Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

Grimwulf · Nov 20, 2019

Introduction

Men of Codex. Bottle brothers! Two words: "Dwarf Fortress". Say it out loud. Now shut up.

Can you feel that new, yet strangely familiar pulsation deep in your balls? That's your inner dwarf craving for freedom. He wants to work. He wants to drink. He wants to do communism. DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR DWARF ANYMORE!

POST in this thread, JOIN Kodex Kommunistic Fortress and SUFFER A HORRIBLE DEATH today! I mean breath. Fluffer a forwarding breath. Today.

Fucked up the intro. Again. Goddamit. ANYWAY

It's been far too long since anyone posted DF-related stuff around here. Fortunately, ye local drunk Grimwulf is about to fix this.

Grab a beer, squat down, get ready to dive into the story of ambitions, socialism, bad luck, and utter incompetence. Dis gonna b gud. Trust your Kommissar.

Chapter 1: Appointments
Chapter 2: Of Gods and Incompetence
Chapter 3: Vision of Angèrith
Chapter 3.1: Blueprint Adjustments
Chapter 4: Cook Everything You See
Chapter 5: Tensions and Bad Management
Chapter 6: The Queen's Messenger
Chapter 7: Kommunistic Kommission
Chapter 8: The Elections of Year 126
Chapter 8.1: First Decisions, First Mistakes
Chapter 9: The Worst Administrators This World Has Ever Seen
Chapter 10: Spigot's Key Choice
Chapter 11: A Fair Redistribution of Wealth
Chapter 12: The Migrant Horde
Chapter 13: Baud's Sacrifice
Chapter 13.1: Drunk Rant
Chapter 14: Dead Deer Making More Deers Dead
Chapter 15: Traitors Among Us
Chapter 16: The Stand-Off
Chapter 17: Most Dwarves Are So Ungrateful To Be Alive
Chapter 17.1: History of Kingdomstole, part 1
Chapter 17.2: History of Kingdomstole, part 2
Chapter 18: The Definition Of Insanity
Chapter 19.1: First Blood Of 127
Chapter 19.2: The Fall Of Aril Fishmenaces
Chapter 19.3: Anger Is a Virtue

1. (conscripted) Azira
2. (conscripted) Kalin
3. (conscripted) tindrli

Urvad Mirrorconfined,

4. (conscripted) Wayward Son

I can be anyone that communism requires me to be but would prefer someone smart but also shitty at words. No free speech needed if I can’t speak anyway! Edit: Oh and maybe being a raging alcoholic wouldn’t be too inaccurate I guess.

5. (conscripted) Mustawd

Male dwarf please.

6. (conscripted) sqeecoo

Sign me up as whatever's convenient for the story.

7. (conscripted) Lagole Gon

Would prefer a colony member with a member.

8. (conscripted) Sukhāvatī

Grim's choice.

9. (conscripted) baud

Baud ready to serve Angèrith!

10. (conscripted) Catacombs

Male dwarf.

11. (conscripted) Helly

Helniðr/Heldóttir reporting for marksman duty according to available gender.

12. (conscripted) Usury

Goden 'Merc' Daggercalled

Existing description is quite detailed, so will only add that the Daggercalled family insignia is a stag.

13. (conscripted) Reinhardt

And yes - this is a request.

I want to be short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry if any available.

14. (conscripted) a bear named spigot

a dwarf named spigot is a perfectly normal dwarf. there is nothing unusual about his appearance or mannerisms and he likes to do all the regular dwarf activities.

(throw him in wherever, because he is perfectly normal any dwarf will suffice).

15. (conscripted) Lizzurd

Pliz give me the worst dwarf. The one with not even single one useful skill, except for backstabbing.

16. (conscripted) Storyfag

Ready to work for the glory of kommunism :salute:

17. (conscripted) Dayyālu

Male or female is the same.

It's in the cloak, you see.

18. (conscripted) Fedora Master

You know what, throw me in there too. Gimme a dwarf that takes care of animals. Preferably chickens and doggies.
I wonder what the dwarven equivalent of a fedora is...

19. (conscripted) MoistCloister

Put me in coach! I haven't played this thing in over seven years, but if Toady changed anything and you can play as a dual wielding berserker that would be my pick.

20. (conscripted) hello friend

Male dwarf, Friend, preferably a hard worker.

21. (conscripted) RoBoBOBR

Any dwarf, call him/her simply "bobr".

22. (conscripted) vazha

The Bard Returns!
Please enlist me as Givi, a dwarf from faraway Caucasus Mountains (endowed with as many cliches and stereotypes as you're able to recall being a Soviet-nostalgic maniac). Journalist and founder of the first weekly newspaper of KKK - The Boozfood Chronicle (we need propaganda), host of the Hardtalk show Smashtalk, where he gets to interview each dwarf once per week.
p.s. Also make him gay. like, voraciously gay. George Michael lvl.
p.p.s. Use my avatar

23. (conscripted) Andnjord

Retired admiral Andnjord volunteers for duty Sir! Give me wood and ropes and I will create the mightiest dorf navy the world has ever seen Sir!

(That is to say that any random Urist will do, just let me have some moderate pretensions of grandeur)

24. (conscripted) Chaosdwarft

Reporting for duty! I want to be a peasant dwarf for I shall inherit the earth but not it's riches.

if not a baker, because CHANT DE LA VICTOIRE

if not oil presser, because CARA AL SOL.

Also I volunteer for being part of militia; wear blue shirt, white pants, with red hat; armed with a silver crossbow (when available, wood is fine) for that awesome grouped volley fire!

25. (conscripted) BrotherFrank

Sign me up too please. Don’t know what all the professions are but if I get a say in it, something useless vital to the development of kkk like an artist or painter. Someone has to make the propaganda posters after all.

26. (conscripted) Bliblablubb

I thought about signing up too, but unless Grimwulf runs a Ctulu mod allowing my true form to join, someone with mad photochop skillzzz would need to add a beard to the old pic. Wait, I was a female tentacle, right? Ah, dwarves, beard makes sense either way. :obviously:

27. (conscripted) Demo.Graph

I demand to be enlisted in the Kolony. I require having a dick, a beard, a beer, a true faith in Shoduk, God of Depravity and office dwellers and getting either of/both occupations:
1. Orekh-kin (or Nut-kin), a mediocre liar and record-keeper whose only desire in life is to become a bookkeeper. Should he become one he would endlessly fiddle with statistics to persuade everyone that their life in Kolony has already become better yesterday. He would require a bunch of ugly whores, one of them a cat-lady. Stories about barrel deflators are possible.
2. So Byakhee, a greedy drunkard building designer who would spend all his life making and remaking metro, paving the map in golden tiles, trying to expand Tower of Smells by another 50 layers, etc.

28. (conscripted) Citizen

Ziss dwarf would love to join a kodekss kasstle. Name iss Citissen. Very good at sstalking, sstrangl... Ssorry, ziss dwarf meant digging of coursse, good at digging holess

Reapplying with an updated avatard :salute:

I want to be a crazy old dwarf, tongue-in-cheeck attitude and annoying southern accent

29. (conscripted) MediantSamuel

"The Mediant" (picture coming, I swear)

If possible: dwarf who craves authority / power, but is incompetent & also possibly retarded.

If not: meatshield for the Kommune.

30. (conscripted) Kalarion

I'd like in, before the elves come to rape us in our sleep.

I'd like to be either martial or a laborer (miner or builder). With a snazzy grey dress uniform, of course.

31. (conscripted) ERYFKRAD

low aesthetic sensitivity

32. (conscripted) SmartCheetah

Count me in 8) I assume there will be no new migrations because You guys closed the gates, right? Or You will open them up for newcomers? Anyway:
1. No new migrations - grab one of the kids which would reach adulthood first. I might as well become one, provided it has a dick.
2. Opening the gates for migrants - I'd prefer that option . Those newcomers seem to bring fun new tales to the table.

So basicly, male dorf for me pls.

33. (conscripted) Lithium Flower

This is great. Sign me up as the least incompetent adult member of the next migrant wave. No preference for sex though my avatar fits a female Dorf with no modification I reckon

34. (conscripted) InD_ImaginE

Comrade Imagine reporting for duty :salute:

Is there any unassigned male dwarf? I would like to be the resident actual tree hugger. Love elves and all that. Probably someone who lives with elves in the past. But I don't hate the dwarf you see, they are number 2 after elves after all. Maybe wait for those new immigrants. But its OK if I love elves just from stories and whatnot if nobody is available currently or in the immigrant wave outside.

Skill is secondary but I prefer not to have anything with carpentry or tree cutting.

For avatar can you edit my current avatar with a wig. Leave the bread. As an elf lover I shave :smug:

35. (conscripted) Hace El Oso

Can I be added to the Red list? You can call me Oso. Any dwarf with a penis and some soldiering skills who isn't a giant pussuoi by nature would be ideal, I'd like to do my part by stomping on los campesinos y contrarrevolucionarios like a good trooper. But of course, I place myself at the disposal of the Kommissar.

36. (conscripted) Inspectah

put me in coach! :salute:

Would be grand if I could be a drugfilled carpenter or metalworker
You know, the kinda dude that works to keep the machine well-oiled

37. (conscripted) Matalarata

Obviously I want to be part of this, are you still accepting volunteers? Looking over the list you posted on p. 36 (if I understand it correctly it should be relatively recent), what can you tell me about dis here dorf:

38. hostergaard

Haven't been on codex for ages, but got some hankering for some LP, DF (what with the new update) and maybe even light RP so here I am. Got to page seven so far and saw the demand for more people to sign up as dwarves, so if this thing is stil running sign me up. No requirements yet, might change, lets see when I catch up to the latest post.

If anyone still waiting for my previous LP to resume, sorry men. It's dead. I tried my best to repair my save file a few months back, but the game and every single mod were updated by Steam, so it's beyond salvaging. Also, it's been years since then - what is wrong with you?

Why not start a new game in that case? I could. Maybe I will at some point. But lemme assure those of you who followed Rimworld LP back in the day and not feeling too hot about this whole DF thing: give it a chance. Just read through a couple of posts, will you? I guarantee you'll get hooked.

Comparing Rimworld and Dwarf Fortress is a topic I could go on for ages. Instead, here is the bottom line: while Rimworld is great at what it does, it cannot and will not ever be able to achieve DF levels of simulation and depth.

And by "simulation" I don't mean just procedural generation and RNG. DF does not simply spit generic bullshit data at you. It simulates a whole world where everything is interconnected. Every location, event, creature, muscle and blood vessel has an impact on The Story. Everything counts. To see that, one just has to know where to look.

That being said, we'll return to Rimworld one day.

One day.

Below is some technical mumbo-jumbo regarding worldgen parametres and third-party apps I'm using. Mostly for those who want to dive in / revisit DF in 2019. Totally skippable.

Currently using Meph Set for one simple reason: I want this LP to be readable even for those who never heard of DF. Sure, vanilla ASCII looks cleaner and more pleasing for veteran overseers, myself included. But they are also confusing for uninitiated, especially when you try to make a text LP.

Compared to other tilesets, Meph has the most sprites. Pretty much everything in DF is represented visually AND has different color schemes that change with each passing season.

You can grab Meph Set from official DF forum:
http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=161047.0

It comes with a pre-installed package of everything you'll ever want. Armok Vision, Dwarf Therapist, DFHack, SoundSense, a bunch of other plugins, and the game itself. Just unzip and play.

Of all those apps I'm gonna use Armok Vision for an occasional 3D screenshot, DFHack for its QoL functions and LegendsViewer to dive into this world's' details.

No cheating or save-scumming. Every death is permanent, every tragedy and misfortune is here to stay.

As for other settings, everything is vanilla, except a few things:

1. Max population in the player-controlled fortress is limited to 100 dwarves (vanilla is 200), with a hard cap of 120 (vanilla is 220). It means that once we hit 100 dwarven souls, no migrants will arrive anymore. And once we gather 120 comrades, childbirth will be forbidden. I've decreased the limit because I like my DF experience to be cozy, manageable and personal. Gotta know your dwarves.

2. World size is set to "small" (65x65 tiles) to avoid possible late-game lags. I'm using my laptop, so cut me some slack. The world is still huge though.

3. World history is reduced to "short" (125 years since the beginning of time). Kinda hard to explain the reason. Short and Medium histories are just two different games altogether. If you pick medium, you get more war conflicts, dead civilizations, vampire and werebeast curses, denser population. If you stick with short, you get more mythical creatures, titans, forgotten beasts and (most likely) all humanoid civilizations will be still kicking. The world is somewhat more peaceful, but shit is about to change. Wars will be waged. Elves murdered. Many elves, hopefully.

A fine time to be alive, I tell you.

by baud:

by hello friend:

by Citizen:

by Lizzurd:

by RoBoBOBR:

by Reinhardt:

by Demo.Graph:

by ERYFKRAD:

In honour of @baud:

A weregecko bit my neck,
I'd be a dead ass wreck,
But because I'm a dorf,
All I did was barf,
And the bins I went to check.

by vazha:

To Baud

"In Angerith had he laboured,
Much with carpentry enamoured,
A gecko he mocked,
For which he was socked,
His name forever honoured. Unlike Kalin's."

by vazha:

"The Rotten Luck of Urist Parker", as performed in Redlabored Tavern. Sung in three voices, because nothing's more dorfen than polyphonic singing. Background prancing by MoistCloister

"Oh, It's bad luck to be you,
That article is never coming through,
In the mines you'll be stuck,
With a pickax you'll be struck,
Oh, it's bad luck to be you.

It's time to face your own reality.
You're only a petty liability.
The boss said you were chosen?
Darling, he was just disposin!
And all because you're such a schmuck.

You could have been an intern with credibility,
But all you've showed us is creative sterility,
You're nothing but a jock,
With a nasty writer's block,
And all because of your lack of ability.

Oh, it's bad luck to be you.
Givi's Op-Eds always come true,
If you'll say you've talked to baud ,
I'll expose you as a fraud,
For writing a fake interview.

Oh, it's bad luck to be,
Really bad luck to be
Even Catacombs agrees,
so it's a freaking guarantee,
That it's bad luck to be you.
Diddly doo."

*drops the copper mic, as the tavern erupts in thundering applause*

by Andnjord:

Echelon after echelon,
Echelon after echelon:
The tunnel begins to widen.
The KOMMISSAR orders to point!
Waving a small red handkerchief
To the mine’s gray bend.

Grimwulf, you’re with us,
Hiking through life, we became Komrades,
Together we flew into battle:
Remembering the enemies with longing
Fighting for the gray Komunalka,
Fighting for the Food District.

For the Redlabored, for the Redlabored
We’ll fight through day and night,
Crossing chasm after chasm:
Don’t wash it away with the beer,
Don’t blow it away with the wind -
The blood of the peasants and the workers!

The KOMMISSAR orders point!
Waving a small red handkerchief
To the mine's gray bend.
Echelon after echelon,
Echelon after echelon,
The tunnel begins to widen.

by Chaosdwarft

Arise!
All who refuse to be slaves!
Let our flesh and blood become our new Great Mountainhome!
As the Dwarf nation faces its greatest peril,
All forcefully expend their last cries.
Arise! Arise! Arise! Our million hearts beat as one, Brave the enemy's fire, March on!
Brave the enemy's fire, March on! March on! March on! On!

Prologue

Grandpa Urist!

Wha?

I'm bored.

Go punch an elf or sumth.

Tell me a story.

Fark off, you bothersome brat.

I'll fetch you some ale.

You've learned the magic words. Finally. Alright, what kind of story do you want?

Tell me about dwarven wars.

Eh? The dwarves never had a war.

Never?

Not a single one.

Screen taken from LegendsViewer app.

That's weird. And disappointing.

Nothing weird about it. Nobody dares to mess with us dwarves. Good for them. This is the sole reason that allowed us to greatly expand our borders, filling half of the continent with awe-inspiring fortresses and hillocks, divided between three dwarven civilizations:

The Triangular Diamonds, Masters of the South;

The Courageous Crafts, Keepers of the North;

And last but not least, The Spear of Night. Our ever-vigilant cavern dwellers, always on the lookout for menaces from beneath.

Three great civilizations of dwarves may differ in appearance, traditions, and lifestyles, but we treat each other with respect and would never start a fight between brothers.

*yawns*

Yawn again and I'll stuff your throat with my dirty boot.

By Olon's beard, can't you tell an interesting story for once?

Interesting, eh? Fine. This one about the human town of Girderjoyous.

...

Populated by 200 souls, give or take. Now, what if I told you that of those two hundred people inhabiting Girderjoyous, only nine citizens are actual humans?

...

Calling themselves The Council of Tones, nine humans rule over more than a hundred of dwarves. Dwarves! Being ordered around by humans of all creatures!

A shameful stain on our proud history. Such a fucking disgrace. But wait, there is more to the story of this "human" town, much more in fact--

Urist. Please. If I hear this Girderjoyous-disgrace-bullshit one more time, I'll start killing dwarves, I swear.

Oh? So you know about this?

YES, Urist. You told me. A hundred times. My first word was "Girderjoyous", do you know why?

Err

Because you kept mumbling this nonsense since mother got pregnant with me. You've been following her everywhere while reciting the history of Girderjoyous. And you never stopped!

Hrmpf. Kids these days. No appreciation for dwarven history. No respect.

Don't test me, old dwarf. I know my history better than you do.

PROVE IT.

*inhales* The Courageous Crafts was founded at the beginning of time by king Dumat Claspgilt and his loyal friend Mosus Tattoodye. In the first year since the beginning of time, Plankplunged was founded. The greatest dwarven fortress of them all, our capital to this day. In the late Winter of...

One hour later.

Both Dumat and Mosus died of natural causes in the late 70s, and the royal throne was inherited by Dumat's daughter, Bomreck Toolrack. A ranger and a scout since early childhood, now the Queen of The Courageous Crafts.

And what a fine Queen she is.

Queen Bomrek's reign brought rapid growth and prosperity to our civilization. New fortresses and hillocks were built, the population increased, our borders expanded.

"Expanded" doesn't begin to describe it. When king Dumat died, we were but a humble nation.

Today we dominate the whole realm.

Literally.

Well?

What?

I've interrupted you at year 80. We still have to go through another 45 years.

Are you fucking serious, Urist?

Yet another hour later.

And that's it. Recent history of our nation consists of nothing but festivities. I don't understand WHY do I have to remember this crap?

Five years ago Queen Bomrek won a foot race here in Plankplunged. She was 116 years old back then. And yet she won.

How old was her opponent?

Ushat Joyoushall? 103 back then.

... Yes. Very impressive.

He is also Queen Bomrek's younger brother.

Unbelievable.

I know.

Urist, I SWEAR BY MY MOTHER'S HARD-WORKING WOMB, if you don't come up with an engaging story RIGHT NOW, I will personally drink all your ale in one go!

No need to bring yer mother's womb here. Hard-working as it is.

There has to be something exciting happening here in Plankplunged. Anything? Anything recent, maybe?

Actually... Yes. Yes, there is. Have you heard of a dwarf named Aban Alathkulet?

Alathkulet..? No.

Calls himself Grimwulf for whatever reason.

Smells like a start of a story.

A story of a dwarf - a very special dwarf - and an ambition.

Let me grab my beer real quick.

Some weeks ago Grimwulf had a conversation with Queen Bomrek Toolrack here in Plankplunged...

3rd Granite, 125, Early Spring
Throne Room of Plankplunged.

Let me get this straight. You want to build a fortress in the middle of nowhere in order to create a community of dwarves based on a single principle...

From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.

How is it different from what we have here in Plankplunged?

Plankplunged is all needs and no ability. Local dwarves do nothing but celebrate. Everyone here is too goddamn soft and lazy.

What's wrong with the occasional celebration? The Courageous Crafts are prospering. Every dwarf is safe and happy.

Blind fools, completely oblivious in the face of ever-looming threat.

What threat? Elves? Goblins?

The deer threat.

The... deer. I see. What do you want from me, Grimwulf?

A dozen hardy dwarves and supplies to keep them well-fed and permanently drunk.

Advisor!

Yes, my Queen?

Take Grimwulf to the Bureaucratic Hall. Let him fill the forms.

Wait a second. Is it THAT easy to obtain people and resources from the Queen?

Of course not. Many dwarves begged the Queen for support. Not a single one defeated the Bureaucratic Hall.

How so?

Too many forms to fill. One needs a great deal of determination to pass this test. For you see, the Queen is not like her father. New fortresses and hillocks are built by Her orders and Her initiative only.

I take it Grimwulf changed his mind when he saw the Hall?

Quite the opposite. After spending a whole day without sleep, food, and drinks, filling those forms one after another, he finally made it.

What a dwarf.

4th Granite, 125, Early Spring
Throne Room of Plankplunged.

Is this some kind of joke? Angerith?

Me fortress name.

This is the most stupid name I've heard in a long while.

There is no word for "communism" in dwarven language. But Redlabored will have to do.

And your group? You want to name your group Anilcubor?

Aye. The very sound makes me slightly aroused.

Watch your filthy tongue in front of your Queen, dwarf.

Only slightly. My member is not what it used to be.

Forget the names, what is that?

Our symbol.

It makes no sense!

And yet it describes my ideals perfectly.

I think we are done here.

Wrong. I am far from done with Grimwulf.

*still standing, despite the overwhelming urge to lay down and rest*

Your list of requested supplies is borderline insulting!

Tools, weapons, a small fortune of food, alcohol, seeds, and deer hearts? Ten deer hearts? Ten deer lungs? Ten deer kidneys?

And two yaks to haul this stuff.

Forget it. And don't get me started on the proposed location.

Not only this location is too far from our borders, but the Laborious Hills is also a no man's land. A buffer zone, if you will. As soon as we start settling this region, dwarves and elves would have to coexist too close to each other. That will lead us to a long and entirely unnecessary war.

Why are you so obsessed with settling there, Grimwulf?

I mean... The Laborious Hills. Come on.

*takes a moment to collect herself*

My Queen?

Grimwulf. I will be straight and honest. Brutally honest.

My whole damn life is brutal. Shoot.

You are one of our masons. Not a good one. Probably the worst of the lot. Totally replaceable. You are not a pleasant dwarf to be around with. You have no friends or family here. Nobody likes you.

Are you flirting with me?

I am saying we could do without you here in Plankplunged.

Ecum Fairrighteous be my witness, I could even provide the supplies you asked for in that ridiculous request of yours.

Neat.

But I will NOT condemn a single dwarf to die out there in pursuit of your foolish dream. No sane dwarf would volunteer anyway.

An unforeseen obstacle. Awright. I can work on that.

You won't have to. Because even if you get lucky finding a bunch of adventurous settler dwarves, I will never permit building a fortress in my name out there in the Laborious Hills.

You are flirting with me, after all.

Request DENIED!

The end. Now go fetch my ale.

I'll fetch you water instead. More than enough for such a bland story.

Blegh! Not water! Fine, fine, there is more to it. A couple days later the Queen reconsidered Grimwulf's request.

Huh? Why?

Hell if I know.

6th Granite, 125, Early Spring
Throne Room of Plankplunged.

I've been thinking about Grimwulf lately.

You are supposed to think about our nation and problems at hand.

Correct. May I offer a suggestion, your Majesty?

Speak up.

Four dwarves were sentenced to exile last month. Still waiting for the sentence to be carried out.

What's the hold-up?

According to the Law, all exiles must be supplied with provisions and at least two pack animals per dwarf. Exiles might be minor offenders, but these dwarves are still subjects of your Majesty.

Give them some mules then.

We simply cannot spare any mules, cows or yaks at this point. Our pastures need more time to recover after recent festivities. With all that massive butchering going on, the poor things cannot reproduce as fast as we eat them.

I see. Can't we simply pardon the exiles?

Not these exiles.

What does it have to do with Grimwulf anyway?

This may sound stupid, I know... You should allow him to settle the Laborious Hills. Not in your name, not as a part of our civilization. But rather as an independent group of settlers. We can spare the supplies, my Queen. After talking to our rancher dwarves, I think we can give away an old limping horse and a skinny diseased llama too.

A limping horse can't pull a wagon.

I'm sure Grimwulf will figure out a solution. He strikes me as a resourceful dwarf if a bit deranged.

And then what? Just send the poor exiles out there with Grimwulf? That is a death sentence, not an exile.

All of them have a good head on their shoulders. Once they realize Grimwulf is insane, they will leave and find a new home. Needless to say, it won't be your problem by then.

An over-complicated and somewhat expensive solution to a simple problem. Have you considered the damage to my reputation? Every dwarf will witness Grimwulf and four exiles - five dwarves in total - sent out on a suicide mission. You do not build a new fortress with five dwarves.

I would never bother my Queen with suggestions if it was only about Grimwulf and exiles. And I do realize you need at least seven dwarves to stand a chance out there. So... *starts hesitating*

Well? Spit it out already.

Our prison holds two dwarves sentenced to death. Normally executions are carried out instantly, but those two...

Yes. Etur Loloradil and Ustuth Nazomerib. I remember.

Your Majesty should pardon them with a condition of accompanying Grimwulf to the Laborious Hills.

... I need some time to think this over.

Wait. I remember now. About a week ago a huge crowd of dwarves gathered on the central square of Plankplunged.

Aye. Such a colorful group of settlers going out on adventure is a curious sight to behold. Seven dwarves led by Grimwulf, among them two prisoners sentenced to death, but pardoned by our magnanimous Queen.

One of them is Etur Loloradil, the former Captain of the Guard of Plankplunged.

Indeed. The poor dwarf did a mighty fine job back in the day. No crime was left unpunished. Everything was under control.

Until he insulted the Queen.

It's a bit more complicated than that. Etur Loloradil was prone to excessive violence. Once he smashed the brain out of a dwarven loiterer with his iron war hammer. Frankly speaking, loitering is not even much of a crime. As Etur pointed in the report, "the dorf wus shuspishus".

Huh.

Etur was sent to the mines as a punishment. More than once. Come to think of it, he spent several years down there in total, which only made things worse. Etur kept demanding extra payment for his work. The famous insult was just a final step towards his downfall.

Everyone knows how it went. He kick-opened the doors to the Queen's private quarters, shouting "Give me my BONUS, bitch!"

Damned fool. Other guards still hold a great deal of fear and respect for him. The Queen ordered to erase Etur's name from the chronicles and outlawed any mentions of Etur Loloradil in public. And yet the dwarves keep sharing his story calling him "Kalin" instead.

He was sentenced to death quite a while ago. Four months or so? How is he still alive?

Most of the dwarves, our Queen included, feel sorry for Kalin. He was a good captain. I'm guessing the Queen doesn't want to sour dwarven moods by executing a well-known and respected dwarf right before upcoming festivities.

Makes sense. You said there was another sentenced prisoner in Grimwulf's group?

... Yes.

Want to tell me about him?

No.

Do I have to punch you in the face? Will that make you reconsider?

Shut it, little beardless bastard. You can't even throw a proper threat.

Can you at least tell me his name?

Ustuth Nazomerib. Infamous surgeon of Plankplunged, sentenced to death 8 years ago.

Eight years? That was before I was born!

Aye. Don't even ask me about his crimes. Disgusting. Horrific. Shameful.

Forget Kalin, why is he still alive?

Too popular among the female dwarves. Err, I'll get into more details when your beard grows up a bit.

What, that's it? That's the whole reason he was kept in a cell for eight years?

... Rumor is, the Queen is quite fond of him too.

Oh. Ohhhhh. That song they sing in the taverns. "Crown Penetrator, Imprisoned".

No, by the Gods. No vulgar songs in my house!

"Sleeps on stone, his smile fancy. Been in all the dwarven panties. Locked and doomed for things unworded. Yet with Royal Hole rewarded."

This doesn't even sound like a dwarven song. Must be elvish, distasteful as it is.

I don't remember the name Ustuth Nazomerib being mentioned in the song.

The Queen outlawed any public mentions of Ustuth Nazomerib, the same as in Kalin's case. When a dwarf needs to mention this criminal, usually as part of a curse or a horrible insult, he is referred to as Azira.

So... Grimwulf and others have left Plankplunged. I wonder how they made a limping horse pull a wagon full of supplies. And an anvil.

They didn't. Grimwulf ordered Kalin to carry the wagon, much to the amusement of the crowd. And Kalin's raging protests. And so they left.

That was a week ago. What happened next?

They all died, I presume. And if not... May the Gods have mercy on these poor dwarves.

15th Granite, 125, Early Spring
The Laborious Hills

HOLD YER HORSES, Kalin!

What fuggin' HORSES?! I've been HAULIN' this goblin-made piece of woodcrap you call WAGON this whole FARKIN' week, you brainfucked bastard! It would be so much easier if your fat ass was HELPING instead of SITTING ON TOP of the fucking thing! FUUUCK!!

We're here. Dis is the place.

Grimwulf, my friend. I don't mean to sound ungrateful - you have released me, after all - but you said we are travelling to the land of beer. Well... I don't see any beer.

Land or beer? Hur hur, no. I said "land of deer".

I'd better get a bonus.

tindrli · Nov 20, 2019

Tindrli Reporting for duty!

Grimwulf · Nov 20, 2019

tindrli said:
Tindrli Reporting for duty!

That reminds me.

HOW TO SIGN UP. There are two ways:

1. Just make a post stating you are ready to work for the glory of kommunism and I'll pick a random dorf for you. You might want to specify your preferences, at least gender.

2. Pick a specific dorf that tickles your fancy. I'll post available dwarves every now and then for you to choose from.

We currently have 7 dwarves, one is my own, another is Kalin and yet another is Azira. I don't care if they post a single thing in this thread or not, they are in the game. Can't do a Grimwulf LP without Kalin or Azira.

But might as well ping. Kalin Azira. Done.

That leaves us with 4 unassigned dwarves:

If you don't like any of them, no worries. DF is not like Rimworld - we'll get a lot of migrants soon. Plenty to choose from. I'm sure we'll end up with more dwarves than volunteers.

Kalin · Nov 20, 2019

Been too long, I was starting to fear I'd never see my bonus!

As if that wasn't enough, Dwarf Fortress and KKK looks like a match made in heavan.

Grimwulf said:

Oh, and this is amazingly accurate. :lol:

Wayward Son · Nov 20, 2019

Wayward Son reporting for vodka and booze. I can be anyone that communism requires me to be but would prefer someone smart but also shitty at words. No free speech needed if I can’t speak anyway!

Edit: Oh and maybe being a raging alcoholic wouldn’t be too inaccurate I guess.

Edit 2: Good to see you back, commissar. Even a filthy pigdog capitalist like me missed you.

Mustawd · Nov 20, 2019

Grimwulf said:
1. Just make a post stating you are ready to work for the glory of kommunism and I'll pick a random dorf for you. You might want to specify your preferences, at least gender.

Mustawd ready to werk. Male dwarf please.

Azira · Nov 20, 2019

GLORIOUS!

I'll pack my anal candles and dirty socks.

"The land of Beer" sounds wonderful..

sqeecoo · Nov 20, 2019

Dwarf fortress, YES!! Rimworld can't hold a candle to it. I'm very interested in how this goes

Sign me up as whatever's convenient for the story.

Why did you take the anvil initially? Isn't that a bit of a waste? I always took more supplies instead, and hopefully bought the anvil later.

Grimwulf · Nov 20, 2019

sqeecoo said:
Why did you take the anvil initially? Isn't that a bit of a waste?

Chicken and egg situation. Can't make an anvil from scratch unless we have another anvil. If you don't, you gotta raid other settlements hoping to find one. Or trade. And you know what Grimwulf thinks of trading.

Lagole Gon · Nov 20, 2019

Lagole Gon reporting for duty. Would prefer a colony member with a member.

Sukhāvatī · Nov 20, 2019

yeye. Grim's choice.

baud · Nov 20, 2019

Baud ready to serve Angèrith!

Lagole Gon · Nov 20, 2019

Angèrith.

It's like... Anger and Girth. Heheh.

Catacombs · Nov 20, 2019

Reporting for duty.
Male dwarf.

Helly · Nov 21, 2019

Helniðr/Heldóttir reporting for marksman duty according to available gender.

Wayward Son · Nov 21, 2019

Helly said:
Helniðr/Heldóttir reporting for marksman duty according to available gender.

Where we're going... we don't need gender. /socialsciencesstudent

Reinhardt · Nov 21, 2019

Edit. And yes - this is a request.

Reinhardt · Nov 21, 2019

Lagole Gon said:
Would prefer a colony member with a member.

So... woman then?

a bear named spigot · Nov 21, 2019

tindrli · Nov 21, 2019

Grimwulf said:
tindrli said:

Tindrli Reporting for duty!

Click to expand...

That reminds me.

HOW TO SIGN UP. There are two ways:

1. Just make a post stating you are ready to work for the glory of kommunism and I'll pick a random dorf for you. You might want to specify your preferences, at least gender.

2. Pick a specific dorf that tickles your fancy. I'll post available dwarves every now and then for you to choose from.

We currently have 7 dwarves, one is my own, another is Kalin and yet another is Azira. I don't care if they post a single thing in this thread or not, they are in the game. Can't do a Grimwulf LP without Kalin or Azira.

But might as well ping. Kalin Azira. Done.

That leaves us with 4 unassigned dwarves:

If you don't like any of them, no worries. DF is not like Rimworld - we'll get a lot of migrants soon. Plenty to choose from. I'm sure we'll end up with more dwarves than volunteers.

Mr. Grim. Tindrli will be this one if someone else didnt took it

tindrli · Nov 21, 2019

Usury said:
Goden 'Merc' Daggercalled

Existing description is quite detailed, so will only add that the Daggercalled family insignia is a stag.

EDIT: Thread could be 'Kodex Kommunistic Kastle' to keep the theme.

Fuck Mr. Usury. i didn't saw that Goden is taken. Never mind i will not SPAM. Mr. Grim will find a dwarf for me

Grimwulf · Nov 21, 2019

Damn, what a mess :lol:

Apparently, additional recruitment rules are in order.

Recruits who ask for specific dwarves get the privilege. First come, first served. Sorry tindrli, Usury was the first one to call dibs on Goden Daggercalled.

Also, I fucked up while cropping images. Long story short, I have to merge/edit several screenshots like this:

Into something wholesome. And while doing so I accidentally merged Urvad Mirrorconfined with Goden Daggercalled. Drunk-posting has its pros and cons, you see.

I'll make some ninja-edits in a moment. Meanwhile, here is the actual Urvad Mirrorconfined:

Kommissar doing some testing. Move along. Nothing to see here.

Note to my future drunken self: Zoomed out version. If not readable, stick to image cropping.

Awright, our starting dwarves have been distributed between the following komrades:

tindrli gets Urvad Mirrorconfined, a brooding loner who is not talkative in the slightest. Lacking willpower and curiosity, often feeling discouraged, tending to avoid crowds, one might say that Urvad is broken inside. Although he does have an understanding of other dwarves and their psychology. This dwarf might have some complicated history.

Wayward Son will get the first awkward-nerd dwarf OR raging-alcoholic dwarf we get. I'll put you on the Red List.

make a damn list

Mustawd, Lagole Gon come right after Wayward Son, waiting for male dorfs.

sqeecoo gets Etur Chamberglowed, a noisy chit-chattin' female dwarf who wants to know everything about everyone. Not an overly-emotional type of noisy, mind you. But rather a calm, persistent one. I bet you all know a person like that. "Oh, hi. How's it been, brother dwarf? Everything's all right? How's your wife? Kids? What do you think of The Glittery Incenses? Kinda cool, right? You look mildly irritated. Something's on your mind? It's all right, I'm not in a rush. You may answer whenever you feel like it."

Kinda like him IRL :lol:

No offense intended, bruh

:bro:

Sukhāvatī gets Vabok Deadhandle, a female dwarf with a no-bullshit attitude. Prefers working on mechanisms and being in the middle of some calibrations to having conversations with other dwarves. Not because she is humble, nerdy or anti-social. She is quite assertive actually. She simply doesn't like wasting time on pointless things like talking. Basically female dwarf version of Garrus Vakarian.

Usury gets Goden Daggercalled. A sharp-minded dwarf with strong beliefs and opinions, a soft spot for artwork, somewhat racist, and independent. Socially active, but not very eloquent when speaking.

The rest of you komrades are now in the Red List.

ALL DESCRIPTIONS ARE DUMBED-DOWN Curriculum Vitae's. Dwarves are more ~~schizophrenic~~ complicated than that.

Usury said:
Thread could be 'Kodex Kommunistic Kastle' to keep the theme.

Yes, this crossed my mind too. As well as KK Keep. Or KK Katacombs. KK Konstruction. Kalingrad. Kooperatif.

Some hours later my ale was gone, and I decided to stick with Fortress for now. Might rename it a bit later.

tindrli · Nov 21, 2019

Urvad Mirrorconfined,

a brooding loner who is not talkative in the slightest. Lacking willpower and curiosity, often feeling discouraged, tending to avoid crowds, one might say that Urvad is broken inside. Although he does have an understanding of other dwarves and their psychology. This dwarf might have some complicated history.
:love:

Reinhardt · Nov 21, 2019

I want to be short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry if any available.

Fedora Master · Nov 21, 2019

Shoulda been Kommunist Fortress of the Codex (KFC)

Kodex Kommunistic Kastle. Fortress. Dwarf Fortress.

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Unwanted

Fails to keep valuable team members alive

Mustawd

Guest

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

a.k.a. Mañjuśṛī

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Translating for brofists

Fails to keep valuable team members alive

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

Arcane

STOP POSTING