipe at Dayyalu*
: "Negative, sir, I'm not trained to use such equipment! I can, however, use a pocket knife."
: "SPACE KRIZTO! Whatevah, let's GO!"
: "We gon grind ya up on these scrubs meat-sack. Make you a manly man!"
: "AFFIRMATIVE!"
: "Ok deputies, same old drill: Line up, shoot 'em down, grab their shit!"
: "HOT DAMN! WE DOIN GUD!"
: "Most of us, anyway..."
: *swings and misses, takes a bat to the groin*
: *misses shamefully*
: *misses again, takes another hit*
: "Comrades, we did it! Once united, working men such as ourselves are unstoppable! Such is the power of the Communist Interstellar!"
: "....................!!!!!!!!"
: "Okay deputies, truth time! We're BROKE! Desperate times call for desperate measures!"
: "Starting NOW, I'm in charge of tha finances. Everyone CHIPS IN! No wastin' until we turn a profit!"
: *shrugs* "Guess it has to be done, but I expect 'em back with interest."
: "Grand total of 312 credits. Okay! GUD!" *orders extra large mystery meat kebab and two bottles of Tiglath's Pilsner*
: "What? A man's gotta eat!" *chews loudly* "Don'cha worry men, ah have a cunning plan. We gon hit da Controller's office!"
: "For what? Doubt that fat fuck will help us out, much less let us in the door."
: "Nah brodoc, big bossman and me, we're cool, I'm his speshul agent! He'll prob give us some more work and an advance on da bonaz even! Also he shud give us access to auto training and the likes. Trust me ok."
***moving out***
: "Whass up with all dem thugs accosting honest citizens!?"
: "YES! GOT ONE!" *reloads the .357*
: "More enemies incoming, commander!"
: "EY FAGETS! Ain't gon let no fuckin gringo mess with mah crew!"
: *gets hit in the torso, stumbles back* "Fuck...! No WETBACK CHARLIE is taking me out!" *aims target rifle*
: "FUCKING GOOK!"
: *SPLAT*
: "YEAH CUCK!"
: "KRIZTO! Brand new rifle for nuthin!"
: "Whatch'ya gon' do BITCHES!?"
: *.22 bullets sweep past* "Diz burrito monkey must be on psycho or somethin!"
: "UGH!" *takes a bullet in the leg* "M-more are coming, boss!"
: "RUN FOR IT! RUUUN!"
: "...so yeah, that could've gone bettah." *goes through Merc's pockets one last time*
: "Lost a good man today." *applies bandages to his wound*
: "Stingy schmuck couldn't take da heat though. Ey, doc, got any more of those?"
: "Sorry boss, just ran out. Could use Merc's socks though, not like he needs em-"
: "HOSTILES INCOMING!"
: "Mothafuckah!"
: "Watch yer aim deputies! Kill those cunts!"
: "C-comrades! Need backup!"
: "SO DAMN INCOMPETENT!" *aims the .45*
: *SPLAT*
: "Whooops!"
: "Bloody hell boss! You killed Culty!"
: "Wuz an accident, ok! Not mah fault dammit, no bully!"
: "PHEW! Dem razor twats don't give up easy... Alrite men, hauling time!"
: "Finally here! *power-walks inside* "Sup miss Kurwa, tell da big man I'm here to see him! Want an advance!"
: "Fuck you say bitch!? Huh? I don sound like I wanna be an AGENT anymore?!"
: *shrugs* "Told you it was a waste of time. Could try to force the door, but... Doubt we'd get far."
: *curses and leaves*
***a few steps later***
: "BANDEHO! Why ya runnin' eh? Ain't finished with ya gringo puta! Gimme sum CHON CHON!"
: "OH COME ON!"
: "FUCK!"
: "GET DAT WHITE BOY!" *whole crew fires gansta-style*
: "FUUUUUUUUUCK!"
: *stumbles into cover, limps off like a little girl*
: "Man, ah need a drink!"
: *downs glass of whisky* "Fuckers...! Everythin' waz goin' so well... Then dey... Dey TUK IT ALL!"
: *spits blood* "No backup, no creds! Just endless burrito munchers! Cunts wasted mah pal Culty and deputy Gung-Ho for no reazon..."
: *sweeps drink* "Totally how it went down, boss."
: "Let us not worry, comrades! They were lucky! Dying in combat is the greatest hon-"
: "Shaddap, faget! This turned into a real shit show thanks to yer incompetent ass!"
: "Hey, at least we've all gotten a lot of combat experience today!"
: "Yeh ah guess there's that..."
: "..................!!!"
: "Hey boss, what's that!" *points to Kalin's extra flak jacket*
: "Huh? That's my spare. In case it gets cold."
: "Fucking hell man! That thing could've saved our bros!"
: "Yeeesh, simmer down! "Forgot ah even had it, ok. Consider it a bonaz!" *throws flak jacket to Azira*
: "Anyway, we need healing, an the closest clinic is..." *checks the trusty old book* "Oh fuck me..."
: "Well then conscript! Been nice knowin' ya. Never met someone so fabulously useless in mah life."
: "Commander? I don't follow."
: "Bigger groups attract more muggers, dumbass. Ain't gonna risk mah life bringing you along diz time!"
: "RECONSIDER! I can walk ahead, provide cover, catch bullets-"
: "ITZ DONE! You're OFF THE FORCE! C'mon Al Jazira, we're moving out!"
: "Hmm, LARPER had a point though. New battle order, doc!"
: "What do you mean boss?"
: "You walk in da front, cover me, heheh."
: "Got company, boss!"
: "FUCKIN-"
: "Phew! Muh lady, just space cops passin' thru."
: "ALRIGHT! MADE IT!"
: "Talk about anti-climatic..."
***Twenty bandages and some pawned items later***
: "What a ride, aye! So, where we at, deputy?" *chews on burger*
: "Lost two deputies, ditched a third. Got 258 credits, six bandages, a .357 revolver, a targer rifle and a pocket knife."
: "NOT BAD!" *sweeps beer* "Took a whole lotta tryin' just to get up that hill! Now we up in da big leagues..." *passes out*
******TO BE CONTINUED******
YES! Still alive somehow. Party size seems to be a huge deciding factor in how much trash the game throws at you. Also, found out the hard way that friendy fire is brutal. Not sure how to proceed, guess there's a bunch of options:
1) Hit the surface! This requires vac suits, but once out there, who knows what we could find? Probably monsters wanting to rape our orifices, but hey ho. Then there's that quest for the redhead, pretty sure it required us to venture out there.
2) Explore the mines! Don't know shit about that place, but there's an entrance and I'm guessing it's some kind of dungeon.
3) Recruit schmucks with fat credsticks, get them killed and PROFIT! Kinda haxxy, but it's an option!
4) Kang kumrade. Just roam about and see what shit we get in to.
You men can vote in true Grimwulf fashun, can't promise I'll follow ya, but waddya expect.
1) Waddya want to focus on skill-wise, assuming we get any creds? Make yer pick.
2) Dayya is prob fortifying the area where we ditched him eagerly waiting for our return. Should we recruit that cuck and more dudes, or should we soldier through as a low-key bro-couple? (no homo, obv.)
Could it be that the game has a primitive level-scaling system of some sort to prevent grinding? Perhaps starting the main quest at the same time you rob people would help.
Alright bros, been some delay because Codex ate my homework. Forgot that saved drafts aren't saved long-term but get fricking auto-purged. Lost a bunch of screens because I'd already nuked them off my drive. On the plus side, they were boring and only contained a few chump deaths, and I still have the remaining stuff from when I hit the surface.
To recap the slog:
Rerolled Dayya, named him Larpy because I didn't remember how to spell his handle. Could wield a 9mm at least, yuge improvement. Then recruited a bunch of rich dudes (merchants and medics), led them into encounters and took their yehzah afterwards. Garland the thriftshop dude got his throat cut by a switchblade. Ain't easy out there. Did get approached by a hitman and friends, guess they're tough as fuck. Talked my way out of it thanks to the administration skill of one of the schmucks. Would be handy to have that skill in the party, fleeing almost always works but it can take a try or two. Not sure what's Azira's street skill is for, you'd think that one would cover that aspect.
Anyway, used the creds to buy three Vac Suits, train myself in handguns and buffing Azira up at the gym. Also got a super snazzy .44 revolver complete with Dirty Harry quotes, but then I buffed skill some more and saw I could buy a Mazer, some kinda sci-fi elecro-magic plasma pew pew I reckon. Got that. Whole time Dayya didn't level up once. No surprise there. Made it to the exit, and that's where update starts off.
PART 5
: Alrite squad! Listen UP! We gon find dat damn thingy for Miss Udmurt, score sum bling bling!
: Should be good! I want to see what the surface looks like.
: ....damn, it's ugly!
: What did you expect? Since we're here though, we should scatter Circuit's ashes. Nice gesture, you know?
: Sir Cut? The fuck you on about? Akshully, ah don wanna know! Spread out men!
***boring walking around, time passes***
: S-sup fellas! *tries to act casual*
: Phew! Buncha freaks! Don worry bros, totally could've owned 'em if they'd made a slip. *pats Mazer*
: Totally.
: DAMN STRAIGHT! Anyway, diz tracker won't stop botherin me. Let's follow the arrow, git da goods!
: Heheheh, sweet yehzah, here I come!
***lots of walking follows***
: MOTHAFUCKER!
: Predictable. Job was too easy. Guess we need a miner now, and some mining equipment.
: No shit, Sherlock! Well, fuck it. We walked diz far, mite as well keep exploring. Could find some goodies!
: For real boss? I'm sure those high-powered nomad dudes would have picked anything clean already...
: I'm not leaving without some goddamn loot!
***Hours of Titanian walking simulator pass***
: This fricking place stinks! Nothing but space rocks.
: Abomination sighted, commander!
: Huh, what the...
: Jesus, what the hell is that thing!?
: Dead buggy, das wat! *draws Mazer gun and fires*
: Yeah baby! How dat feel littul insect, not so tough now eh!
: Uh, boss, it just keeps coming at us-
: KYAAAAH!
: HOLY SHIT! Tactical retreat! Run for eeeet!
: OH NO NO NOOO-
: NOT LIKE DIZ!
: FUUUCK! *speed-limps out of there*
: On Paramount's Titan, the bugs chase YOU!
: *groans* S-shaddap! Patch me up already!
: Eh boss, there aren't enough bandages for the both of-
: Think ah give a shit? Fix me up or ima Maze ya!
: Much bettah! Alrite, lootin' expedition completed, back to base for now, heal up properly. Less see...
: *spits inside vac helmet* We lost, we muthafuckin lost!
: Damn it boss, j-just use the tracking device, get us back to the landslide.. Should be easy to find our way back from there.
: Hmmm hey, not a bad plan akshully.
***lots of walking following the flashing arrow follows***
: Oh YEAH! Fremen juju saved the day, who woudda guessed! We came here from da north, so we shud-
: Commander, it's back!
: SWEET KRIZTO!
: RUN RUN RUUUUUN!!
: *wipes helmet Shredder-style* Easy creds, eh. Just a pick-up. Null sweat! Yeh, cept for a frickin SPACE DEMON!
: Made it though! We could always explore the mines next. Might just find that mining equipment...
: Fuck you! Ah need a drink first.
***Rec-time and lots of bandaging later***
: Okay men, cred balance is now down to... 16!? Aw hell no.
: YOU THERE! YEAH, YOU! GIB IT UP!
: Boss, these saps never have any creds-
: *FIRES MAZER*
: Got some... *checks loot* Bats and rubber hos! Not bad, deputies. We doubled our creds!
***moves out, only to get attacked***
KURWO! Picie wodki gorsze od brania heroiny! *sways wildly and fires blowgun*
: T-the hell! *gets shot up by concentrated blow gun fire, makes a run for it*
: Beaten by some faggy darts! Must be diz damn twat suit! Need to git proper space cop vest again.
: Hey, the speeder shuttle is here! Could try out luck at another base, more opportunities maybe?
: Worth checking out, deputy!
: Sup miss juicy! Me and mah deputies here need some tickets! First class, obv.
: ..........
: Alrite, shuttle was a no go. Last idea: gonna use mah space cop connekshuns!
MOVE ALONG, CITIZEN!
: Hol up buddy, I'm a space cop too! Luna PD. No badge? Uh, I'm retired now! Workin' for da Controller!
: Got any jobs for a fellow bro on the force? Need credits man!
: *tries to download info into wrist-pad, gives up, scribbles notes on kebab wrappings instead*
***some more walkin***
: Here are the mines, commander!
: Alrite, mite as well check around. Salvage dat equipment, yeah!
: Perfect. Just perfect. Screw it! Less patch up, git sum drinks and make a cunning plan.
: ...an so we got 16 creds, can't git da package, can't enter mines and can't afford no ticket outta here!
: At any rate, good work today, comrades! We made a lot of progress!
: Yeh atleast there's that. *sweeps bottle*
******
SO! Almost broke and dressed in a bunch of useless Vac Suits that can't stop a blow-gun or a fricking bat. To get red's package we need access codes to enter the mines (unless you can buy mining equipment somewhere, haven't seen any though) but no idea where to get them. Controller's office was empty, not getting any help there I reckon. Could probably hack our way in, but we have no hacker and even if we had one, we'd need credits to boost programming skill in the first place.
The only way out seems to be the bounties, but not sure going after a schmuck on the surface is a good idea, what with ants on steroids eating HALF health with one attack. Yuge yehzah bounty is more tempting, but will probably involve a tough fight or two.
If you have any ideas throw 'em at me. I mean, normally you would beat up cunts and sell their stuff, but healing costs more than pawning some crappy bats and rubber hos. Lawmen and top tier thugs probably have better loot, but they're also tougher. Could get some more recruits killed, get better armour and weapons and just level up on scrubs I guess. Haxxy way out, but really don't know what else to do. Might also finally level up Dayya, because it seems like only getting the actual kill counts as EXP. Anyway, the game isn't holding your hand, that's for sure.
Welp, time to check the manual to see if it can give you some hints. By the way, I suppose that ammo is plentiful or non-existent, seeing you go through so many battles, right?
Mines of Titan is very, very grind heavy. You need to keep fighting random encounters in the hubs to grind experience in order to level. For cash to buy gear, you can abuse the casino for quick cash since all the games run on seeded results. Once you have done all that, beating the game becomes trivial.
