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KKK-Diary of Tadaraot-ti [Translated by SPACEGoogle]
Entry #1:
On my eternal Quest for Incline I came across yet another human colony. Their leader, Kommissar Grimwulf, is even more annoying than other humans. But when I tried to mindcontrol him to leave me alone: it didn't work! At first I thought his brain was just too damaged from decades of alcohol abuse, but now I am convinced he is already mindcontrolled by an extremly powerful being! He calls her: "The Spirit of KKKommunism". Fascinating!
I simply must meet this omnipotent being! I will stick around them until I do.
Entry #2:
Cleve, the ancient tree of mildly dark knowledge, has taken roots here too! I haven't seen him for centuries... since he started working on his Grimoire. And he finally finished it! I am so excited what wonders it might reveal. He can make his golden babies fly now [unclear, alternative translation: release his seeds?]
Entry #3:
I can't believe I never tasted Vodka flavored icecream before. The combination of brainfreeze and alcohol makes my vision blurry, humans look like they have 4 eyes and 8 limbs now, making them far less repulsive looking. Incline. Need more icecream.
Entry #4:
The Kommissar told me deers are beings of ancient evil. I did not know that! I don't know if humans created them either, but I will make it my priority to keep them away from here.
Entry #5:
This colony houses a being of SCIENCE, just like me! His name is Azira, he even created "anal candles" to make up for his lack of tentacles. I simply must meet him! Excited! Sadly he seems to have gone into hibernation for the cold time. I will have to wait until next spring for him to regrow. Sad. Need more icecream.
Entry #6:
The third human of this colony is called "useless Kalin", not sure if I read the mind correctly. He is a smelly one-eyed brute, quick to resort to violence. Sad. Icecream.
Entry #7:
The colony was attacked! I showed useless Kalin how to repel them without violence, by simply disarming them. That should be enough.
Entry #8:
Turns out humans cannot regrow lost tentacles over night. How this species survived without our guidance is beyond me. Sad. Icecream.
Entry #9:
An extension of the Spirit of KKKommunism in Grimwulf's head called me "Aubergine Abomination". I don't know what that is, but I like the sound of it. Happy. Icecream.
Phew, finally done catching up... that's some quality madness going on here, a proper INCLOOSIVE and hard working (no mega projects happened yet...) Kommunistic Kolony. I'm looking forward to the moment where invisible tentacle monsters jump up on your Kolonists from the darkness for some quality anal-probing time.
Agenda 1: we ignore Grimwah for now, and roll with science.
Grimwulf (and 18 random voices in his head): Grimwah!
Kalin: Science!
Spigot: Grimwah!
Bliblablubb: Science!
ERYFKRAD: Science!
Agenda 2: release teh prisoners!
Grimwulf (and 18 random voices in his head): Release!
Kalin: Force them to work!
Spigot: HARRRRRRRVEST THEIR ORGANS!
Bliblablubb: Release!
ERYFKRAD: Release!
Agenda 3: Raj must leave KKK at once!
Grimwulf (and 18 random voices in his head): Let her go!
Kalin: Let her go!
Spigot: Let her go!
Bliblablubb: Let her go!
ERYFKRAD: Let her go!
Are there any mods that make Rimworld completely medieval? No guns, electricity etc. I've tried Medieval times & Medieval world combo and still get shotgun and freaking sniper rifle-armed raiders, sometimes they wear plate armor too. Hilarious at first, but gets annoying fast. I want dat gritty medieval experience with castles and knights, dammit!
Are there any mods that make Rimworld completely medieval? No guns, electricity etc. I've tried Medieval times & Medieval world combo and still get shotgun and freaking sniper rifle-armed raiders, sometimes they wear plate armor too. Hilarious at first, but gets annoying fast. I want dat gritty medieval experience with castles and knights, dammit!
Check this out, Death Bubble! I made a fireplace out of shit!
*enraptured gurgling*
At last, someone who can admire refined craftsmanship! Let's grab sumth to eat.
Why don't you ask her out, Kommasaunte?
Why don't you shut your spectral throat for a change?
*flirting pop-pop*
HEY, watch those tentacles, goddamn abomination!
Eat that steak and go to sleep!
Please, no!
Karma is a bitch, Azira.
DAY 8
*yawns* Where is the old man?
DO I LOOK LIKE A CARETAKER TO YOU?! LET ME FOOOKIN' SLEEP!!
Edgelord.
This resembles something edible...
Yyyuuuurrgh! THIS PORK IS SO RAW IT'S STILL SINGING "HAKUNA MATATA"!!!
You probably figured it out by now, but just in case - I have no impact over facial expression. Komrades smile when they are happeh.
Or crazy! Nothing to be ashamed of - we're all commies here.
Hammered your finger into a bloody pulp? Smile.
Your brother died of cirrhosis? Laugh it off.
Livin' a life of misery and endless suffering? Enjoy and be grateful for it!
TO YOUR HEALTH, MEN!
I wonder how these morons managed to survive without a chef. Well, it's all about to change. Nobody's going to eat pigwash on my watch!
*butcherin' like Gordon Ramsey*
Meanwhile
YARRRRRRRrrrgh... ghhh... *coughs*
Iä! Iä...*faints*
I swear, as soon as I find the source of all that ruckus, I'll-- oh, for fuck's sake!
Feelin' SUICIDAL, are we?
Nobody simply dies in KKK, dumbass. We all get our fair share of suffering and humiliation first. Brace yourself, this one's gonna hurt.
Later that morning.
Pack your stuff and get out. I don't want any strangers near my kitchen.
How very nice of you to say such things.
I warned you, scavenger! If I see you around again, my cleaver will do the talking! *walks outside*
I'm done here. I'll remember my stay in KKK as... unique experience.
*convulsing in pain*
Gettin' better already!
Pain is good. We used to have a highly disturbing doctor around - he always said that pain is a sign of recovery.
One hour later.
Give me a fucking break.
*psshhh* Grimwulf! Wake up! Grimwulf!
*dreaming*
Hahahaha... ha... *snores*
*pssshhh* COME ON, YOU FUCK! Old geezer is about to die, methinks.
Goddamit *psshhh* That's no reason to wake me up, Kalin! Stupid eyeless freak. Oh, hello there!
GRIMWULF!
WHAT?!
THOSE HANDS ARE MADE FOR PROLE-BASHING! I'M NOT GOOD AT TOUCHING ELDERY PEOPLE GENTLY!
Spigot?
He's dying, you cretin.
I'm 88% sure he is in a coma.
... Wanna grab sumth to eat?
Sure.
A bit later.
Tastes bland.
BLAND?!
*takes a bite* I'm with Kalin on this one. Aren't you supposed to be a great chef?
*face turning red* Th-THERE IS MORE SMOKE IN THIS KITCHEN THAN IN SNOOP DOG'S TOUR BUS!!
Never thought I'd say this, but I miss dog testicles.
*about to go mental*
Walk with me, Kalin. We have places to go.
*follows Grimwulf outside* Well?
Chop me some wood.
While you do what exactly?
Contemplate. Make decisions. Plan ahead. The usual Kommissar work.
After a brief discussion we decided to release the prisoners. Too much bother for no gain.
No reason to let them keep their clothes.
Silly woman even thanked me for sparing her life. Naked wymin being grateful - it's almost like I'm young again!
Still got some powder in my balls after all!
Your turn.
You arr Gu Thu M Khal.
Sure. Come on, chop-chop.
*jumps on one leg* Gu Thu M Khal.
Off you go! Beware of dem Elder Things.
*threatening gurgle*
Tarek my lyfe, mora! TAREK MY LYFE!
*confused pop*
DOOM AY AM! CURSD! CUUURSD!!!
Later that day.
We need more food, chef. WAY more food.
No, you don't! In fact, you could use a diet.
I'm not gonna eat it, you weirdo. I'm gonna sell it.
It's vulgar, coming from where I do, to talk about money. You don't come into cooking to get rich.
Who's talking about money? Think about the sheer amount of weapons, ammo and vodka we could buy!
I'm serious, chef. Either you make enough merchandise by the time next caravan comes, OR you become merchandise yourself!
NOBODY CAN AFFORD ERYFFFFUCKINKRAD! *power-walks outside*
*looking for ice cream*
What are YOU doing here, aubergine?!
*bubbling vigorously*
Wh- what? Do you even-- bollocks. BRING ME MORE MEAT, CAPICHE?! Not necessary deer!
*CHARGING TEH LAZOR*
*psshh* Overheard you talkin'. It's "deers". Over.
Just another day in KKK.
Blodoblada is a decent hunter, unless your goal is taxidermy.
When I look at that gaping hole in poor fox's abdomen, I cannot help but think about power generators. Fuck, do we need them.
Time to make a step forward.
When that raving son of a bear comes back to his senses, I have a task of great importance for him.
To figure out fucking magnets - how do they work?!
Me, I covered the ground work.
The rest is up to him.
If he even survives the night.
Meanwhile.
YOU DO NORT SEE! AYR SEE!!!
*observes from a distance, popping silently in confusion*
*screams like a normal human all of a sudden* THEY COME! I SEE! THEY COME!!! MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY!!! THEY COOOME!!!
Yuck. What happened to him?
*GURGLE*
Did you molest him with your tentacles, then teared his fucking jaw apart? Actually, forget it. I don't want to know.
*psshhh* KALIN, we are short on wood and steel! I'll find steel, you CHOP WOOD! Over.
Wanna see wood? It's in my pants. Ain't choppable, tho. Hue hue *psshhh* You need wood - chop it yourself, Grimwulf! I'll try to save the old geezer. Don't want to haul stuff by myself.
How ya holdin' up?
*weak moan*
I know. Hard to survive here in KKK, with all that suicidal tingling in your hands 'n all.
Kh... *coughs* kheh.
... Alright, done.
Fuck only knows if you survive or not - no sarcophagus for you in either case. Not even a grave. You go straight to the corpse pile. Nighty night!
*grabs Kalin's hand as he is about to leave*
NO TOUCHING! I killed people for less!
*weak whisper* Something's... coming... the visions--
*breaks free from Spigot's grasp* You don't know what I've been thru, old man! You haven't seen what I've seen! I don't believe in yer VISUNS and don't give two shits about fuckers who dare attack this place! Let them come. Let them throw everything they got at Kalin, Son of Kalin from Sol! You think you can scare me, Spigot? THINK AGAIN!
Spigot's not looking good. And here I was hoping we found someone who will do all the work for me.
I ain't no fancy doctur, but I bet he's dying from menopause. My diagnosis.
Still a shitton of bodies to haul. What's even the point?
One day I'm gonna add Grimwulf's corpse to that pile.
DAY 9
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS?! THE AIR SMELLS OF TURD AND AUBERGINES!!!
*pop-pop*
What's with all that squealing?
Eh, just the new guy enjoying quality life in KKK. Wait, where is Spigot?
SPIGOOOOOOOOT!!!
The fuck were you doin' out there?
*coughs and shivers* I'm feeling better, Kommissar. I can work like everyone else.
Damn right you can! As soon as your hand stops being so purple. Are you trying to cosplay Blobb or sumth?
No, sir.
That's KOMRADE KOMMISSAR for you! I swear, it's much easier to talk to your raving personality. Git some damn rest, Spigot.
Later that morning.
I'm getting used to working in these conditions, Grimwulf. You're lucky I'm a professional.
Does it mean less complaining and more productivity?
You know what they say: if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. I'm ready to give that smoke house a spin.
That's the spirit! If you finish 5-year plan today, you'll receive Kalin's bonus.
One hour later.
How's Spigot?
Still dying.
Keep going at this rate, Kalin, and one day you'll beat Azira's record on dead patients.
Fuck you, Grimwulf! I've had enough of this shiet!! *walks towards the barracks*
Whaddya think you're doing, Kalin?
The cuts on his hands ain't no suicidal crybaby cuts, I tell ya! It seems like the old man tried to CUT OFF HIS FUCKING HANDS! Well, what do you know - we happen to have a PROFESHINUL at that sort of things!
GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE!
Mornin', son. Err, why are you holding your halberd like that?
I'm here to heal you, gramps. You might want to turn your ugly mug away...
Meanwhile.
Stonecutter's table done! Gonna need a fuckton of granite blocks.
Huuummm, I'm happy to be dead.
Your green ass was too slow for the task anyway. Hmpf. Who's gonna do it..?
Why do we need granite blocks again?
Top secret Megaproject, Azira. None of your damn ghost business.
INCOMING NAZI SPOTTED!
You again!
Gu Thu M Khal! I am not afraid of you.
Hrmpf. Learned to speak human words, I see. Still can't spell my name correctly, but don't let that stop you.
Gu Thu M Khal means "doomed spirit talker". You are the harbinger of the End Times. One who is followed by misery and destruction. He who talks to the dead.
Not bad, not bad. How about VERMILION INCARNATION OF IRON JOSEPH, KOMMISSAR GRIMDARK WOLFEATER, Esquire! Agree, that esquire part needs some polishing.
Feed me, Grimdark Wolfeater. I will share knowledge in exchange.
Do I look like a bartender? Go to the chef.
YOU! Why are you skulking around my kitchen?!
Food. I need food.
Oh, you want food? GET OUT, YOU BRAINLESS MUPPET!!
You cannot stop me, white man.
I don't have to. AUBERGINE!
*GURGLE*
ARREST THIS MAN AT ONCE! I saw him trying to steal ice cream!
*psychotic gurgling*
GODS, GRANT ME STRENGTH!!! *charges at Bliblablubb*
*flailing her tentacles wildly*
Just great. Now clean this mess, be a deary. People trying to work here.
Meanwhile.
Can we at least discuss it? Please!
Shuddup and don't move! Okay, reeeady... *drops the halberd on Spigot's hand*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
There, infekshun gone!
MY HAND IS GONE, KALIN! MY HAND!!!
I'll make you a stylish hook hand, gramps. You'll walk around like a rapey pirate, hookin' up with ladies and shit. Hooking up, you geddit? Heh heh.
*trying to cope with pain*
*grumbles to himself* Ungrateful bastard. I've just saved his worthless life. Do I get a bonus - no. Do I get a thank you - no. What do I get instead?
*psshhh* KALIN, you lazy buttplug! We have a prisoner in need of treatment - move those legs over here! PRONTO!
This. I get this.
Hhhnnggh. I fought the demon twice and survived.
What do you want, a fuckin' medal? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TREAT CRACKS AND BRUISES, GRIMWULF?!
Remember Azira, Kalin. What would he do?
Right. *spits on Locust's bruises* There, all healed!
One hour later.
What the-- GRIMWULF, JUST HOW FUCKED IN THE HEAD ARE YOU?!
To some degree, I guess.
Why?
WHO MAKES ENGRAVINGS ON LATRINES?! LAT-RINES, GRIMWULF!!! And what the fuck is it, even?!
People eating turnips.
TURNIPS?! THESE TURNIPS ARE SO DISGUSTING, BEAR GRYLLS WOULDN'T EVEN EAT THEM!
Hence the pl-- for fuck's sake!
I'm getting too old for this crap.
The Great One will come for you, Gu Thu M Khal.
If you're talking about a really nasty hangover, then--
*psshhh* Kommissar, come in.
*psshhh* I swear I know this annoying gritting voice.
Just wanted to say that I've recovered. Physically, at least.
Awaiting your orders, Kommissar.
A helping hand at last! Lots of stuff needs to be constructed!
A helping hand indeed, komrade Kommissar. I'm no longer as crafty, I'm afraid. *sigh*
Spigot will no longer carry an arbalest, coz - you know - not enough hands? Maybe we'll find some elderly one-handed weapons in the future.
Kalin finished what you could not, huh? That means no constuction for you. Damn.
Don't give me that look. I am still your best doctor. Your only doctor, in fact.
Hrmpf, fair enough. You'd better learn to draw schemes with that leftover hand of yours, and fast. I need you to come up with a bunch of security solutions.
I'll post Teh Research Tree in all its glory later this weekend. You'll get your chance to vote on research plans.
Right now we absolutely have to improve defenses, otherwise we'll find ourselves on the road again before Autumn.
Later that evening.
Why are you still here?
What's the point in leaving? I'm dead anyway. You cursed me, Gu Thu M Khal - there is no hope for me.
Cursed, you say? Naah, that can't be true. On the contrary, I am a rather fortunate ma-- FUCK FUCK, GODDAMIT!!!
Piece of crap wokbench can't hold up together, motherfffkr.
Later that evening.
Fortifications - when?
What day is it, Saturday? Let's see... Never.
Can't build dis shit just by myself.
You have a team, Kommemoire!~
Aye, a team of incompetent basterds who can't even hold on to their limbs and eyes. Not to mention a team suggests working together. And we sort of hate each other.
There is but one solution, Grim. Brewing.
Homm, may I?
What do you want, Greengo?
Are you going to release the prisoner, Kommissar Grim Wolf?
I knew I forgot something!
You will face a gruesome fate.
Worse case scenario, I'll drink myself to death. Enough ominous prophecies! Time to go back to your cave or whatever backwards dwelling you came from.
Can you smell it in the air, Gu Thu M Khal? Smells of War and Death. Summer is coming.
Yeh yeh, git out. *closes the door*
He is right, Grimwulf. Summer draws near. A time of dry ground and warm weather. A time of construction and progress.
I have a certain Megaproject in mind, Servant. One that will overshadow even Grimwulfgrad.
Good, finally this will turn this outpost into a real Kommunistic Monument. Let no worker's life be sparred, for they will build this monument to their own honour!
Before the Elder Capitalistic Things come and take it over to summon Kthullu obviously
.
