*gurgles neurotically*
*MADDENING SHRIEK*
God fucking dammit, what's all that noise outside?
Something's going on! Bliblablubb is panicking!
She encountered a cockroach or sumth? Maybe a rat? I'm sure she can handle it on her own.
Uggghhh, my head! She tries to tell me something, but I cannot uderstand!
Tell her to keep it down. Kommissar needs his rest.
NO! SHE WANTS TO BE HEARD!!! BLIBLABLUBB, I DON'T UDERST--
*GURGLES*
What's wrong with you, woman?
*lacgirl's flesh is violently ripped from the inside*
Oh, wow. Now I've seen everything.
Great.
Keep calm, Grimwulf. You are just going crazy, nothing new.
Being crazy is fun.
Hoommmm, can you go away? Please?
*SENDS POWERFUL MIND WAVES IN FUTILE ATTEMPT TO EXPRESS SOMETHING, BUT HER WAY OF THINKING IS SO ALIEN, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND*
Hrrrrrgg, stop it!
Holy hell, that hurts!
Hhhnnnmmmooom! I think it's Bliblablubb! She is mind-contolling lacgirl!
Mind-controlling? Lacgirl IS floating mind! There is nothing to control, only to replace!
R.I.P. lacgirl.
So let me get this straight. Since Blaba Blob can't take my entire
complicated personality under control, she decided to take over a single split personality?
Basically - yes.
Hrmpf. That is quite intrusive of you, Blob.
*ANOTHER MIND-BLOWING SURGE OF PURE MENTAL ENERGY*
STOP THAT!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!
We cannot understand you! You've killed the only person who could!
*abstracts herself for a while*
Seems like she calmed down...
She's thinking. She needs us to understand her without resorting to the customary enslaving method.
She's about to do something again. Brace yourselves!
*PROJECTS AN IMAGE INTO THE VERY MIND OF GRIMWULF*
*MENTALLY OVERWHELMED*
Later that night.
Anybody wants to discuss what happened?
Grimdeer. I'll never forget his face.
I swear I could feel that he was trying to reach out for someone... Or something. As if he was
recruiting.
Telepathically?
Who cares? Be it magic, telepathy, or god intervention - Grimdeer cannot cross the ocean.
What if his mental powers can? Maybe that's what Bliblablubb wanted to tell us so much?
Paranoia.
DAY 12
*whistling* Space cops, space cops - whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do when they come for-- alright, that's new.
*otherwordly bleating*
Nope! Not going anywhere NEAR that bad juju!
*runs towards the door*
Kalin? You look horrified.
Ever tried looking in a mirror? Your face would make a Grammaton Cleric scream!
I'll look at yours when you grow up to my age. Oh, wait - you won't. I'll see to that.
Enough chit-chat, I'm falling behind schedule!
*mumbling to himself* Kalin's concerned about schedule..? Interesting.
Meanwhile.
*stretches* Chilly. Is it really Summer?
Shh. Listen.
... Something's stomping?
Eh, probably Spigot.
*enters the bathroom*
IT'S FREEZING IN HERE, Grimwulf!
Then hug Kalin or sumth.
*wipes face with icy water*
Is it really THAT HARD to build a fireplace?
All wood belongs to me! You want to start a fire - burn urself.
*walks outside*
I
definitely hear something unnatural, Grim.
You realize you are a ghost, Azira? And that I have to listen to your constant blabberin'? Not to mention OTHER ghosts and their valuable OPINIONS! A goddamn spiritual conference, no less! So what was that about HEARING SOMETHING UNNATURAL?!
... Should I even ask..?
No.
*sound of TEH LAZOR firing outside, followed by hellish bleating*
What THE HECK did you kill this time, Bliblablubb? Is it edible?
*uncertain pop-pop, concerned rattling*
Later that morning.
AWRIGHT, EVERYONE - gather around! I have an announcement to make!
KOMRADES! Bottle brothers! We have ventured a long road to find a place where we can work, drink and bury each other merrily. Our home. Our Motherland.
All I found was a candle-shaped sarcophagus.
HOWEVER, your Motherland needs your help! It needs protection. Security.
*GURGLE*
GURGLE indeed, Bladabulb! Being elected as your Kommissar--
Elected?
I CAME UP with an efficient solution. Behold the GRIMWULF CURTAIN!
*puts a crude drawing on the table*
This is... horrible.
It's a working title.
No, I mean... WHAT IS IT even?
How does it work?
Quite simple. Let me explain. Another sunny day in KKK. When SUDDENLY - hostiles!
They seek entrance. Expect our legs to be wide spread. Soon they realize this pussy is not freely given.
Can we drop the copulation metaphors?
Being impatient, they look for an easy way in. Something that doesn't involve locked doors and solid mountains.
All they find is BANG BANG!
Notice the traps.
Since most of the surroundings are is covered in swamp, they'll try to stick close to the walls for faster pacing. Easier to hit for turrets. Easier to lure them into traps. I see.
That entrance seems like a weak spot.
Guest entrance for dem caravans and tourists. And a fast way out for KKK residents. I thought it over, no worries.
Even if someone breaks thru the first doors - pure granite, obviously - they will face a nasty surprise of turret fire and landmines.
So let's say they won't attempt to break the doors and go further north.
Most of them won't make it to the end of Grimwulf Curtain.
Let's say some of them will.
They will face TRU FACE OF K-K-KOMUNISM!
We shall wait for them right there, behind electric fence, sandbags, turret lines and embrasures. It's a foolproof defense system.
Kommissar... We can't make turrets, electric fences and landmines. Otherwise it's a decent project.
That's where you come in, Spigot. I want you to make this work! Figuring out turrets is up to you.
Meanwhile we can hold our ground in those death rooms ourselves. And set simple traps on the perimeter.
We can start with ballistas.
Hm. It's doable.
ARE YOU WITH ME?!
*SHRIEKS*
Do we have a choice?
You can count on me, Kommissar!
I'd better get a bonus.
In order to make this work, we must all DEDICATE OURSELVES to the cause! Which means EVERYOOOONE drops whatever useless shit you've been doing and CONTRIBUTES TO GRIMWULF CURTAIN!
Can't do much in my current condition, but--
Your job is research, Spigot. I'm sure you can handle research with no hands at all. GURGLE PERSON, enough genocide for now - I need ALL YOUR TENTACLES to cut me stone blocks!
*ecstatic tentacle flailing*
Kalin, Eryfkrad- you chop trees that are STANDING ON MY WAY!
Wait, what? Who's gonna do the cooking?
We have enough food for the time being.
Grimwulf, RAW MEAT AND DEER CORPSES WILL SPOIL!
A sacrifice I am willing to make.
Bliblablubb doesn't strike me as a capable stone-cutter.
*offended pop-pop*
That's why you will help her as soon as I build additional stonecutter's bench.
Moments like these make me proud to be a part of KKK.
You ain't part of anything, Servant. You're dead. Sorry to break it.
Remember this moment, men. Today we gave birth to History.
*bubbling merrily*
Well, what are you waiting for? GET TO WORK, DAMN YOU!!
So. Grimwulf. My resurrection is not your current priority, eh? Which number is it on your to-do-list?
Somewhere between building a statue of Gregory Slavmen and paying Kalin his bonus. Kalin's bonus being lower, obviously.
HOSTILE LIFEFORMS SPOTTED!
They don't look... normal.
*INFERNAL BLEATING*
I'll be fucked.
*runs back to his house, barely making it in time to close the door right in front of hellgoat's face*
Hooommmm, now what? Maybe call Kalin?
Good plan. *psshh* KAAAL--
*TEH LAZOR FIRING OUTSIDE*
*GURGLE-MURGLE*
*SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEK*
*rushes towards Bliblablubb, disturbingly bleating all the way*
*ERUPTS a sound resembling sizzling hot metal*
*psh psh* You called?
... No. Get back to work!
*walks outside, stepping over dead goat*
*worried pop-pop*
Look at all that mess! You should be ashamed, Blobra!
*sad popping*
Stone blocks are not gonna cut themselves, you know.
Later that day.
Let's say we manage to build Grimwulf Curtain. Then what?
Bliblablubb is pretty much useless. If we won't need her for security reasons in the future, then--
Expeditions.
She loves travelling alright, but won't go anywhere without an escort.
Kalin will lead expeditions. I'll stay to watch over the Kolony.
I'd better go before I start believin' in Grimwulf being
reasonable.
Well, Kommissar. Looks like you have full support from your people. Even Kalin is excited.
What about you?
I lost my arm. Probably lost my mind. But for the first time in decades, I am a free man. So yes, you have my support.
You're probably angry at your former master.
I was at first. But then... The tree happened.
*sigh* Let's just say I experienced things that leave you scarred so deeply in your soul, all my previous grievances are hollow in comparison.
I see. Tell you what, old man. I cannot heal your arm or sanity. But I
can make you work.
... Thanks, I guess?
Meanwhile.
I came here to cook, not to chop those fucking trees.
Heh heh, from each according to his ability.
Oh, shut up.
Grimwulf is insane.
He is a VISUNARY LEADER. There is a difference. They say he talks to the dead.
That's the very definition of "insane". Spigot is no better.
I would keep an eye on old fart, but here is a problem - I only got one eye, and it's already on YOU.
I'm honored. Like a White Knight receiving a kiss from a local jester.
Screw you.
Screw YOU!
NO CHIT-CHATTIN'!
This project will take forever to finish.
Not if we work together and follow my orders strictly. Is that a smudge on your face?
Where?
Hmmm, no. It's just your mouth.
ERYFKRAD is right. We need more people.
We'll manage. I've built Grimwulfgrad with less competent team.
HEY! I'M STILL HERE, YOU KNOW!
*psshhh* KALIN! Second stonecutter's toolset is ready and waiting for you!
Later that evening.
I am no builder, but I've seen better walls. You're not doing a fine job, Grimwulf.
HOW DARE YOU?! If I was around to build a whorehouse for your mother, you'd have a hundred siblings by now!!
Actually, ERYFKRAD's right. Again. You're-- GRIM, DON'T LAY THAT BLOCK LIKE THAT!!
...
Yeah. My point exactly.
Shut up.
*attempts to redo the section*
FUCK!!!
Are you DRUNK?!
You're too old, Grimwulf. And too exhausted. We need a new builder.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU!!! I AM A SYSTEM-CLASS MASTER!!!
All of us..? Yep, totally drunk.
THERE IS NO WALL I CAN'T HANDLE! I'll-- I'll...
Get some rest, Grim. The Curtain can wait another day.
... Yeah.
STATISTICS
Some of you might remember good tradition of posting stats and personal data at the end of each season. Kolonists are constantly changing in every regard: skills, relations, gear, mood, health conditions. And so does the Kolony.
Don't want to spoil the experience with unnecessary commentary, so there you go - raw data.
LEVEL UP
That's right, we're going to PUMP THOSE STATS a bit. There is a certain mod in the
list called RIMMSqol. It brings a few optional quality-of-life tweaks, for instance - our skills don't degrade. It also allows to custumize the colonists for a certain cost (you can adjust and balance out the point system to your liking).
It looks like this:
Colonists receive points for certain things like killing humanoids. They can spend points on skills and traits. Easy, cheaty, not gonna do that.
INSTEAD, komrades who survive FULL SEASON (15 days) get a level-up.
First season: 1 skill upgrade (not SKILL LEVEL, mind you - just your INTEREST, the flame icon. If you had no iterest before, you can upgrade to interested (1 flame), and then further to burning interest (2 flames)
Second season: 1 skill upgrade
Third season: 1 skill upgrade
Full Year: 1 brand new trait (no more than 5 traits; decided by VOTING - people make decisions based on your behaviour and their observation)
I think that will spice things a little bit without ruining the balance. If you disagree, I don't care - I'm a psychopath, remember?
GRIMWULF AND KALIN survived the full season and get 1 skill upgrade each.
Grimwulf's upgrade is decided by voting, since he follows wisdom of the voices. Pick any skill, except Social (max interest already).
Kalin decides for himself. Pick anything except Art (cannot into art) and Melee (maxed out)
MAKE YOUR KEY CHOICE
Collective voting
Current Agenda: Research
Planning ahead is the key to common good. Hopefully, Spigot will figure out basic medieval security solutions soon. Then what?
Okay, there is no easy way to put it, so there it is - THE GLORIOUS RESEARCH TREE!
Feeling a little overwhelmed? I'll try to make it easier for you.
There, I did everything I could. Pick TWO technologies from the list. Most pupular pick will be researched right after Medieval Defensive Systems. Second most pupular pick will go next.
Although you can pick anything, I suspect some of you can't be arsed to make sense of that research tree. AWRIGHT THEN, a few suggestions from your Kommissar, in no particular order:
- Solar Panels (basic power generators)
- Improved Medieval Defensive Systems (catapults and murder holes)
- Microelectronics Basics (comms consoles for communicating and trading with orbiting ships; means of communication with other settlements (QUESTS!); advanced research bench; important milestone tech)
- Basic Record Player (joy source, might improve mood)
- Brewing (brewing!!)
- Canning Tech (canned food is great for long expeditions)
- Wax-powered lighting (yer candles and chandeliers, require very cheap and efficient fuel (wax) made of animal fat; easy to research, cheap to build)
- Gas-powered lights (lights that don't need fuel or electricity; somewhat difficult to research and expensive to build)
Discussion
Great Megaprojects reuire great names. GRIMWULF CURTAIN sounds dumb.
Submit your suggestions! Your Kommissar will choose the best rated, or maybe just picks one he likes.
Finally, A REMINDER: KKK residents are free to express their will, call dibs on gear, and complain about stuff any time they want.
- You don't like your hat, Spigot? Want that tattered hoolingan winter hat back? Tell me, I'll see what I can do.
- What's that, Kalin? You actually want some PANTS? Sorry, none left in KKK. Maybe sometime in the future.
- You want a real bedroom, Bliblablubb? Not until we're done with Megaproject.
You get the idea - I'll try to oblige almost any type of request. What I refuse to do on principle is directly attacking another komrade without rhyme or reason. Arresting is another thing, but only in case the majority agrees.
See you next weekend, men!
