Tyranicon
A Memory of Eternity
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2019
- Messages
- 7,834
Hello RPG enthusiasts and possible lurkers from AAA studios,
Today I will be giving some advice on how to properly market big-budget games in the modern year. As we all know, gaming consumers are highly intelligent and have only the most impeccable taste, so you need the proper know-how when it comes to attracting these cosmic-brained uber chads.
1. The proper marketing timeline
Having the right timeline for your marketing is very important. The best practice is to market your game 15 years ahead of any possible launch. Just set up a storefront and start collecting pre-orders right away! Promise people that your game will cure cancer and get them laid. What's the worst that can happen, you go through four different developers and get lodged squarely in development hell? Fuck it, no takebacksies on those pre-orders.
Alternatively, start your marketing push just 8 months before launch. Because who needs to sell copies, right?
2. Highlight the fact that you have a superstar development team
You're making an Arr Pee Gee and you want it to be the best, so you need the best on your side. That's right, get the priciest visual novel studio there is, and teach them what a character sheet is.
Now gleefully parade those superstars in front of your audience and force them to talk about how passionate they are, and how they played Starcraft 2 when they were a teenager.
Getting comments like "they're awfully young," and "they're not even RPG devs?" Cancel those racist fans!
3. Produce trailers with 20% gameplay and 200% talking heads
Gamers LOVE 40 minute videos about concept artists talking about their dogs and what their dog's vomit look like. Don't talk about the game at all or show gameplay. What are you, a nerd?
4. Have it your way
Repeat this in all your promotional material until you get sued by Burger King.
4. Use marketing jargon nonstop
Gamers love it when you use words and phrases that don't even mean anything anymore, like "visceral" and "immersive" and "Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines 2."
6. Be bad at math
7. Showcase all your ugly characters
Nobody likes actual attractive characters. Also, beauty is offensive.
This was the standard that the industry set in 2006 and we haven't moved on because we didn't need to.
Just upgrade with zoomer hair!
8. Chat GPT writes better than you, so let it write your devblogs instead!
Hey ChatGPT, write me a devblog for a fictional RPG of your choosing!
Haha, this thing is going to put us all out of work because it's better than us! #notalent
9. Only use concept art and alpha footage despite being months away from launch
Nothing gives the consumer more confidence then seeing only concept art, or even better, gifs of concept art, when launch is just a few short months away. Normally you think this would lead to a dumpster fire, but in reality, this is just the agile working environments of modern devs. Our programmers are hard at work and totally not just furiously masturbating because they're bored to shit. Our creatives are veterans of the industry and not just nepotistic pity hires who spend most of their time on Twitter.
Remember, never show gameplay. People hate that!
10. Pre-release apology or blame
Somebody's got to take the blame for this fiasco, and it's certainly not going to be the marketing guys. Blame toxic gamers, blame covid, blame whoever you can think of. If that doesn't work, put out an apology. In fact, do it ahead of launch because you're honest and not because you're a greedy little shit who wants to trick people out of money any way they can.
That's it! Enjoy RPGdev'ing!
Also, buy my porn games instead. God, I can't wait to bend this entire useless industry over as soon as I get some money.
Today I will be giving some advice on how to properly market big-budget games in the modern year. As we all know, gaming consumers are highly intelligent and have only the most impeccable taste, so you need the proper know-how when it comes to attracting these cosmic-brained uber chads.
1. The proper marketing timeline
Having the right timeline for your marketing is very important. The best practice is to market your game 15 years ahead of any possible launch. Just set up a storefront and start collecting pre-orders right away! Promise people that your game will cure cancer and get them laid. What's the worst that can happen, you go through four different developers and get lodged squarely in development hell? Fuck it, no takebacksies on those pre-orders.
Alternatively, start your marketing push just 8 months before launch. Because who needs to sell copies, right?
2. Highlight the fact that you have a superstar development team
You're making an Arr Pee Gee and you want it to be the best, so you need the best on your side. That's right, get the priciest visual novel studio there is, and teach them what a character sheet is.
Now gleefully parade those superstars in front of your audience and force them to talk about how passionate they are, and how they played Starcraft 2 when they were a teenager.
Getting comments like "they're awfully young," and "they're not even RPG devs?" Cancel those racist fans!
3. Produce trailers with 20% gameplay and 200% talking heads
Gamers LOVE 40 minute videos about concept artists talking about their dogs and what their dog's vomit look like. Don't talk about the game at all or show gameplay. What are you, a nerd?
4. Have it your way
Repeat this in all your promotional material until you get sued by Burger King.
4. Use marketing jargon nonstop
Gamers love it when you use words and phrases that don't even mean anything anymore, like "visceral" and "immersive" and "Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines 2."
6. Be bad at math
7. Showcase all your ugly characters
Nobody likes actual attractive characters. Also, beauty is offensive.
This was the standard that the industry set in 2006 and we haven't moved on because we didn't need to.
Just upgrade with zoomer hair!
8. Chat GPT writes better than you, so let it write your devblogs instead!
Hey ChatGPT, write me a devblog for a fictional RPG of your choosing!
We're thrilled to share the latest on 'Mystic Realms: Journey Through Eldoria'! This week, we've focused on enhancing our dynamic weather system, bringing Eldoria's diverse landscapes to life. From the sun-drenched hills of Solara to the rain-soaked forests of Nighthaven, the world reacts and evolves, offering unique challenges and opportunities for players. We've also fine-tuned our NPC interaction, ensuring every character you meet has a story to tell. Stay tuned for a sneak peek at our upcoming night quests, where the world of Eldoria shows its hidden, mystical side under the moonlight! #MysticRealmsRPG
Haha, this thing is going to put us all out of work because it's better than us! #notalent
9. Only use concept art and alpha footage despite being months away from launch
Nothing gives the consumer more confidence then seeing only concept art, or even better, gifs of concept art, when launch is just a few short months away. Normally you think this would lead to a dumpster fire, but in reality, this is just the agile working environments of modern devs. Our programmers are hard at work and totally not just furiously masturbating because they're bored to shit. Our creatives are veterans of the industry and not just nepotistic pity hires who spend most of their time on Twitter.
Remember, never show gameplay. People hate that!
10. Pre-release apology or blame
Somebody's got to take the blame for this fiasco, and it's certainly not going to be the marketing guys. Blame toxic gamers, blame covid, blame whoever you can think of. If that doesn't work, put out an apology. In fact, do it ahead of launch because you're honest and not because you're a greedy little shit who wants to trick people out of money any way they can.
That's it! Enjoy RPGdev'ing!
Also, buy my porn games instead. God, I can't wait to bend this entire useless industry over as soon as I get some money.