Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

[Storyfag]

Look! Look at Helly's shadow! It has horns! Nay, not horns! Antlers! Grimwulf preserve us! Grimwulf! Grimwulf! Grimwulf!

 

[hello friend]

Moh boy and I will stand with Grim. He tok us in and gave us a new home. Also. Where is the drink? I can't find it, maybe I looked in the wrong place. Hommmm...

 

[Helly]

Helly was preparing for this turn of events, and we have quite a number of unassigned dwarves. It will be fair to give her a fighting chance.

Helly, you may throw a d20, if you want. One last speech in front of the komrades, one last attempt to gain more supporters.

20 - critical success. 10 unassigned dwarves will vote for Kalin
18-19 - major success, you gain 7 votes
16-17 - significant success, 4 votes
14-15 - success, 2 votes
12-13 - minor success, 1 vote
8-11 - uninspiring speech, no effect
6-7 - minor failure, 1 vote for Grimwulf
4-5 - failure, 3 votes for Grimwulf
2-3 - you are really bad at this. 5 votes for Grimwulf
1 - you convinced the whole crowd in your total incompetence as the manager, 8 votes for Grimwulf

Goddammit I wish I had the time to do a proper update myself. Here goes my roll anyway!
Edit: sounds like i'm not going to the gulag alone!

 

[ERYFKRAD]

I'm voting for Azira, just so I can be neutral here.

 

[Lagole Gon]

Can you train biting skill during the military training? That would be pretty metal.

 

[Kalin]

Rebuls runnin wild, tricksy traitors evruware.. Worse of all...

DEY. TUK. OUR. BOOZE!

Despurate time need despotic meshure...

Diz shit rite here?

Diz why uh need ME!

Need me for wot?

Wait fur it...

...

Can't believe I'm being refused my akshul job! Until I get my rightful rekognishun as Sheriff and Captain of the Guard

The chances of criminal activity among seven dwarves living in a muddy hole are non-existent. So a Sheriff would be doing nothing but loitering.

[redaktud fillah text]

Let's wait until we raise the population a bit

Heheh, das RITE! Ah wuz just waitin for moar dorfs to dicklare traitur to smash em all! Look Grim: KKK is yuge, dorfs are runnin wild! Gotta inforce dat law an order. No moar Stalin around da bushels - rush build dat prison, lemme do mah job!

Kalin son of Kalin for HAMMERER an Kaptain of the Guard!

You know u want it!

 

[Azira]

My vote is for Grimwulf of course. Could have it no other way.

 

[Citizen]

Remember baud, fucker?

 

[Citizen]

As for voting, it's complicated. Since I'm aiming for Kalin's current position, that would be a very interesting strategy to vote him for kommissar against his will, so I can take his place as a Prolebashers Kapitan next elections

On the other hand, as I said - Kalin is a textbook example of the Peter principle, so he should be anything but promoted to even higher position.

With all that in mind, my vote goes to Grimwulf. I mean, now when he finally got his nice office and golden armor, he'll start doing his job, right?

 

[Reinhardt]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

 

[Grimwulf]

Komrades woke up today in a muddy den, most of them had to sleep in a pile of deer bones, hooves, and antlers. They spent this day miserable as always, breaking their backs in mines, following inane orders of both Helly and Grimwulf. Everyone is sober and literally dying of thirst. Then a GLORIOUS God-Emperah of Dwarfkind comes out of his mansion, full clad in golden armor. And everyone is still voting for him.

This is not only a testimony to his unparalleled charisma but also the greatest proof of Helly's incompetence and Kalin's inability to lead others. I'm proud of you, men. Glory be!

Can you train biting skill during the military training?

YES, YOU CAN! Don't let your dreams be dreams! If you want to bite Kalin for no reason - DOET! Just DO IT!

I don't know what affects a dwarf's decision to start biting during battle. Brother Frank, for instance, often uses her teeth instead of axe or shield. Her biting is currently the highest among Prolebashers, IIRC (can't check it in-game atm).

Look Grim: KKK is yuge, dorfs are runnin wild! Gotta inforce dat law an order. No moar Stalin around da bushels - rush build dat prison, lemme do mah job!

Kalin son of Kalin for HAMMERER an Kaptain of the Guard!

Building the prison unlocks the Captain of Guard and Hammerer positions. Let me explain what's gonna happen if we appoint you Kaptan right now, in our current state.

You wake up in komrade's dormitory, pissed off about everything. You are a high-standing officer, yet you have to live like a regular komrade. Much like Grimwulf, you will have DEMANDS, and if you don't get your private quarters soon - dwarves will die. And you'll go insane.

But right now it's tolerable. So you proceed to do your job. You open the Justice Reports, and holy fucking mother of Gods, half of us are FILTHEH KRIMINULS! Das rite, you are not the only dwarf in Redlabored who keeps a book of grudges. Everyone does. Crimes and grudges never lapse, no dwarf ever forgets the wrongs he suffered from others. And it is your job to deliver justice for every single act of crime.

And so you start doing it. But we don't have a prison yet. The only option left is to punish everyone with BEATING. And, well, let's just say you are not the kind of dwarf who should deliver beatings.

Spoiler

Half of our population will die after a week of your POLISE BRUTULITEH. Other half will go full mental break after losing family and friends and seeing unburied dwarf corpses scattered everywhere. Welcome to the world of Tantrum Spiral!

When I said we should wait for our population to rise, I was assuming we'll keep working on Redlabored. We should have constructed a half-arsed prison by now. But we didn't. I blame Helly for that.

And so should you.

 

[Lagole Gon]

Well, it may take some time before Kalin goes to hell and I can get a real weapon like a hammer or a crossbow.

I want to start training punching. And maybe a bit of biting.

 

[Bliblablubb]

A vote for Grimwulf is acknowledging destiny's agenda.




Heh, just imagine Kalin being the KKKommissar. He would do nothing but run around in golden armor, wielding a golden warhammer, screaming all day about his bawnus. Calling everyone incompetent, not caring to remember anyone's name at all.... wait a moment...
...
...
Well, that's KKKommunism for you: same shit, different face. At least Grim is not a sadist. I think?

 

[Lizzurd]

I'll spend the holidays out of town, surrounded by friends and family, which makes writing updates inconvenient.

I have heard Vladimir Vladimirovich would be present as well?

 

[Citizen]

I have heard Vladimir Vladimirovich would be present as well?

Yea, if there's any place left at the table

 

[hello friend]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

We all know elves can't be trusted. It was a preemptive strike.

 

[Reinhardt]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

We all know elves can't be trusted. It was a preemptive strike.

And selling our booze?

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

We all know elves can't be trusted. It was a preemptive strike.

And selling our booze?

Weakening elves by booze is an acceptable tactic. If a bit too much. Crom knows they'd get tipsy on water, fucking lightweights.

 

[Reinhardt]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

We all know elves can't be trusted. It was a preemptive strike.

And selling our booze?

Weakening elves by booze is an acceptable tactic. If a bit too much. Crom knows they'd get tipsy on water, fucking lightweights.

He sold booze to hoomans.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

We all know elves can't be trusted. It was a preemptive strike.

And selling our booze?

Weakening elves by booze is an acceptable tactic. If a bit too much. Crom knows they'd get tipsy on water, fucking lightweights.

He sold booze to hoomans.

At least they'll appreciate it. Unlike the elves.

 

[Reinhardt]

Everyone hating Grimwulf and Helly, but what about person who started war with elves so we were forced to seal fortress AND sold half of our booze? If i ever seen enemy of the people - it's spigot.

We all know elves can't be trusted. It was a preemptive strike.

And selling our booze?

Weakening elves by booze is an acceptable tactic. If a bit too much. Crom knows they'd get tipsy on water, fucking lightweights.

He sold booze to hoomans.

At least they'll appreciate it. Unlike the elves.

Well, my son would appreciate it too!

 

[a bear named spigot]

Reinhardt is an elf, or worse, an elf sympathiser. subdwarf scum too pussy to try attack our impenetrable fort so they send subversives to undermine morale and drag fine upstanding dwarfs like Spigot (who I know only from his impressive reputation) down into the mire. I personally look forward to voting for Spigot in the next round of elections.

 

[Reinhardt]

Reinhardt is an elf, or worse, an elf sympathiser. subdwarf scum too pussy to try attack our impenetrable fort so they send subversives to undermine morale and drag fine upstanding dwarfs like Spigot (who I know only from his impressive reputation) down into the mire. I personally look forward to voting for Spigot in the next round of elections.

Why both you and Andnjord always wear hats? Covering ears and antlers, i bet.

 

[ERYFKRAD]

Well, my son would appreciate it too!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so it's win-win.

 

[MediantSamuel]

Holy shit, what an update. Fantastic stuff, Grim.

With time I could become Kommissar Grimwulf's greatest confidant.. besides, Kalin would likely beat me to death as a training dummy.. Glorious golden Kommissar Grimwulf is our true leader!